Self Sabotage

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 22:34

Self Sabotage

Accountability

I am beginning to think Tracy is right about our subconscious desire to sabotage our weight loss efforts. Last weigh in I was at 132.4, up 1.2 from my all time low the week before of 131.4 and it was TOM. Goal was now feasibly attainable for the next weigh in.

Therefore this week, I have been hyper-vigilant about my food and exercise. Wednesday I weighed at home at my goal weight of 130.0 (BAN in the morning), yesterday morning I weighed 129.5 at home (again BAN), and this morning I weighed 129.5 (home BAN). So since I now weigh in Saturday morning at JC as close to bare-ass naked as I can legally get away with, I had a real shot at reaching goal at JC this weekend.

Note that I said "had."

So with goal so close, why did I let myself get so hungry by skipping lunch that when I agreed to go to a late lunch with my friends I STUFFED myself at Chevy's? I had decided yesterday that I was going to sushi to eat my beloved Golden Bell Roll, which meant I was choosing it over Chevy's today. I even told my friends that I wasn't going to go to Chevy's or if I did I wasn't going to order, but then not only did I order, I STUFFED myself until it hurt.

So needless to say, reaching goal tomorrow is most likely not going to happen.

I know, I know, it is about a lifestyle change not a number, blah, blah, blah...
I have said it and meant it to countless people. But the reality is the goal does matter to me and I have been losing and gaining these same 3 pounds for a few months now.

Am I afraid to reach goal?

Really it isn't even my true goal. When I went to JC this time I was afraid to put the weight I really wanted because I was afraid I would fail at this yet again. I am 5' 2.5" and even with a large frame size (according to a frame size calculator that I found posted on Tracy's blog. I know it isn't 100% accurate, but I am pretty damn sturdy. "Built like a brick shit house" is what my dad calls it. ) I know I could pull off 120-125 if I was fit. So my 'super secret plan' has been to reach goal at JC (finally get my 35% rewards discount) and then change my goal here to 125 and keep working at it.

I guess I could change my goal now, but I really want the extrinsic reward of hitting my original goal and then choosing to continue. I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but it is how I feel.

So the Reader's Digest version of what I just bored the snot out of you with is: I am disappointed with myself.

Exercise

none. Rest day
I am running tomorrow morning after weigh in. 3 or 4 miles

Food

Breakfast
(1) English muffin
coffee
(2) JC French Toast plus banana
coffee

Snack(s)
apple
snack pack of dried mango
snack pack of dried plums

Lunch/Dinner
Chevy's Chicken Fajitas
>All of the grilled chicken
>All rice and beans
>3 flour tortillas (yes, I had to ask for more. They only give you two)
>~1 tbsp. of sour cream
coffee

Snack tonight
none

Don't cha?

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 23:18

Don't cha?

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?! (Sorry, I teach high school and I am probably emotionally only about 15-16 at most anyway!)

Yesterday I wore a skirt I haven't worn since last January. Last January I was at least 20 pounds heavier than I am now and the skirt was, well, if we are being kind we could say it was snug, if we are being honest ,it made me look like 10 pounds of sausage in 5 pounds of casing, as my mother would say.

"Casing", for those of you that weren't raised by hillbillies like I was, is the layer of, usually intestine, that you put the ground sausage in to make links. I know, disgusting. Now you probably will never eat sausage again, so I won't go into what goes into the "ground" part . Ick! anyway if the casing is too small you get a taut, lumpy, about to burst appearance to your links.

You can thank me later for the lovely visual.

Anyhoo, back to my story...

Yesterday I wore said skirt and it actually fit like it was supposed to and, if I say so myself, and since I am the only one typing here I guess I DO say so myself, I looked quite fetching in it. I got several compliments and a few turned heads. Ha! It was kind of nice.

Unfortunately, my pretty skirt and pink sweater did NOT make biology any more interesting to high school sophomores, so that part of my day didn't go any better, BUT the rest of the day was nice! Which leads me to my next category... (like my new segue system!)

Teaching vent

*sigh*

This is going to make me sound old, but we didn't act like this when I was in school. Maybe this was in large part because I was a nerd and nerds are in classes with other needs and we all typically do whatever the teacher tells us.

Why must I TELL students to take out their pencils and paper? Why must I re-tell said students three times to take out their pencils and paper to get approximately 85% of the class to do so? Why must I tell students everyday that, no, I do not loan out pencils or paper (and technically, if they actually do the assignment paper would not be a "loan" anyway) and that they are expected to bring these materials to class everyday? And finally, why do they honestly think that because they came unprepared for class it is an excuse and perfectly ok to sleep/text message their friends/talk to their neighbor/stare blankly at the wall/etc. instead of take notes or do whatever assignment we are all working on?

Some days feel like I show up to work, strap 36 dead birds around my neck and slog through the period (95 minute periods mind you!) until the merciful bell rings and allows me to untie the birds and let them shuffle from the classroom. Then 36 more dead birds show up and the process starts all over again.

Ok, enough of that.

Exercise

Treadmill (41 minutes)
Run 4 miles (!!) (10:15 min/mile Hoo Hah!)

Pilates Class (1 hour)
Umm.. I don't think I am flexible/strong/coordinated enough for this.

Food

Breakfast
(1) English muffin
coffee
(2) NO TIME! Cherub central! "Teacher, I want..., I need..., You didn't.., How come...?" blah, blah, blah

Snack
apple
snack pack of dried mango pieces
snack pack of dried plums (sounds so much nicer than 'prunes')

Lunch (late)
Sushi (rough day)
Golden Bell Roll (I know, I know...)
Tamago
Diet coke

Snack
none

Dinner
JC Cheesy Enchilada (the lunch I ditched to have sushi)

Snack
yogurt w/ 1/4 c. soy flax cereal

Wednesday Food Log

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 17:30

Wednesday Food Log

No time to post yesterday. I got on for a few comments, but I didn't log my food. I will do a more complete post and today's log later tonight.

Breakfast
(1) English Muffin
coffee
(2) JC French Toast plus banana
coffee

Snack
apple
coffee

Lunch
1/2 Togo's sandwich (turkey, mustard, tomatoes, pickles)

Snack
1 Togo's peanut butter cookie (large)
coffee

Dinner
Other 1/2 of Togo's turkey sandwich

Snack
none

You know you are hungry when...

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 23:54

You know you are hungry when...

you find yourself hunkered over your pet sitting job's kitchen sink fending off cats with your elbow as you eat the tuna that was intended for them. I was so hungry I considered going for the kibble next!

Now, before you are too grossed out, this lady LOVES her cats, apparently more than I love my husband because she buys the all white albacore tuna (Starkist brand no less) packed in water, I buy him whatever is on sale, which is NEVER the all white albacore Starkist tuna. Plus it was a newly opened can, it was not as if they, the cats that is, had actually eaten out of it.

However, I do think it is a little sketchy that I ate their tuna, and they agreed. BUT, I only ate about a 1/4 of the can and I DID give them the rest. So, whatever! Whiner cats!

Exercise

Treadmill: 32 minutes
Walk warm-up 0.25 mile
Run 3 miles (10:40 min/mile pace)

I didn't go to the strength class because I was late getting to the gym and I wanted to run at leas t 3 miles. I am going to a new strength class on Thursday that is 1 hour long, so my total strength training time will even out.

Food

Breakfast
(1) English muffin
coffee
(2) JC French Toast plus banana (get your mind out of the gutter Ms. Tracy)
coffee

Snack
apple
snack pack of dried mango pieces
coffee

Lunch
JC Mac and Cheese

Snack
apple
coffee
sl. wheat bread w/ margarine
~ 2 in. piece of See's candy bar (Yes, the bar that is stashed in my desk. It has Toffee pieces for God's sake! I can't honestly be expected to give it away when it has toffee pieces! There is only about 1 in. square left.)
1/4 can albacore tuna (Don't judge me!)

Dinner
JC Salisbury Steak

Snack
JC Lemon Cake

Monday Food Log

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 15:37

Monday Food Log

Breakfast
(1) English Muffin
(2) JC French Toast plus Banana
coffee

Snack
apple
snack pack dried mango
coffee

Lunch
JC Cheesy Enchilada

Snack
Powerbar
snack pack dried prunes
coffee

Dinner
Small Turkey Sandwich (turkey, mustard, wheat bread)

Snack
yogurt w/ 1/4c. soy flax cereal

No time to post yesterday. I wanted to get it down before I lost the paper. Gotta go, cherubs await!

Sunday Food Log

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 23:03

Sunday Food Log

Breakfast
JC French Toast plus banana
coffee

Snack
1 cup International Coffee-style coffee (about 120 calories/2 g fat)

Lunch
JC Lasagna (Ick! Weird "meat-like" substance that grosses me out., should be the last of the JC leftovers)
1 sl. wheat bread w/ margarine

Snack
apple
TONS of coffee (Yikes! Drank a whole pot in the afternoon alone)

Dinner
JC Chicken fettucine ( I burnt it. Can you freaking believe that! How, exactly, do you burn a microwave meal, you ask? Well, you thaw it to save time, then forget you thawed it ,and then set it for the normal amount of time. Voila! Crispy, dry, grossness! What a lame ass!)
salad w/ JC dressing croutons

Snack
1 scoop choc. chip ice cream on plain cone (And I was doing sooo well)
1 sl. wheat bread w/ margarine ( I am having some sort of carb craving issue!)

I RAN!!!

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 17:27

I RAN!!!!!

Let me say it again..... I RAN!!!

Let me back up and tell the tale:

I did NOT want to go to the gym this morning. I know, you are stunned. I must have a fever or something, anyway... I set my alarm, I got up, I drank coffee (lest I kill someone at the gym. I don't really think that is part of a healthy lifestyle) AND I WENT TO THE DAMN GYM! HA!

Today's Workout: (I need to report a workout because, well, I actually did one today! )

Treadmill: 38 minutes
5 minute walking warm up (0.33 mi)
33 minute RUN, yes I said RUN!!! (3 miles @ 11:00 min/mile pace)

Strength Training Class: 60 minutes
Regular demonic sprite was out of town, had substitute devilkin that wasn't quite as evil although she gave it her best shot!

Knee

It hurt, but it never got worse like it usually does and I was able to run with it. I don't know how far I can run, but I am going to inch my miles up slowly and see how it goes. However, I was so inspired that I have...

OFFICIALLY REGISTERED FOR THE NAPA VALLEY MARATHON!

It is ON baby!!

Saturday Food Log

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 01:32

Saturday Food Log

Food

Breakfast
coffee only (I was feeling pretty crummy this morning)

Snack
2 handfuls of pink M&M's (they were pink and their purchase supported breast cancer research, so they can't be bad for you, right?)

Lunch
JC Chili Con Carne (part of the old JC stuff I am trying to work through, I think I will throw the other can away. It is the gift that keeps on giving, if you know what I mean)

Snack
piece of wheat bread w/ margarine

Dinner (date night)
small bean and cheese burrito (exceedingly small, it was as if Jenny Craig herself called the damn restaurant!)
6 tortilla chips

Snack
JC Lemon cake

Up 1.2

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 16:41

Up 1.2

JC Weigh in

Not too much of a shocker. I was up 1.2 pounds at weigh in this morning. I haven't been exercising using the "resting my knee" excuse when there were non-knee jarring exercises I could be doing, I have let a few things slip in terms of eating , but not terrible, and TOM has arrived with a vengeance. So I am not freaking out about the gain.

Would I have like to lost 1.4 and hit goal INSTEAD of gaining 1.2 and making goal all but impossible for next week? Sure, but like we have all said a hundred times this is about the lifestyle change not the scale, and I am pretty happy with how I conducted myself this Thanksgiving.


Thoughts on the Food log

I'll be back later to post food for the day. I have to say that, even though I know the food posts are boring as hell, the increased accountability has helped keep me from totally going crazy with the food like I did last winter (and every winter for years!), so I think I am going to keep it up until I feel like I don't need it anymore.

I do not want this to be about deprivation and it really hasn't been, but I get into denial very quickly about how much I am eating and tend to have "selective memory syndrome" when I don't have accountability.

I post all my food good or bad. Lying about it hurts only me and not wanting to post it keeps me from choosing foods that I only "want" to fill the hole instead of because it tastes good and I want to enjoy it. It is ok for me to have food I love to enjoy it. It is not ok for me to use it as a crutch to feel better in the instant and then beat myself up over it later.

Anyhoo, enough of that! Have a fantastic day!

As usual, you guys rock!

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 01:28

As usual, you guys rock!

You are all so AWESOME

I am so glad that I found this site and made it part of journey to a healthy lifestyle. I was feeling pretty down about the family thing yesterday, but your amazingly thoughtful comments and some email conversations I have had really helped me put it in perspective. It also helped keep me from using it as an excuse to binge today. I had MAJOR cramps and just felt icky and I wanted to just eat and eat, but I kept it in check thanks to you guys!

Exercise

none. I had to work at my old job today and then major cramps.

Food

Breakfast
JC French Toast
coffee

Snack
Grande nonfat sugar-free vanilla latte
1/4 c. cottage cheese
1 box thing of raspberries (about 1/2 cup I think)

Lunch
JC Mac and Cheese

Snack
about 3 oz. of Turkey from the leftovers (cold, no gravy)

Dinner
salad w/ JC dressing and croutons (low fat croutons)
JC Meatloaf (Not my fav, but I am trying to get rid of old meals that have been in the freezer)

Snack
yogurt w/ 1/4c. soy flax cereal

I am a big, fat baby

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 22:12

I am a big, fat baby

but I am going to whine about this anyway.

I got nothin'!

Not one compliment. Not one, "wow, you are looking good." or "you've lost weight." NOTHING!

My family has not seen me since I was down about 12 pounds I am now down 22 (maybe less, it has not been a great food/exercise week.) However, I have lost a considerable amount more AND I have never kept weight I lost off this long before.

Now before you go and give them the "they love you just as you are" benefit of the doubt, these are the same people that gave me a membership to Nutrisystem for my 17th birthday ( I didn't ask for it, they just surprised me! I believe my response was "it is that bad, huh?" I was pretty embarrassed)

WTF??

Also I did not get a single, 'hey, great job on the marathon" or even "how was the marathon?" The only comment about the marathon or triathlon was , "You know you have to be careful with those marathons and triathlons and stuff. Everyone that I know that did those things got real fat after they stopped because they were used to being able to eat all the time."

Nice. Thanks.

Whatever.

Breakfast
JC French toast plus banana
coffee

snack
Grande non-fat sugar-free vanilla latte

Thanksgiving Dinner (served at 1:00 pm southern style)
Turkey (about 6 oz)
mashed potatoes w/ gravy (about 1/2 cup total)
Heirloom tomato salad (had olive oil dressing on it)

Dessert
small piece choc. cake (ate about 3/4 of it. too rich and had pumpkin filling. Not a huge fan of pumpkin, but Mom baked it from scratch so I had to try some)
coffee

Snack
LARGE piece of berry pie

I rock!

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 11:39

I rock!

I am here to report I have had pie in my house for over 14 hours and have not eaten any of it. Of course, my mother would KILL me for bring a pie that had been sliced into, but I will still take it as a win. I was never opposed to replacing the original pie I intended to bring (and ate by myself) with a new pie I bought on my way to her house!

Did I ever tell you all about the year I had to replace the candy in my husband's Easter basket five times because I kept eating it?! I know now to buy the stuff the night before!

Anyhoo..

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And to those that don't celebrate this holiday, just Happy Day!

Wednesday Log

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 23:19

Wednesday Log

Good News

I got to pick up my 20 "new to me" microscopes from State today! I was begging for money at Back to School Night and a parent actually said "ok, how much do you need?" I almost fell out of my chair. She gave me a check for $500 to buy refurbished microscopes that State was selling for $50 a piece (HELL of a deal. They are old, but have amazing optics!)

I went to the microscope guy at State and told him I got a donation to buy some microscopes and he asked how many I wanted, I said, " is there any way I can get 20 for $500?" He said, "let me ask" and Voila! I have 20 new microscopes for my kids at a STEAL! He even serviced them all for me for free, threw in a bunch of extra bulbs AND a binocular scope for me! I could barely contain myself!

Then...

I went up to see my master professor to see if there was any word on the Raccoon study I was hoping to get in on as the RVT. This would also give me a project to write a thesis for my MS and YES it was approved by the FDA and I am going to be a part of it! Happy Dance!

All in all a pretty darn good day!

Exercise

none. I guess I am taking this "rest your knee" thing to heart. I could have swam, but... I didn't.

Food

Breakfast
JC French Toast
coffee

Snack
Grande nonfat sugar-free vanilla latte

Lunch
JC Cheesy Enchilada
1/4 c. cottage cheese

Snack
JC S'mores bar
coffee

Dinner
Sushi
Golden Bell Roll (I think we are talking full blown addiction at this point)
Tamago

Snack
none
Diet Coke

Thanksgiving Gratitude List

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 19:18

Thanksgiving Gratitude List

Thanksgiving Gratitude List

1. I am grateful I am clean and sober. Without this, nothing else that is good in my life, or my life itself for that matter, would be possible.

2. I am grateful for my relationship with my husband. We met in a meeting almost 17 years ago and have been together ever since. He has been with me through the worst of the worst times and stuck by me when everyone else had given up. He gave me tough love when I needed it and softness when I needed it. He makes me feel safe and loved. I can not thank him enough for that. I never thought I was capable of the life we have built together. Feet first baby! (We have a joke. “No one leaves this relationship unless it is feet first!” We have a morbid sense of humor in my house)

3. I am grateful for my family of origin. I lost them once. Not lost, that sounds like I was a victim, I wasn’t. I threw them away once. I will never let that happen again.

4. I am grateful for my education and the opportunities it has afforded me. My father was the first in our family to go to college. He worked three jobs to make it happen. He had to attend alternate quarters to work enough to save for the next quarter and then he continued to work while he was in school. When I came along he was determined that I would not struggle as he did. I don’t remember a time when I thought I wasn’t going to college. When the time came I was an immature, emotionally screwed up girl and I ended up dropping out (let’s be honest, I dropped out before they kicked me out.) I squandered his money and shattered his dreams.
When I got my shit together I was too embarrassed to even attempt school again. I thought I was too stupid, lazy, unmotivated, etc. My then boyfriend, now husband, encouraged me to go back. He couldn’t see me waiting tables and cocktailing for the rest of my life. I started back at community college (it was my dime this time and I had to work full time to make it happen) and discovered that I actually liked learning. I kept at it and eventually graduated with my BS in biology. I was the second person in our family (and last so far) to graduate from college. I have since earned my registered veterinary technician (RVT) license, a single subject teaching credential in biology and chemistry, MA in Administration and Educational Leadership, a preliminary administrative credential, and am currently working on a second masters degree (MS) in Microbiology and Molecular Biology.

5. I am grateful for my furry, feathered and scaly family. I have a large animal family that gives me joy everyday and reminds me not to take life so damn seriously!

Posted By: RBR | Comments (2

Good News & Bad News

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 00:32

Good News & Bad News

Ever the optimist I will begin with the good news! (read: I want to put off admitting to the horrifying amount of food I ate today)

Knee Doctor

I went today and it was so nice to go to a doctor that isn't standing by the door with their hand on the handle, chomping at the bit to get to their next patient, before they even say hello to you. He examined my knee, asked what I had done so far and never once acted like I was an idiot for coming in or waiting so long to come in. Plus he was HOT, another big plus in my book.

He took an x-ray of my knee and said he did not see evidence of a stress fracture (Yikes! Hadn't considered that one) but he couldn't rule it out. He gave me a cortisone shot in my knee (He mentioned it, I asked for it. Surprisingly not painful due to and anesthetic spray he used. It ached for a little while later, but all in all not bad) He prescribed physical therapy and gave me several physical therapists that he recommended to run by my oh-so-caring-and-competent primary care physician to see if I can get insurance to pay for it. He told me to give the knee a break from the treamill for 24-48 hours and then try a short run on Saturday. So I will do that.

I feel good that I have tried this new avenue, hopefully it will be what I need to be able to get running and training for Napa! He said if it isn't any better in 2 weeks that I need to come back to see him and he will insist on an MRI to see if there is a fracture (I really don't think so).

Anyway that is the update!

Part II of the Good News

As of 12 noon today, NO CHERUBS of either the high school or college variety for 5 days!! Love them to death, but to ensure that it is not LITERALLY to death I need a break from them sometimes!

College cherubs have a lab report due on Monday and their final lab practical on Wednesday so they are all emailing like mad, but I don't have to go and teach them. Yipee!

The high school cherubs are as glad to get rid of me for 5 days as I am to get rid of them, so we are all good! I doubt there will be any phone calls or emails from them! Another Yipee!

Food (*sigh* It is time to face the music)

Breakfast
(1) English muffin
coffee
(2) JC French Toast ( I know, you are shocked!)
more coffee

Snack
apple
more coffee
1 inch square of Sees chocolate bar (college reference letter bribes are starting to trickle in, must pawn these off on other teenagers! And yes, the remainder of this bar is stashed in my desk.)

Lunch
1 slice cheese pizza (the victory party for my class winning the Second Harvest Canned Food Drive. I am ridiculously competitive about this and i win every year! I had stiff competition this year, but the kids stepped it up and we won! Boo Yah!)
And even more coffee (the shocking revelations they just keep a comin')

Snack
Sushi (ok, not really a snack, but was eaten in lieu of a snack, so... I know, lame!)
Golden Bell Roll
Tamago
Diet Coke (hey, at least it wasn't coffee!)

Dinner
JC Cheesy Enchilada

Snack (because there just hasn't been enough!)
JC Lemon cake
Yogurt w/ 1/4 c. soy flax cereal

I was right vegetables SUCK!

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 01:16

I was right vegetables SUCK!

Vegetables

I knew I didn't like the damn things for a reason. Yesterday, I was eating a bowl of salad with cherry tomatoes and when I bit into one it squirted its tomato guts all over my keyboard. Now I have to hit the "d" key really hard to get it to type. You don't realize how many "d's" you use until the damn key doesn't work. (I seriously almost left it they way it was without fixing all the 'd's' but it didn't make any sense.)
Arghhhh!

Knee, the returning saga

I am finally going to the orthopedic doctor tomorrow to find out what I can do about my knee. It has been a month since the marathon and I still can't run. I need some help. I have decided to pay for it myself since my primary care physician's office is incompetent. I do not throw that word around lightly, but they have had a changing of the guard and I can not seem to get anything to work from them, so that is what they are, incompetent. I am worried, but at least I will know something tomorrow

Food

Breakfast
(1) English muffin
coffee
(2) JC French Toast plus banana
coffee

Snack
apple
small donut (See, how I said small as if that somehow negated the "donut" part)

Lunch
JC Cheesy Enchilada

Snack
JC S'mores bar
Powerbar (during class, long time until dinner)

Dinner
JC Salisbury Steak
salad w/ JC dressing and croutons

Snack
Yogurt w/ 1/4 c. soy flax cereal

Sunday Report

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 13:51

Sunday Report

Exercise

I went to the gym again yesterday! I don't know why I am still so proud of myself when I do that, but I am.Sunday's workout:

42 minutes on the treadmill:
Total of 3 miles
Walked at an average 13:43 pace which is greatly boosted by the fact that I ran the last 6 minutes at a 9:13 min/mile pace.
One hour strength training class (That crazy little woman is trying to kill us all. I am growing more convinced that she is, indeed, possessed by the devil)

Food

Breakfast
(1)JC French Toast
coffee
(2) 2 scrambled eggs, fruit, english muffin, and berry pie
lots more coffee

Snack
did not need one due to aforementioned second breakfast and pie (can I say again )

Lunch
JC Mac and Cheese

Snack
Salad w/ JC dressing and croutons

Dinner
JC Turkey Dinner

Snack
JC Lemon Cake
Yogurt w/ 1/4 c. soy flax cereal

Saturday Food Log and small rant

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 23:31

Saturday Food Log and small rant

Exercise

47 minute Bike ride (moderate to intense effort)

I rode hard the whole way. Ave 14.7 mph pace, which is pretty darn fast for the bike trail since you have to constantly slow down to pass people. This leads me to my next rant...

Bike Trail Etiquette

Dear yoga pant suit wearing, double wide stroller toting, cell phone talker:

If I am passing you on the bike trail and I call out "On your left" this is to notify you that I am coming behind you and am going to pass you on your left, so you may not want to step out onto that side of the trail lest I might strike you or your beloved child.

Please remember that I don't have time to stop and discuss this with you, so the convention is that we have shortened the above statement to "on your left."

So when I say "on your left", I have not screamed "move over asshole I am more important than you", I have not said some disparaging remark about your mother, nor have I commented on the size of your ass, I just wanted to inform you of my presence. So please do not feel the need to make snarky comments about me when I ride by or flip me off, because one day, you self-important rich bitch, I will turn around ,hop off my bike and beat the living crap out of you.

Thank you for your time and consideration,
RBR

Food

Breakfast
JC French Toast plus banana (Which I will NEVER think of in the same way again thanks to Tracy!)

Snack
yogurt w/ bit of granola

Lunch
JC Cheesy Enchilada

Snack
apple
salad w/ JC dressing and croutons

Dinner (date night at Sushi)
Golden Bell Roll (yes, again!)
Tamago
Diet Coke

Snack (date night Baskin Robbins)
1 scoop low fat yogurt Raspberry Cheesecake flavor on plain cone(ice cream style so not much better for you than regular ice cream. Very yummy)

Boo Yah!

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 13:00

Boo Yah!

WI

I went to weigh in this morning and I WAS DOWN 3.4 FREAKING POUNDS!! Now, I have lots of qualifiers I could put on that, but I am not going to. I am just going to enjoy it. I have been struggling at this for a while now and I just want to enjoy that, today on the f*&^%$# Jenny Craig scale, which has been the bane of my existence, I was down to my lowest weight since starting this journey!!

BOO-FREAKING-YAH!!!

Friday night, all alone

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 00:30

Friday night, all alone

My weeks are always a little crazy, so I veg out on Friday night. I have now taken to checking blogs and posting comments. Then I sit and wait for new blogs, but none come, why? Because everyone else is out having a life on a Friday night. *sigh*

Previous post questions

Here are the answers to some of the questions on my recent post: Due to some technical difficulty (read: EP being a massive pain in the ass sometimes!) I was not able to edit some things:

1. "French toast banana" is supposed to be French Toast PLUS banana, but apparently I have used my quota of symbols for EP and it will NOT post it. I have tried to edit it twice with no luck.

*I posted this on Shelley's blog earlier and realized that the plus sign ban is still in effect*

2. 's peanut butter cookie and 's Turkey sandwich used to say Togo's and somehow it got deleted in the 12 times EP deleted my blog. I have since edited it, but who knows maybe like Shelleys "non-YouTube video" they do not allow non-sponsor product endorsement of sandwich items.

3. The Reeses' Peanut Butter Cup was left unattended. It is the child's own damn fault that I stole it. I was teaching them a valuable lesson. That is what I do. I am a teacher. The fact that I am premenstrual and would have snatched said Reeses' cup from their grubby little hands if I had to is beside the point.

7 in 7 progress

1. I exercised 5 times this week and went to 3 strength training classes. Including a one hour class on Sunday taught by a tiny little perky woman who may or may not have been possessed by the devil.

2. Other than the Reeses incident, I have not had any other candy this week.

3. I told my hubby I loved him and gave him a smooch 6 out of 7 days

4. Veggies, ok, let's not talk about the veggies. I think I had two servings of veggies 1 out of 7 days

5. I only had on AP review. I will leave it at that. It was part of the shit storm week.

6. I played with my babies this weekend and had some quality time.

7. I drank all of my water everyday!

Exercise

None today. Planned rest day. Earned and deserved after Shit Storm Week

Weigh In

I skipped weigh in so I could go out to lunch and then take a nap (it is my weight loss secret! No exercise, no accountability, eat off plan and then sleep. All the super models do it)

I will go tomorrow morning.

Food

Breakfast
(1)English muffin (dry)
(2)JC French toast plus banana
coffee

Snack
apple
frozen yogurt (child size Wow Cow, sugar free and fat free.) w/ almonds
snack pack of dried prunes
coffee of course!
*1/2 piece of pumpkin pie (student brought it in from Foods class, I have gotten three so far and have been able to pawn them off on kids before I ate them. This time I was alone. I don't even really like pumpkin pie.)

Lunch
Red Robin: Chicken Caesar Wrap (fruit, no fries)
Diet coke

Dinner
Tofu Stir fry that my hubby made
salad w/ JC dressing and croutons

Snack
JC Lemon cake

You guys are so awesome!

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 01:02

You guys are so awesome!

The original title of this post was "And the Crap Storm, she keeps on a flyin'!", but I am trying to be more positive, so I changed it to a sentiment that I really do mean. I think you guys are so great!

I have had a rough week so far. I tried to post last night and I got a few comments in before EP wouldn't load anymore (???) so I couldn't get on.

Here is an update:

Exercise

Monday
none

Tuesday
40 minutes walking on the treadmill (2.75 miles ave. 14:33 min/mile as
fast as my short legs can take me at a walk!)
30 minute strength training class

Wednesday
none

*This is my crazy schedule day. On top of that, the day was complete shit. I am trying to wipe it from my memory

Thursday

40 minutes walking on treadmill (I tried to run, but didn't even make it a mile before my knee hurt bad enough to have to stop. I was able to continue walking 2.75 miles)
30 minute strength training class (Holy Cow, do my abs hurt!)

Life

Well, the original title for this post says it all

Food

I saved this for last because it is so boring. I was trying to talk myself out of posting this because I had to post 3 days worth. Sometimes the pressure of having to own up to what I ate online is the only thing that keeps me from going ape shit. I will list each meal with all three days under each.

Breakfast (I get up at 4 am during the week so I eat two breakfasts)

T: (1) English muffin, coffee (2) Power Bar, coffee

W: (1) English muffin, coffee (2) JC French Toast banana, coffee

Th: (1) English muffin, coffee (2) JC French Toast banana, coffee

Snack

T: Snack pack of dried mangoes, apple, coffee

W: snack pack of dried mangoes, snack pack of dried prunes, ¼ c. cottage cheese, coffee

Th: snack pack of dried prunes, ½ c. cottage cheese, coffee

Lunch

T: JC Mac and Cheese

W: ½ small Togo’s turkey sand (no cheese, no mayo)

Th: JC Cheesy Enchilada

Snack

T: Reeses’ peanut butter cup (found in student lounge, so bad AND stolen), coffee

W: Togo’s peanut butter cookie (the big ones), coffee

Th: JC Cheese curls, Sushi outing before gym: California Rolls, Tamago, and avocado rolls, snack pack of dried prunes

Dinner

T: JC Chicken Fettuccine

W: ½ Togo’s sand (the rest from lunch)

Th: JC Meatloaf, salad w. JC dressing and croutons

Snack

T: yogurt w/ ¼ c. cereal

W: yogurt w/ ¼ c. cereal

Th: JC Lemon cake

BTW: Thank God I post in word. EP deleted this three times trying to post it!

Mixed bag

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 23:42

Mixed bag

Food
Today's food didn't go as well as yesterday.

Breakfast:
JC French Toast
coffee

Breakfast #2:
oatmeal w/ 1/2 sliced banana
more coffee

Snack:
coffee

Lunch: Out to sushi w/ friend form LA before she left
Golden Bell Roll (really not good for you)
Tamago
Diet Coke

Snack:
more coffee (sheesh!)

Dinner:
Salad w/ JC dressing and croutons
JC Mac and Cheese

Snack:
Chocolate Cake** (LARGE piece ate all of it)

**I was going to get Taco Bell for dinner AND the cake, but I told myself I had to choose one. I think this is better than all or nothing attitude I usually have, where I would go whole hog since I screwed up the day anyway.


Exercise

I didn't do any exercise today. I will pay for that later in the week

Mood

Lightened by the fact that I got A LOT of shit done today.

1. Grading a stack of tests I had been putting off for a couple of weeks. I am currently working on a equally late stack of lab reports.

2. Tutoring for AP Biology Genetics Problems (slowed my progress grading, but who can get mad at kids that come in on Veteran's Day to get help)

3. Cleaned the entire house including all animals' cages and bowls.

4. Washed , dried and folded ALL of my laundry. Even found some long, lost run socks! Separated my dry cleaning to get taken to the cleaners.

5. Quality time with my buddy from LA

6. Quality time with my kitties!

Survived the night!

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 10:06

Survived the night!

My hubby went to Monterey for a couple of days. He left on Sunday. Usually when he goes out of town I binge like crazy. Last night I posted all of my food except two handfuls of cereal I ate right before bed, so all in all a good food day and I worked out in the morning instead of hiding in bed all day as I would surely have done before.

I was going to get up early and go to the gym to walk on the treadmill (it is cold outside. Yeah, seriously wimpy Californian here!) but I have been dawdling and now I have to get ready to meet my friend for breakfast. I will need to go later to keep on track. I already ate my JC French toast so hopefully I won't be too bad at breakfast. I LOVE breakfast!

Today I am going to school to get some grading done. We have Veteran's Day off so NO CHERUBS!! Maybe I can get some work done! I am only going to grade for 3 hours MAX! My house is a disaster and I have no clean laundry ,so I have to come home and take care of it before the week starts!

Hope you all have a great day!

Sunday Report

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 20:45

Sunday Report

Exercise

I went to the gym this morning:

Aerobic:
Treadmill: Walked very brisk, 40 minutes (2.75 mi. average 14:33/mile)

Strength Training:
Body Sculpt Class 1 hr (Holy Cow! That was hard!)

Food

Breakfast:
JC French Toast
Coffee

Snack:
Raspberries (the whole box they come in)

Lunch:
Salad w/ JC dressing and low fat croutons (I refuse to eat salad without croutons)
JC Cheesy Enchilada

Snack:
1 cup nonfat yogurt w/ 1/4c. Soy Flax Cereal
Coffee

Dinner:
**UPDATE**
JC Salisbury Steak
salad w/ JC dressing and croutons


Mood

Not 100%, but better. Thank you for all of the really thoughtful comments. It is nice to know that I am not the only one. Sometimes I feel like a freak. No one else in my family has the problem with food that I do.

Help

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 18:02

Help

I feel like I am on the verge of a full blown binge/relapse. For the past week (and I am REALLY hoping it is TOM issues because it could be) I have been feeling like I just want to drown myself in food. Comfort food like cookies, pie, starches, fats, etc. Not just overeat on healthy stuff like I had been doing a while ago, but full blown binge status and eat whatever I want when I want it..

The weather is changing, work and school are stressing me out, my knee hurts and I can't run, all of these things make me want to eat and eat until my stomach explodes like an overfed goldfish!

Right now the thought of not overeating is making me want to overeat more. I need to be held accountable for my eating. I am getting stressed about the upcoming holidays and feeling deprived at parties and meals. I haven't felt deprived all along this journey but all of a sudden I am freaking out about not being able to stuff myself until the point of pain. Does that make any sense?

How can I want to hurt myself that way? I know I will feel sick and bad about myself afterwards, but I feel almost panicked about not be "able to." I don't know if this makes any sense, but I had to get it out there.

I didn't even post a weightloss goal for my 7 goals because I honestly did not think I could do it through the holidays. I have envisioned my graph going up and up and up until I am too embarrassed to come and post here and then next May I end up exactly where I started when I went to JC last May.

So I am going to post my food intake here not as a statement of 'bad" or "good" but just as a factual list. At least then I have to think about how much emotional eating I am doing. I am not sure if this is a good idea or not, but I am seriously worried about my "food mood" right now.

Here is today so far:

Breakfast:
JC French Toast
Coffee

Exercise: 1/4mi walk knee hurting too bad to continue.

Snack:
Grande Nonfat Sugar-free vanilla latte

Lunch:
JC Mac 'n Cheese
1 slice of wheat bread with margarine (not needed just wanted)

Snack:
1 cup non-fat yogurt with 1/4 of organic soy flax flakes in it
1 snack package of dried mango pieces

Dinner:
I am going out to Japanese with my friend from LA. I will update this later

**UPDATE**
1 tamago
cold tofu appetizer
1 Golden Bell Roll (HUGE, fattening, but screamin')

And for Shelley: This tamago. It is egg and really yummy!

Crap-a-palooza 2008

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 23:31

Crap-a-palooza 2008

WI

Honestly, did I think I could eat almost an entire bag of Halloween candy, not exercise a lick, and only gain the measly 0.2 lb that I gained last weigh in? I think I am a little too pragmatic to believe that, but I was still a little shocked to see that I had gained another 2.6 lbs.

I must admit that I was seriously tempted to record 134.2 so that I could hang on to the 20 pound mark (read "seriously tempted" as I did it, then felt bad about being a big, fat liar and went back and edited it)

What stopped me was the thought that I could post that I weigh 125 and my graph would look fantastic, but I would look and feel like a 134.8 pounder. Is this about looking good on the internet or feeling good in real life? I say it is about feeling good in the skin I have whether it be at 150, 135,or 130.

So there it is.

Knee

I went to the massage therapist. This is getting seriously expensive. I am not entirely convinced that the knee feels any better, so I am not going to go next week.

I am going to try to run tomorrow, but I think it will be like last week. At least I will get out there a little. The coach says to keep trying but not to run through the pain. The more inflamed it gets the longer it will take to heal.

I am struggling with my doctor to get a referral to a Sports Medicine Specialist. I have gotten three referrals from my doctor's office. So far I have been referred to a doctor that only sees appointments Monday-Thursday 8am-12pm (nice schedule doc!) , a Gastroenterologist (???) ,and then I was referred to the same M-TH 8-12 guy a second time! Arghhh!

7 Goals in 7 Weeks!

(Finally! As Ms. Shelley has pointed out, I only have 6 weeks to Xmas, so I will make mine until New Years )

1. Exercise 5 days a week. (At least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise 5 times a week and strength training 2 times a week)

2. Drink at least 80 oz. of water a day.

3. Tell my husband that I love him and give him a kiss everyday (Horrifyingly embarrassing that I have to list this as a goal but I get pretty distracted (read: self-involved) with my schedule

4. Play time with the cats every weekend.

5. At least two servings of fresh vegetables per day.

6. NO MORE CANDY!! (It is like crack! A couple of fun size Snickers and I am ready to sell my brother for chocolate)

7. Only one night review for AP Biology per week, so that I am home before 9 pm at least one night per week.

Good end to a Craptastic Day

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 00:44

Good end to a Craptastic Day

My day sucked. That is all I want to say about it, it just sucked. I was not a victim in its craptasticness, I was an active participant, so don't pity me.

Moving on.

I ended my day much better than the first 12 hours.

1. Tonight I went to the gym. I was not drug by wild horses, I went of my own free will. I was uncomfortable, scared and more than a little intimidated, but I manned up and went.

2. At the gym I used the scary elliptical thing-a-ma-job for 35 minutes. I did it all at a level 4. I had to ask the self-involved gym employee to help me with it. That rocked. I guess I should have brought my Double D's with me so I could get a halfway interested attitude from him, but whatever!

3. After my 35 minutes on the elliptical I went to the strength training class that I wussed out of on Tuesday. There were only four students counting me and the lady was really nice. I got my ass handed to me, but it was all in all a good experience.

So the day was... well, it just was, but it ended on a high note.

I ate my JC today with an added (read: extra, not on plan) trip to sushi for a California roll and Tamago.


7 goals in 7 weeks to come. I don't think today is a good day to make a positive goal list.

Still thinking

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 01:16

Still have to think on that 7 goals thing

I am beat but I wanted to do a quick post because I worked out tonight despite being bone-ass tired. So I am pretty proud of myself.

I rode the boring-as-hell stationary bike for 30 minutes (I rode at a HR b/t 150-165 the entire time). I was also 100% JC today. Yay me!

7 goals in 7 weeks coming soon! I will be up to the challenge! Fantastic idea TatumsMom!

Peace out peeps!

I feel HUGE

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 21:19

I feel HUGE

How is it that your weight doesn't change much, but from day to day you can go from one day feeling pretty good about your weight to feeling like a big, fat lardo the next?

One problem may be that the flaxseed supplements aren't taking care of my "issues" as they were before. Anyone have any suggestions?

I think another problem is the lack of exercise. I feel like I am stalled in my weight loss because I am not moving enough.

I imagine this sounds a little weird from someone that ran a marathon a two and a half weeks ago, but I had taken the 2 weeks prior to the marathon off because of my knee and then I didn't do anything for 2 weeks after it because of my knee. Stacey, you can't run get over it.

So I am trying to get back into it.

Exercise so far this week:

Saturday:
ran 1 mile, walked 1 mile and did some strength training.

Tuesday:
30 minutes on Stationary bike (my bike on a trainer on my patio) this morning (at 4 am!)

I am trying to convince myself to go the the gym tonight to do a strength training class, but as you all know I am a monumental wimp about the gym. We will see.

Shelley

I gave away the four Snickers I had stashed in my desk. (Teenagers are better than garbage disposals! ) So I did not eat them, save them , or have to go dumpster diving for them! Win, win, win!

Food

Much better! 100% JC today!

Sleep

I need to keep up with the herbal tea at night and the wind down routine at night before I go to bed. The hard part is I fall asleep fine, I just can't STAY asleep. Again, if anyone has any ideas feel free to let me know!


**UPDATE**

Return of the chicken, I wimped out on the strength training class. I fiddled around until it was too late to get there early. I HATE being late! I am habitually early to things. I didn't want to be the lame new girl that walks in late and doesn't know what to do.

Could be better, could be worse.

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 17:19

Could be better, could be worse.

WI

I was up 0.2 at JC. Whatever. After 12 billion fun size Snickers and NO exercise I don't really have anything to complain about.

Today's Run and the never ending Knee Saga

I ran, it hurt. I stopped running. Bummer

Now is where the old Stacey would get all negative, frustrated and just "pick up her marbles and go home" but , instead I decided to get a full 30 minutes of aerobic exercise and do some strength training. Just because I can't run right now doesn't mean I can't work out. I still need exercise, it just can't be running right now.

My workout this morning (nothing fantastic, but much better than it could have been):

Aerobic: (total w/o warm up 30 minutes)
0.25 mile warm up walk, followed by stretching
1 mile run
1 mile walk

Strength/flexibility: (total about 15 minutes)
4 sets of 10 crunches with 5 sec. break between sets
3 sets of side planks per side (20 sec hold, 5 sec. break between)
3 sets of the bridge pose (30 sec hold, 5 sec. break between)
3 sets of front planks (30 sec hold, 10 sec. break between)
10 minutes various stretches

CAN SOMEONE PULL THIS SNICKERS WRAPPER OFF MY FOREHEAD?

Thank God Halloween is over! I think I am in danger of slipping into a sugar-induced coma. Remember, how I said I needed to get my eating under control? Ummm, that hasn't gone so well. I have stopped the eating out issue, but I don't think eating 12 billion fun sized Snickers really constitutes "under control."

Here is my check in.

Weekly goal progress

1. Drink 80 oz.water per day! Since school started the water consumption is lagging. Too much coffee, not enough water.

DONE! Yay me! (We need to celebrate here, because things are going to get ugly in a second)

2. In bed by 10 pm every night

Not even close. I don't think I was even home by 10 pm this week.

3. Gym on Tuesday morning to try out scary elipitical thing-a-ma-job

Bawk, bawk, bawk! That is my chicken noise. Yep, completely chickened out using the excuse that I was too tired from working long days. Lie. I chickened out.

4. Research the Pilates options

I did this. Probably because it didn't involve actually doing anything. Pilates is expensive! I am going to try a class next week, and we will see how it goes.


Halloween

Fun! I was a penguin for Halloween! The kids loved it. I am such a dork!


WI

I am going to JC tomorrow morning to weigh in. I will report then. I am not expecting anything wonderful.

Knee

I went to the sadist, umm, I mean sports masseuse on Thursday. It hurt like hell! He said he was going to try to really loosen it up. I was hoping by the end of the session it would still be attached.

He told me to try a run this weekend to see how it is doing, so I am going to run on Saturday morning. I will let you know.

That's it for me. I am off to check on you!