"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Dear Universe...

You are kind of a bitch. 
Just saying. 



How the universe has dicked me over taught me important lessons recently:

Lesson 1
Order of events: Purchased ridiculously expensive iPhone 4S for hubby as a surprise Valentines Day/Next four hundred birthdays present.  Next day,  I dropped my own ridiculously expensive Android phone onto the concrete floor of my classroom (the screen shattered and went dark, never to play Words with Friends again *sniff*). Two days after that, my computer displayed the blue screen of death.

The Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha is implied.

From this I learned... Gratitude.
These are what they call "Cadillac problems'. I remember working two jobs, going to school full time and standing in the office of the mechanic's shop, looking in my checkbook to check my balance to see if I could pay the $200 to get my car running again so I could make it to those two jobs and school. I just spent almost $2000 in a week on shit I do not need I just want. I am pretty damn fortunate.

Lesson 2
Order of events: About 2 months after my husband started to FINALLY feel like a human being again post-prostate cancer treatment his liver enzymes came back elevated and it was time to get serious about the OTHER diagnosis he got at the time of being diagnosed with prostate cancer, Hepatitis C. If it is determined that treatment is indicated it will be ONE YEAR (ok, I am exaggerating it is a mere 50 weeks. Such a drama llama I am *eyeroll*) of weekly interferon injections and twice daily ribovirin. The treatment will cause bone aching flu-like symptoms, depression, and aggressive mood changes. Plus he may lose hair and have his red blood cell count drop dangerously low. Super!

He has a liver biopsy on the 28th, hopefully it will not show evidence of scarring or cirrhosis and he will not have to start this now.

From this I learned... Appreciate today.
Waiting until something happens or something is done to live your life and appreciate all the things you have is wasteful and sometimes you do not get to end one rough chapter and skip merrily off to live happily ever after. Sometimes you enter another chapter of challenges. I am not going to put seeking happiness on hold waiting for things to be different.

Lesson 3
Order of events: My run partner of many years decided to start a family and that changed our dynamic and made scheduling time together, much less any type of consistent training next to impossible. I took this harder than I would like to admit (what kind of  insecure bitch is jealous of an infant? RBR. That is what kind of insecure bitch) So I work hard to be flexible on scheduling time to be with my best friend and her son. (I even attended baby sign language with them for 6 weeks, where it was assumed, not for the first time, that I was the lesbian lover of my best friend. The instructor taught us the signs for 'gay', 'lesbian' and 'domestic partner'. Whatever. It might come in handy. You never know.) Then I got brave and got a new run partner, the recently introduced TNT Run Buddy. She was just diagnosed with a stress fracture and will be off running for 6-8 weeks. Awesome.

Her royal cuteness is TNT Run Buddy's dog, Winky. Shown here in her best sympathetic pose.

From this I learned... I don't fucking know. Possibly I am supposed to learn that I can be okay with me and my own thoughts, but I will tell you I am currently NOT ready to accept or learn that lesson. Very fucking frustrating. 

Another blog post with more sniveling. Sorry. I started therapy. Hopefully I will be less of an emo asshat soon.

I much prefer evil. It makes me feel like less of a whiny little bitch.

And because she is so damn cute and I would rather end on a high note... Lola at agility class

 She is the smallest dog by at least 50 pounds, and looks scarily similar to the squeak toys they use to rile up the other agility dogs, but look at that laser focus.