Still Alive.

I was tagged

Now Ms. Calyx tagged me, so here are the rules and my 6 word meme.

Rules:

1) Write your own six word memoir.

2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.

3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.

4) Tag at least five more blogs with links.

5) Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

6) Have fun.

Meme:

No longer numb. Finally found me.

Tagged:

Tracy, Shelley, Andrea, um... Calyx already tagged everyone I know. I would love to see what Jane and Shirleyperly did with this but since I don't really know them I just blog stalk them. I feel a little weird... Let's see if I am brave enough to tell them they are tagged (good money, says 'no')

Back to the regular wrap up

TWT: Training While Tired

I am so tired I can barely sit down without practically (or actually) falling asleep. I did all of my training calendar this week, but I did not do my extra run on Thursday and I missed a bike ride because of the 10K in Sacramento on Sunday. I was so tired and I thought I needed to rest for the half marathon trail run that I am doing tomorrow. I did go to swim class on Thursday, but it was not an impressive performance. We did about 600 yards of kick drills which I SUCK AT. I am not being self-deprecating, I am being honest. I don't know what I am doing wrong. Overall my swim feels like it is getting a little better, but I can not do the f-ing kick drills.

Work is insane, but I think the calorie reduction is affecting me too. I know I will get used to it. I have been down this road more than a few times. But it is hard to get everything done when the "batteries" are so low.


The "Let's Get Some Weight Off Stacey's Arse before the San Diego Marathon" Project

Weight Watchers Week 1 went pretty well. I was on point everyday except today. Hubby and I went to Thai food and I ate an extra 7 points today. I did earn 38 activity points this week that I did not swap out, so all in all a pretty good week. Weigh in is tomorrow so we will see how it goes.


Running News

I am running the Skyline Ridge 1/2 Marathon Trail Run tomorrow. It is supposed to be beautiful. I will be sure to snap some photos!

*Sigh*

Food/Weight

The 'Yikes' title could just have easily been about my weight and eating. According to the scale this morning, I trained for, and ran a marathon and gained weight. On the scale this morning

137 * sigh*

Argh! It isn't my "official weigh in day. Which, let's be honest doesn't happen all that often anymore. Amazing how when you know you have been eating like shit you don't want to weigh yourself. The REALLY scary part is that my eating isn't that out of control for me and I am exercising quite a bit, but apparently it doesn't take too much out of control for me to blow up like the Stay Puff marshmallow man! I can feel the weight gain in my jeans, I can see it in my face. This has been going on for months now.

It. Must. Stop.

I can't seem to get a handle on the food frontier again. I have been cooking (I know, my mother is as stunned as you!) dinners and then packing leftovers for lunch. I am eating out less, but am still sneak eating cake and burritos in the car. (TOTALLY embarrassing to admit, but I am in trouble here. Time to get totally honest) Yes, I am a 38 year old professional woman that keeps plastic forks in her car so that she can buy a HUGE piece of cake and scarf it in the car so no one knows. Well, no one, but her ever expanding ass!

Help...I am feeling very sorry for myself this morning even though I am the only one to blame for this.

Unmotivated Saturday

Today
I am feeling less than motivated to do anything. I got my run in and I need to go work on Mission Impossible at work, but I can't seem to make myself get up and moving again.

Stupid Jenny Craig closed at noon today. I didn't know their Saturday schedule, but I thought they would be open until 4 or 5 at least. I dawdled this morning and didn't get to the gym until 10:45, then when I was leaving at noon I called to see if I could swing by JC and do my weigh in, but they were closed. I will try tomorrow morning, but it will be tight I have a class I want to go to and I haven't been super motivated in the mornings to get my ass moving.

I weighed this morning after breakfast and coffee, but BAN (bare ass naked) at 131.0, which is a 0.8 pound loss. I am going to record it. I could use a morale booster today. Over the break my weight got as high as 135.5 when I weighed in the morning, BAN. Whoa! Reality check. That was at the height of the Christmas Cookie Binge-o-Rama. I will record my JC weigh in when I finally get to JC.

Exercise
Run (1:03:24)
Ran 6 miles on treadmill (10:34 min/mile pace)
HR monitor: Total calories burned (622 cal)

Food
Breakfast
2 pcs. wheat toast w/ margarine/coffee (260 cal)
Snack (pre-run/post-run)
banana/almonds & snack pack of dried mangoes (250 cal)
Lunch
JC Cheesy Enchilada(260 cal)
Snack(s)
Yogurt w/ 1/4 c. cereal (150 cal)
Dinner
JC Chicken Carbonara [I subtracted 40 calories because I didn't eat the chicken, it looked gross]/salad w/ JC dressing & croutons (380 cal)
Snack
yogurt w/ 1/4 c. cereal (150 cal)

total calories in: 1450 cal
total calories burned from exercise: 622 cal

GOALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!

Jenny Craig Weigh In

6 months and 13 days after rejoining Jenny Craig for the umpteenth time, I have made my goal weight of 130 pounds. I have never hit goal. I joined JC 13 years ago, becoming a lifetime member because I knew that this would be a lifetime problem. I have been back and forth many, many times, but I have never, ever, made it to goal. I have to say, I am a little proud of myself.

In addition to losing weight, I have run 374 miles since May 25th when I started this journey, have completed another triathlon (Pacific Grove Olympic Distance) , a grueling 5mile run called the Dammit run where I voluntarily ran up, well a Dam obviously, and other assorted killer hills, and I ran/walked the Nike Women's Marathon. I have even eaten a vegetable or two, a fact that my mother and husband are most stunned by.

This may not sound like a lot to you hard core athletes (or even medium core, for that matter), but it is a tremendous amount for me.

My next fitness goals are:

• March 2, 2008: Run the entire Napa Valley Marathon

• September 13, 2008: PR on next year's Pacific Grove Olympic Distance Triathlon (that shouldn't be too hard considering my previous times!)

• October 5, 2008: Half-marathon PR at Cowtown Half Marathon (Again, shouldn't be too hard. It really is the beauty of being so darn slow!)
  

• July, 2009: Complete the Vineman Half-Ironman Triathlon (Whoa, I can't believe I even had the balls to type that)

Exercise

None we bailed on the run. I don't have a good reason so I won't try to make one up.

Food Log for Saturday:

Breakfast
Oatmeal w/ 1/2 banana
coffee coffee
Snack
snack pack of dried plums
Lunch
JC Chicken Carbonara
Snack
LARGE pc. Chocolate cake
Dinner
Sushi/Golden Bell Roll/Tamago

Not bad

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 19:03

Not bad

WI

It could have been worse. I was down 1.4 at weigh in. Since I was up 1.2 last weigh in I am still 1.2 from goal. I am going to try to make it happen for next weigh in, because next weekend the holiday party season officially begins. I have 2 parties next Saturday alone! Plus, my buddy from LA is coming up. Yikes! Fasten your seat belts ladies it is going to be a bumpy ride! At least that is what my graph said! LOL

Exercise

Run (on trail, COLD!!)
0.25 mi walking warm up
3.5 mile run (probably a little more because I was circling to stay with my run buddy who was sick and had to walk to catch her breath) Pace: 12:51 min/mi
0.5 mi walking cool down

The knee felt pretty good, but I think running at a little faster pace is actually better for my knee. But it was nice to be on the trail with my run buddy again.

Food

Breakfast
coffee (trying to not eat right before weigh in. Lame.)

Snack
none (we were out running during snack time)

Lunch (after run)
Carrow's Southwest Chicken salad (small lunch portion, dressing on side. They gave me about 3 tbsp max. of dressing. I am seriously thinking Jenny Craig IS stalking me and calling these restaurants! )
english muffin (instead of the garlic toast that comes with the salad. Yay me!)
Apple pie (you knew it was coming, don't act shocked!)

Snack
coffee

Dinner
JC Chicken Carbonara (new menu item. pretty darn tasty actually)
salad w/ JC dressing and croutons

Snack
JC Lemon Cake (because one can never have enough baked goods in one day)

Self Sabotage

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 22:34

Self Sabotage

Accountability

I am beginning to think Tracy is right about our subconscious desire to sabotage our weight loss efforts. Last weigh in I was at 132.4, up 1.2 from my all time low the week before of 131.4 and it was TOM. Goal was now feasibly attainable for the next weigh in.

Therefore this week, I have been hyper-vigilant about my food and exercise. Wednesday I weighed at home at my goal weight of 130.0 (BAN in the morning), yesterday morning I weighed 129.5 at home (again BAN), and this morning I weighed 129.5 (home BAN). So since I now weigh in Saturday morning at JC as close to bare-ass naked as I can legally get away with, I had a real shot at reaching goal at JC this weekend.

Note that I said "had."

So with goal so close, why did I let myself get so hungry by skipping lunch that when I agreed to go to a late lunch with my friends I STUFFED myself at Chevy's? I had decided yesterday that I was going to sushi to eat my beloved Golden Bell Roll, which meant I was choosing it over Chevy's today. I even told my friends that I wasn't going to go to Chevy's or if I did I wasn't going to order, but then not only did I order, I STUFFED myself until it hurt.

So needless to say, reaching goal tomorrow is most likely not going to happen.

I know, I know, it is about a lifestyle change not a number, blah, blah, blah...
I have said it and meant it to countless people. But the reality is the goal does matter to me and I have been losing and gaining these same 3 pounds for a few months now.

Am I afraid to reach goal?

Really it isn't even my true goal. When I went to JC this time I was afraid to put the weight I really wanted because I was afraid I would fail at this yet again. I am 5' 2.5" and even with a large frame size (according to a frame size calculator that I found posted on Tracy's blog. I know it isn't 100% accurate, but I am pretty damn sturdy. "Built like a brick shit house" is what my dad calls it. ) I know I could pull off 120-125 if I was fit. So my 'super secret plan' has been to reach goal at JC (finally get my 35% rewards discount) and then change my goal here to 125 and keep working at it.

I guess I could change my goal now, but I really want the extrinsic reward of hitting my original goal and then choosing to continue. I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but it is how I feel.

So the Reader's Digest version of what I just bored the snot out of you with is: I am disappointed with myself.

Exercise

none. Rest day
I am running tomorrow morning after weigh in. 3 or 4 miles

Food

Breakfast
(1) English muffin
coffee
(2) JC French Toast plus banana
coffee

Snack(s)
apple
snack pack of dried mango
snack pack of dried plums

Lunch/Dinner
Chevy's Chicken Fajitas
>All of the grilled chicken
>All rice and beans
>3 flour tortillas (yes, I had to ask for more. They only give you two)
>~1 tbsp. of sour cream
coffee

Snack tonight
none

Up 1.2

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 16:41

Up 1.2

JC Weigh in

Not too much of a shocker. I was up 1.2 pounds at weigh in this morning. I haven't been exercising using the "resting my knee" excuse when there were non-knee jarring exercises I could be doing, I have let a few things slip in terms of eating , but not terrible, and TOM has arrived with a vengeance. So I am not freaking out about the gain.

Would I have like to lost 1.4 and hit goal INSTEAD of gaining 1.2 and making goal all but impossible for next week? Sure, but like we have all said a hundred times this is about the lifestyle change not the scale, and I am pretty happy with how I conducted myself this Thanksgiving.


Thoughts on the Food log

I'll be back later to post food for the day. I have to say that, even though I know the food posts are boring as hell, the increased accountability has helped keep me from totally going crazy with the food like I did last winter (and every winter for years!), so I think I am going to keep it up until I feel like I don't need it anymore.

I do not want this to be about deprivation and it really hasn't been, but I get into denial very quickly about how much I am eating and tend to have "selective memory syndrome" when I don't have accountability.

I post all my food good or bad. Lying about it hurts only me and not wanting to post it keeps me from choosing foods that I only "want" to fill the hole instead of because it tastes good and I want to enjoy it. It is ok for me to have food I love to enjoy it. It is not ok for me to use it as a crutch to feel better in the instant and then beat myself up over it later.

Anyhoo, enough of that! Have a fantastic day!

I rock!

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 11:39

I rock!

I am here to report I have had pie in my house for over 14 hours and have not eaten any of it. Of course, my mother would KILL me for bring a pie that had been sliced into, but I will still take it as a win. I was never opposed to replacing the original pie I intended to bring (and ate by myself) with a new pie I bought on my way to her house!

Did I ever tell you all about the year I had to replace the candy in my husband's Easter basket five times because I kept eating it?! I know now to buy the stuff the night before!

Anyhoo..

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And to those that don't celebrate this holiday, just Happy Day!

Boo Yah!

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 13:00

Boo Yah!

WI

I went to weigh in this morning and I WAS DOWN 3.4 FREAKING POUNDS!! Now, I have lots of qualifiers I could put on that, but I am not going to. I am just going to enjoy it. I have been struggling at this for a while now and I just want to enjoy that, today on the f*&^%$# Jenny Craig scale, which has been the bane of my existence, I was down to my lowest weight since starting this journey!!

BOO-FREAKING-YAH!!!

Help

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 18:02

Help

I feel like I am on the verge of a full blown binge/relapse. For the past week (and I am REALLY hoping it is TOM issues because it could be) I have been feeling like I just want to drown myself in food. Comfort food like cookies, pie, starches, fats, etc. Not just overeat on healthy stuff like I had been doing a while ago, but full blown binge status and eat whatever I want when I want it..

The weather is changing, work and school are stressing me out, my knee hurts and I can't run, all of these things make me want to eat and eat until my stomach explodes like an overfed goldfish!

Right now the thought of not overeating is making me want to overeat more. I need to be held accountable for my eating. I am getting stressed about the upcoming holidays and feeling deprived at parties and meals. I haven't felt deprived all along this journey but all of a sudden I am freaking out about not being able to stuff myself until the point of pain. Does that make any sense?

How can I want to hurt myself that way? I know I will feel sick and bad about myself afterwards, but I feel almost panicked about not be "able to." I don't know if this makes any sense, but I had to get it out there.

I didn't even post a weightloss goal for my 7 goals because I honestly did not think I could do it through the holidays. I have envisioned my graph going up and up and up until I am too embarrassed to come and post here and then next May I end up exactly where I started when I went to JC last May.

So I am going to post my food intake here not as a statement of 'bad" or "good" but just as a factual list. At least then I have to think about how much emotional eating I am doing. I am not sure if this is a good idea or not, but I am seriously worried about my "food mood" right now.

Here is today so far:

Breakfast:
JC French Toast
Coffee

Exercise: 1/4mi walk knee hurting too bad to continue.

Snack:
Grande Nonfat Sugar-free vanilla latte

Lunch:
JC Mac 'n Cheese
1 slice of wheat bread with margarine (not needed just wanted)

Snack:
1 cup non-fat yogurt with 1/4 of organic soy flax flakes in it
1 snack package of dried mango pieces

Dinner:
I am going out to Japanese with my friend from LA. I will update this later

**UPDATE**
1 tamago
cold tofu appetizer
1 Golden Bell Roll (HUGE, fattening, but screamin')

And for Shelley: This tamago. It is egg and really yummy!

I feel HUGE

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 21:19

I feel HUGE

How is it that your weight doesn't change much, but from day to day you can go from one day feeling pretty good about your weight to feeling like a big, fat lardo the next?

One problem may be that the flaxseed supplements aren't taking care of my "issues" as they were before. Anyone have any suggestions?

I think another problem is the lack of exercise. I feel like I am stalled in my weight loss because I am not moving enough.

I imagine this sounds a little weird from someone that ran a marathon a two and a half weeks ago, but I had taken the 2 weeks prior to the marathon off because of my knee and then I didn't do anything for 2 weeks after it because of my knee. Stacey, you can't run get over it.

So I am trying to get back into it.

Exercise so far this week:

Saturday:
ran 1 mile, walked 1 mile and did some strength training.

Tuesday:
30 minutes on Stationary bike (my bike on a trainer on my patio) this morning (at 4 am!)

I am trying to convince myself to go the the gym tonight to do a strength training class, but as you all know I am a monumental wimp about the gym. We will see.

Shelley

I gave away the four Snickers I had stashed in my desk. (Teenagers are better than garbage disposals! ) So I did not eat them, save them , or have to go dumpster diving for them! Win, win, win!

Food

Much better! 100% JC today!

Sleep

I need to keep up with the herbal tea at night and the wind down routine at night before I go to bed. The hard part is I fall asleep fine, I just can't STAY asleep. Again, if anyone has any ideas feel free to let me know!


**UPDATE**

Return of the chicken, I wimped out on the strength training class. I fiddled around until it was too late to get there early. I HATE being late! I am habitually early to things. I didn't want to be the lame new girl that walks in late and doesn't know what to do.

Could be better, could be worse.

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 17:19

Could be better, could be worse.

WI

I was up 0.2 at JC. Whatever. After 12 billion fun size Snickers and NO exercise I don't really have anything to complain about.

Today's Run and the never ending Knee Saga

I ran, it hurt. I stopped running. Bummer

Now is where the old Stacey would get all negative, frustrated and just "pick up her marbles and go home" but , instead I decided to get a full 30 minutes of aerobic exercise and do some strength training. Just because I can't run right now doesn't mean I can't work out. I still need exercise, it just can't be running right now.

My workout this morning (nothing fantastic, but much better than it could have been):

Aerobic: (total w/o warm up 30 minutes)
0.25 mile warm up walk, followed by stretching
1 mile run
1 mile walk

Strength/flexibility: (total about 15 minutes)
4 sets of 10 crunches with 5 sec. break between sets
3 sets of side planks per side (20 sec hold, 5 sec. break between)
3 sets of the bridge pose (30 sec hold, 5 sec. break between)
3 sets of front planks (30 sec hold, 10 sec. break between)
10 minutes various stretches

CAN SOMEONE PULL THIS SNICKERS WRAPPER OFF MY FOREHEAD?

Thank God Halloween is over! I think I am in danger of slipping into a sugar-induced coma. Remember, how I said I needed to get my eating under control? Ummm, that hasn't gone so well. I have stopped the eating out issue, but I don't think eating 12 billion fun sized Snickers really constitutes "under control."

Here is my check in.

Weekly goal progress

1. Drink 80 oz.water per day! Since school started the water consumption is lagging. Too much coffee, not enough water.

DONE! Yay me! (We need to celebrate here, because things are going to get ugly in a second)

2. In bed by 10 pm every night

Not even close. I don't think I was even home by 10 pm this week.

3. Gym on Tuesday morning to try out scary elipitical thing-a-ma-job

Bawk, bawk, bawk! That is my chicken noise. Yep, completely chickened out using the excuse that I was too tired from working long days. Lie. I chickened out.

4. Research the Pilates options

I did this. Probably because it didn't involve actually doing anything. Pilates is expensive! I am going to try a class next week, and we will see how it goes.


Halloween

Fun! I was a penguin for Halloween! The kids loved it. I am such a dork!


WI

I am going to JC tomorrow morning to weigh in. I will report then. I am not expecting anything wonderful.

Knee

I went to the sadist, umm, I mean sports masseuse on Thursday. It hurt like hell! He said he was going to try to really loosen it up. I was hoping by the end of the session it would still be attached.

He told me to try a run this weekend to see how it is doing, so I am going to run on Saturday morning. I will let you know.

That's it for me. I am off to check on you!

Cherub-free day!

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 15:43

Cherub-free day!

I took today off to rest my legs! Unfortunately some poor sub is being tortured as I relax, but they made their bed when they decided to be a high school substitute teacher. They had so many other career choices that offered more daily respect then HS substitute teacher like: telemarketer for timeshares, mime, roadie for Ozzfest, etc. Oh well, I wish him or her luck!

I am skipping weigh in today! I know, not a great idea, but it is what I am doing! I was dreading weigh in and when I was reading GCQMom's blog (I am going to pull a "Tracy" and plagiarize my own comment) I decided I am going to go and weigh in on Monday after the marathon. TOM is here and I haven't been particularly careful with my calories this week, so odds are it won't be an uplifting experience.

After the week I have had I honestly don't think I could handle if I gain this week. I may have to be escorted from JC in handcuffs for assaulting someone. Now, that would make a cool EP News item or You Tube video.

RBR cuffed and dragged from local Jenny Craig Center, the display screen from the electronic scale still clenched between her teeth. Terrified weightloss consultant is quoted as saying "she just went ballistic!"

Yeah, I think I will wait until Monday.

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 22:51

Weigh in and knee update

JC Weigh in

Well at least it was a loss and not a gain, but I only lost 0.4 lb of the 1.4 gain over the last two weeks. I'll take it.

(I bought another one of those cursed S'mores bars again this week. I am sure I will eat it tonight. Damn its chocolat-ey goodness! At least I only bought one this time)

Sleep

Uhh, can anyone tell me what that is?

Knee

It has been pretty bad this week. I have vascilated between quiet resignation and the verge of emotional breakdown. I made an appointment with a Sport Massage Therapist today. I was really nervous about it for a few reasons:

1. I am not the traditional athlete build. I feared being surrounded in the waiting room by hard bodies that just finished their 12th Ironman.

2. I was concerned my cellulite might gross out the massage therapist

3. I knew it would hurt. I am not a huge fan of pain.

4. I didn't want him to tell me not to run.

I just got back and it was pretty good. I feel more optimistic about the run than I have all week.

1. There was no one else there except his one client before me and I doubt she has done 12 Ironmans.

2. He never once gagged or acted as if my cellulite grossed him out.

3. It did hurt, but he was really nice and distracted me by talking and kindly laughing at my jokes when it really hurt.

4. He said that he understood why this was so important and he gave me a bunch of stretches to do and advice about what I need to do to keep it loosened up for Sunday.

I am going to the doctor on Monday to get a note that says I will need additional time to complete the marathon, so I can start with the walkers and run/walkers. This way I get more time to try to complete the marathon and I am not forced to kill some skinny ass race official that tries to pull me off the course at mile 18

The bad thing about the early start is that I CANNOT (meaning I am not allowed to) finish the marathon in under 6hrs 30min. The coaches are not sure if this is really true or something the race officials are saying to discourage people from getting doctor's notes to start early. I don't know, but if I have to walk I run a serious risk of not making it to the 18 mile mark in time. As it is, I am not sure my knee can hold out for 26.2 miles over any amount of time. We shall see.


Flaxseed oil capsules

The capsule is as big as a freaking golf ball, but does it the trick and not in a "Holy Cow! Get outta my way!" manner, but it just works. I have to take it 3 times a day ( I was having some serious issues) I understand you can eat the seeds themselves, but I have no idea how many you have to eat.

If you are having trouble getting your "used" JC food to pass on through, I recommend it. Thank you to Tatumsmom for the idea. I read it on her blog.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Update on the day..

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 00:16

Update on the day..

I decided to delete my previous post, not because it wasn't true, but because I didn't want to look at it every time I log in. Icky! I feel much better. I got some stuff accomplished today, but I rested too. I also got a Gold membership to EP because I wanted to support the site. (And I was sick and tired of the stupid weightloss ads!)

Sleep issues

I took a nap today and yesterday. I think the sleep deprivation is getting to me. Today at the grocery store I bought some "nighttime tea." I am going to try that out. I can't take sleeping pills because of my past so I need to find a non-medicinal answer to this. I think I am getting a little batty from lack of sleep.

I also bought some flaxseed oil. Tatum's mom recommended it for some issues I have been having recently! I will let you know how it works out. (Not really a sleep issue, but I didn't really want to create a 'constipation' category. Yuck!)

Weight

I weighed myself this morning BAN (bare-ass naked) and was 131. I am not going to record it on my tracker, but I do feel much better. I have been weighing myself in the morning lately because too much hinges on my JC weigh in. If I don't lose it is like the week was awful and I don't feel ok again until next weigh in and that is only if I lose. I don't want to stop the weekly weigh in because that can be dangerous. But I am going to keep taking a peek at the scale to see how the week is progressing.

Exercise

I am running 10 miles with my run buddy tomorrow. It will feel good to be back out there again. I will be thinking of B-Kay who is running her first marathon tomorrow in Chicago! Go Lindy! You are a rockstar! Praying for cool weather for you!

Work

Well, my mental vacation day today is going to cost me a little tomorrow. We have grades due on Monday for progress reports and I have lots of grading to do. Plus I have planning, lectures and a test to write for school and for State. So it looks like tomorrow is a work day.

Tracy (You get your own category! )

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I think you have become my new life coach. I hope this doesn't sound too stalker-ish, but I read your blog (Deserve Better). All of it. Yep, from Day 1. You are awesome.
Yikes. That does sound a smidge crazy. Don't worry you don't have to move and change your number or anything. I am feeling much better, really. lol

Anyway here is to a week filled with motivation and good times for everyone!

It is never enough...

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 19:33

It is never enough...

I was driving home from JC today trying to decidewhether or not to post my weigh in. I gained for the second week in a row. I also just finished a mini-binge in response. Let’s review the unhealthy behaviors and choices that have led to my binge and this blog today:

1. I did not eat lunch today because it would have been too close to my weigh in and would affect my weight.

2. My run buddy and I were talking about going to Chevy’s to get some lunch after weigh in, and I joked “if we were down we would go.” She was, I wasn’t. I decided to go to lunch anyway, not because it is an ok thing to do, but because I was pissed that I gained after running a 20 miler this week, running a hard, fast four miles at track practice and eating 100% JC all week (except the day of the 20 miles).

3. Because I was going to lunch in a F--- it attitude, I proceeded to eat 100% of the chicken fajitas I ordered and a whole bunch of chips. I kept eating the chips LONG after I wanted to. I usually do not eat the chips, due to their addictive nature, but today I didn’t care. I ate way beyond comfort.

4. When I got home, I bitched to my husband about the gain and snapped his head off when he asked if I thought I was at a plateau because I was close to goal.

5. After hubby left (fled) to do a job, I proceeded to eat one of the JC candy bars (s’mores, quite tasty actually) that they have this month for Halloween (and STRONGLY considered eating the second one) even though I am in physical discomfort from the amount of food I have eaten in the last hour.

I am 38 years old and in the best shape of my life. I have lost over 20 pounds and I feel better. 130 is a number, just a number. I will get there eventually if I don’t sabotage myself like I always do, and really, if I never get to 130 and stay at 133.2 forever, I really do feel good. So why isn’t that good enough?

I finally broke the 20 pound mark!

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 21:00

I finally broke the 20 pound mark!

JC

It only took me 5 months, over 280 miles run, 98 miles biked, and a little under $2,000 in JC food, but I finally broke the 20 lb. mark!

I had weigh in today and I was down 2.8 pounds!! I have lost a total of 22.4 lbs! I feel pretty good about my weight these days. I don’t feel skinny by any means, and skinny was not my goal. I just didn’t want to be uncomfortable anymore and I wanted to feel healthier and more attractive. I am thinking of revising my goal to 125 to give myself a cushion. I don’t know I will have to think on that one.

I wanted to say thank you to Tracy for the comment on my question about rationalizing bad eating behavior. I 100% agree that this journey isn’t about eating/being perfect. I get caught up in the “perfection” cycle. I will be ultra-vigilant for a period of time and the first time I mess up I will use it as an excuse to completely give up on everything positive that I am doing. It is completely self-defeating and doomed to failure. Thank you for the reality check.

Exercise

My exercise was light this week due to the fact that I THOUGHT I was supposed to have my long run (20 miles) this weekend, but I am lame and cannot read a calendar. My 20 miler is next Saturday, so we are going to run 10 miles tomorrow and I will probably run 3 or 4 on Sunday.

Sleep

I am sleeping better, but not great. I am up to about 3.5- 4 hours a night. Which is probably my norm, but with the training I think I need more.

Stress

Off the charts and I don’t seem to be handling it particularly well. At least I can say I am not eating myself to death over it. However, I am certainly not making any friends at work.

You guys ROCK!

I could not have gotten to where I am physically and emotionally with out the support of you guys. Thank you so much!

Skinny Pants!

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 10:51

Skinny Pants!

Last night I went to a meeting and I wore MY SKINNY PANTS!

I have this pair of black pants from about 7 years ago that I call my skinny pants. They are a size 8 and I bought them after our 1 year anniversary. I had lost a lot of weight because I started getting migraines and I couldn't eat very much for about 2 months. I was not exercising (at taht time of my life I NEVER exercised), taking lots of medication and I felt terrible all the time, so I didn't really get to enjoy my weight being that low. The time period that I could comfortably wear those pants was fleeting, but I hung on to them in vain hopes they would fit again. They never have until last night. I decided to give them a try and they fit (they were actually a little loose) !

Finally, after 245 miles and 18 pounds I have lost a pant size! Actually, it probably more like 2 or 3 pant sizes since I never bought new pants at my highest weight and wore pants that threatened to cut off all circulation to my lower half.

YAY! I thought I would share. For those us that are hip-endowed. It CAN happen! It will be friggin' slow, but it can happen!

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 18:46

Friday weigh in...

I was down 2.4 lbs at weigh in today! I am very excited. This has been a great week. I finished my clear credential classes, my exercising went well, and I lost 2.4 lbs!! I am not sure why, (although I was pretty darn good with my eating this week), but I will take it!

Also, thank you to everyone that has commented on my blog and for all your encouraging comments! Anyone can run. I NEVER thought I would be a runner, but I started really slow! Then very slowly built up miles and now I really enjoy it. Well, not everyday and not every run, but most of the time I really enjoy it.

There are still MANY people that run 2 or 3 times faster than me on the TNT team, but I just keep in mind that I used to do absolutely nothing so running at any speed is better than 0 miles an hour on the couch!

Tomorrow I am doing the Dammit Run (I love that name!) This is the 5 miles run that goes up the face of a dam. My Dad and I are doing it together. Unfortunately, I JUST found out that the run includes another nasty hill that I didn’t know about. I remember one well meaning friend about 14 years ago attempted to drag my sorry, two pack a day smoking, fat arse up that same trail and I thought I would DIE! I turned around after about 50 yards. It will be kind of cool to conquer it tomorrow and with it conquer a little bit of my unhealthy past. Wish me luck!