"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Friday, October 5, 2007

It is never enough...

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 19:33
It is never enough...

I was driving home from JC today trying to decidewhether or not to post my weigh in. I gained for the second week in a row. I also just finished a mini-binge in response. Let’s review the unhealthy behaviors and choices that have led to my binge and this blog today:

1. I did not eat lunch today because it would have been too close to my weigh in and would affect my weight.

2. My run buddy and I were talking about going to Chevy’s to get some lunch after weigh in, and I joked “if we were down we would go.” She was, I wasn’t. I decided to go to lunch anyway, not because it is an ok thing to do, but because I was pissed that I gained after running a 20 miler this week, running a hard, fast four miles at track practice and eating 100% JC all week (except the day of the 20 miles).

3. Because I was going to lunch in a F--- it attitude, I proceeded to eat 100% of the chicken fajitas I ordered and a whole bunch of chips. I kept eating the chips LONG after I wanted to. I usually do not eat the chips, due to their addictive nature, but today I didn’t care. I ate way beyond comfort.

4. When I got home, I bitched to my husband about the gain and snapped his head off when he asked if I thought I was at a plateau because I was close to goal.

5. After hubby left (fled) to do a job, I proceeded to eat one of the JC candy bars (s’mores, quite tasty actually) that they have this month for Halloween (and STRONGLY considered eating the second one) even though I am in physical discomfort from the amount of food I have eaten in the last hour.

I am 38 years old and in the best shape of my life. I have lost over 20 pounds and I feel better. 130 is a number, just a number. I will get there eventually if I don’t sabotage myself like I always do, and really, if I never get to 130 and stay at 133.2 forever, I really do feel good. So why isn’t that good enough?

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