*the crowd goes wild*
This was my fourth nomination in 11 years of teaching.
I have never won.
Yep, I am the Susan Lucci of my school's 'Teacher of Year' Award.
Susan Lucci played Erica Kane on All My Children for 41 years. She was nominated for an Emmy 18 times before she finally won in 1999. She started on the show at 24 years old. I had to check my math on that, like, three times. Holy Shit! I certainly hope she had cosmetic surgery to look this fucking good at 65. If not, we know who you will find perched next to Satan ruling Hades.
I will be honest two of those times there were such more deserving teachers that even I voted for the winners (Ok, if I am REALLY honest the guy that won this year really deserved it, but you know what? I voted for my fucking self anyway. Sue me), but one of those years I lost to a complete ass wipe and that one still stings.
That particular Teacher of the Year is now a low level administrator at my school. All of his gratuitous ass kissing garnered him the worst gig in administration. Even I can make his life miserable and I have about as much juice in the educational hierarchy as the dude that repaints the panther logo on the front of the school during the summer. So, at least I can bitterly cling to that. *smirk*
The real reason I want to win is that they give you a "crystal" apple that is engraved with 'Teacher of the Year' and your name. It sits on your desk, quietly and unobtrusively telling all that see it that you rock and they can just suck it. It is like a marathon t-shirt that you can 'wear' on your desk everyday.
Sorry if that offends you. If you were thinking that I was not shallow or vain you have not been reading this blog very carefully.
It probably cost $20 and is mass produced in some third world country by enslaved children, but I do not care. I want one, damn it.
Random musings in lieu of any real news:
1. I am considering doing a nutritional "detox" to clear out the remnants of 2010 (IMHO, it is a lot of voo doo BS with a small dose of science thrown in, but at least the one I am considering won't hurt me. Carefully check out any of these 'cleansing' products or programs. Anything that makes you shit neon green 15 times a day for 10 days is NOT good for you no matter what the Barbie doll on the infomercial says)
I also want to cut back on the overly processed so called "white" carbohydrates that I adore so much and that make up at least 90% of my diet.
I am a carbivore of the highest order. Supposedly cutting the amount of carbohydrates (esp. highly processed carbohydrates, like say Hostess pies and Lorna Doone cookies...) in your diet helps regulate blood sugar, fat accumulation (nerdy literature link on fat cell maturation), and level out moods (More nerdy links 1. CHOs and brain chemistry 2. CHOs and depression (specifically SAD) .
At this point, I am willing to bite the head off a fucking chicken if it will help me shake even some of the batshit crazy off of me and, hell, if I can shave a few pounds off the ol' derriere in the process, win/win.
2. I am sick to fucking death of the Pseudoephedrine Law. (Pseudoephedrine (PSE) is the only nasal decongestant, short of mainlining epinephrine, that works worth a a shit. It is an essential ingredient (in my opinion) in cold and allergy medicine.) This law was tacked on to the Let's take away all civil liberties under the guise of "protecting freedom" Act (also known as the Patriot Act). It's goal was to fight the war on methamphetamine production (PSE can relatively easliy be converted into methamphetamine. I say 'relatively' because it takes some pretty serious chemicals and heat to accomplish this and you can be assured that anytime you hear an explosion in a trailer park it is some meth freak vaporizing himself and his miserable existence off the planet. To wit I say. "good fucking riddance")
Anyhoo.... this law limits the purchase of PSE to the equivalent of ten 24 hr pills per day and up to thirty 24 hr pills for a month AND makes it so you must go to the pharmacy counter to get it. This means that I have to return to the pharmacy every 10 days, stand behind 754 old people (I am sorry, that was not very PC, I mean 'youth challenged' people) that are complaining to the pharmacist about the price of hemorrhoid cream to get some goddamn decongestant.
I am the reigning Snot Queen. I often need more than one 24 hour pill to continue breathing all day. I can currently buy Vicodin, Oxycontin, and Viagra without a prescription easier than I can get 'over-the-fucking-counter' allergy medicine.
The meth dealers, by the way, are still churning out meth as fast as they make toothless zombies of their clientele. They just have to be sneakier about it and that raises the price of meth. I am sure that won't effect crime rates at all. When drug addicts need money for drugs they always find legal ways to do it, right?
I wonder how effective meth is for congestion? I bet I can get a month supply of that in one purchase. Fucking assholes.
Lola Update - Trail Dog Project: Day 1
Ok, so maybe my prissy, little chihuahua mix is not the most logical choice for a trail dog. On Sunday we attempted our first trail "run." Run is a bit of an over statement, and from her first tentative steps off the sidewalk onto the uneven trail, her face looked like this:
"For the love of all that is holy, please pick me up!" -Lola
Her new campaign slogan for Couch Dog of the Year: Lola! Shorter than grass!
Then she would occasionally stop dead in her tracks in an attempt to make it all end. Unfortunately my tiny canine friend did not pay attention in physics class, because her 5 lb ass was no match for my *mumble mumble* pound ass.My velocity may not have been for shit, but my mass more than made up for it. This caused her furry little body to skip along behind me, her ears pinned back in a petulant pout. On a downhill section I even got a little 'yip' as she was jerked back into motion by her harness.
Momentum = mass • velocity
Rough day for Lola.
"Can we go home now? My stories are on." - Lola
Some pictures from the family outing to the beach
"Sand smells. Pick me up now." -Lola
"Still hate her. In case you were wondering." - Lucy
One last bit of non-news
We had some issues with the hair. This is the new me for a while at least.
The blond streak is natural from a scar on my scalp. It does not take color well and we were trying to just cover up some really fucked up issues and protect it from further damage. I was not intentionally going for the Lilly Munster look. Upside, I have finally stopped gasping in horror when I see myself in the mirror and I have not cried about it since, well, yesterday.