Help

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 18:02

Help

I feel like I am on the verge of a full blown binge/relapse. For the past week (and I am REALLY hoping it is TOM issues because it could be) I have been feeling like I just want to drown myself in food. Comfort food like cookies, pie, starches, fats, etc. Not just overeat on healthy stuff like I had been doing a while ago, but full blown binge status and eat whatever I want when I want it..

The weather is changing, work and school are stressing me out, my knee hurts and I can't run, all of these things make me want to eat and eat until my stomach explodes like an overfed goldfish!

Right now the thought of not overeating is making me want to overeat more. I need to be held accountable for my eating. I am getting stressed about the upcoming holidays and feeling deprived at parties and meals. I haven't felt deprived all along this journey but all of a sudden I am freaking out about not being able to stuff myself until the point of pain. Does that make any sense?

How can I want to hurt myself that way? I know I will feel sick and bad about myself afterwards, but I feel almost panicked about not be "able to." I don't know if this makes any sense, but I had to get it out there.

I didn't even post a weightloss goal for my 7 goals because I honestly did not think I could do it through the holidays. I have envisioned my graph going up and up and up until I am too embarrassed to come and post here and then next May I end up exactly where I started when I went to JC last May.

So I am going to post my food intake here not as a statement of 'bad" or "good" but just as a factual list. At least then I have to think about how much emotional eating I am doing. I am not sure if this is a good idea or not, but I am seriously worried about my "food mood" right now.

Here is today so far:

Breakfast:
JC French Toast
Coffee

Exercise: 1/4mi walk knee hurting too bad to continue.

Snack:
Grande Nonfat Sugar-free vanilla latte

Lunch:
JC Mac 'n Cheese
1 slice of wheat bread with margarine (not needed just wanted)

Snack:
1 cup non-fat yogurt with 1/4 of organic soy flax flakes in it
1 snack package of dried mango pieces

Dinner:
I am going out to Japanese with my friend from LA. I will update this later

**UPDATE**
1 tamago
cold tofu appetizer
1 Golden Bell Roll (HUGE, fattening, but screamin')

And for Shelley: This tamago. It is egg and really yummy!

Crap-a-palooza 2008

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 23:31

Crap-a-palooza 2008

WI

Honestly, did I think I could eat almost an entire bag of Halloween candy, not exercise a lick, and only gain the measly 0.2 lb that I gained last weigh in? I think I am a little too pragmatic to believe that, but I was still a little shocked to see that I had gained another 2.6 lbs.

I must admit that I was seriously tempted to record 134.2 so that I could hang on to the 20 pound mark (read "seriously tempted" as I did it, then felt bad about being a big, fat liar and went back and edited it)

What stopped me was the thought that I could post that I weigh 125 and my graph would look fantastic, but I would look and feel like a 134.8 pounder. Is this about looking good on the internet or feeling good in real life? I say it is about feeling good in the skin I have whether it be at 150, 135,or 130.

So there it is.

Knee

I went to the massage therapist. This is getting seriously expensive. I am not entirely convinced that the knee feels any better, so I am not going to go next week.

I am going to try to run tomorrow, but I think it will be like last week. At least I will get out there a little. The coach says to keep trying but not to run through the pain. The more inflamed it gets the longer it will take to heal.

I am struggling with my doctor to get a referral to a Sports Medicine Specialist. I have gotten three referrals from my doctor's office. So far I have been referred to a doctor that only sees appointments Monday-Thursday 8am-12pm (nice schedule doc!) , a Gastroenterologist (???) ,and then I was referred to the same M-TH 8-12 guy a second time! Arghhh!

7 Goals in 7 Weeks!

(Finally! As Ms. Shelley has pointed out, I only have 6 weeks to Xmas, so I will make mine until New Years )

1. Exercise 5 days a week. (At least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise 5 times a week and strength training 2 times a week)

2. Drink at least 80 oz. of water a day.

3. Tell my husband that I love him and give him a kiss everyday (Horrifyingly embarrassing that I have to list this as a goal but I get pretty distracted (read: self-involved) with my schedule

4. Play time with the cats every weekend.

5. At least two servings of fresh vegetables per day.

6. NO MORE CANDY!! (It is like crack! A couple of fun size Snickers and I am ready to sell my brother for chocolate)

7. Only one night review for AP Biology per week, so that I am home before 9 pm at least one night per week.

Good end to a Craptastic Day

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 00:44

Good end to a Craptastic Day

My day sucked. That is all I want to say about it, it just sucked. I was not a victim in its craptasticness, I was an active participant, so don't pity me.

Moving on.

I ended my day much better than the first 12 hours.

1. Tonight I went to the gym. I was not drug by wild horses, I went of my own free will. I was uncomfortable, scared and more than a little intimidated, but I manned up and went.

2. At the gym I used the scary elliptical thing-a-ma-job for 35 minutes. I did it all at a level 4. I had to ask the self-involved gym employee to help me with it. That rocked. I guess I should have brought my Double D's with me so I could get a halfway interested attitude from him, but whatever!

3. After my 35 minutes on the elliptical I went to the strength training class that I wussed out of on Tuesday. There were only four students counting me and the lady was really nice. I got my ass handed to me, but it was all in all a good experience.

So the day was... well, it just was, but it ended on a high note.

I ate my JC today with an added (read: extra, not on plan) trip to sushi for a California roll and Tamago.


7 goals in 7 weeks to come. I don't think today is a good day to make a positive goal list.

Still thinking

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 01:16

Still have to think on that 7 goals thing

I am beat but I wanted to do a quick post because I worked out tonight despite being bone-ass tired. So I am pretty proud of myself.

I rode the boring-as-hell stationary bike for 30 minutes (I rode at a HR b/t 150-165 the entire time). I was also 100% JC today. Yay me!

7 goals in 7 weeks coming soon! I will be up to the challenge! Fantastic idea TatumsMom!

Peace out peeps!

I feel HUGE

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 21:19

I feel HUGE

How is it that your weight doesn't change much, but from day to day you can go from one day feeling pretty good about your weight to feeling like a big, fat lardo the next?

One problem may be that the flaxseed supplements aren't taking care of my "issues" as they were before. Anyone have any suggestions?

I think another problem is the lack of exercise. I feel like I am stalled in my weight loss because I am not moving enough.

I imagine this sounds a little weird from someone that ran a marathon a two and a half weeks ago, but I had taken the 2 weeks prior to the marathon off because of my knee and then I didn't do anything for 2 weeks after it because of my knee. Stacey, you can't run get over it.

So I am trying to get back into it.

Exercise so far this week:

Saturday:
ran 1 mile, walked 1 mile and did some strength training.

Tuesday:
30 minutes on Stationary bike (my bike on a trainer on my patio) this morning (at 4 am!)

I am trying to convince myself to go the the gym tonight to do a strength training class, but as you all know I am a monumental wimp about the gym. We will see.

Shelley

I gave away the four Snickers I had stashed in my desk. (Teenagers are better than garbage disposals! ) So I did not eat them, save them , or have to go dumpster diving for them! Win, win, win!

Food

Much better! 100% JC today!

Sleep

I need to keep up with the herbal tea at night and the wind down routine at night before I go to bed. The hard part is I fall asleep fine, I just can't STAY asleep. Again, if anyone has any ideas feel free to let me know!


**UPDATE**

Return of the chicken, I wimped out on the strength training class. I fiddled around until it was too late to get there early. I HATE being late! I am habitually early to things. I didn't want to be the lame new girl that walks in late and doesn't know what to do.

Could be better, could be worse.

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 17:19

Could be better, could be worse.

WI

I was up 0.2 at JC. Whatever. After 12 billion fun size Snickers and NO exercise I don't really have anything to complain about.

Today's Run and the never ending Knee Saga

I ran, it hurt. I stopped running. Bummer

Now is where the old Stacey would get all negative, frustrated and just "pick up her marbles and go home" but , instead I decided to get a full 30 minutes of aerobic exercise and do some strength training. Just because I can't run right now doesn't mean I can't work out. I still need exercise, it just can't be running right now.

My workout this morning (nothing fantastic, but much better than it could have been):

Aerobic: (total w/o warm up 30 minutes)
0.25 mile warm up walk, followed by stretching
1 mile run
1 mile walk

Strength/flexibility: (total about 15 minutes)
4 sets of 10 crunches with 5 sec. break between sets
3 sets of side planks per side (20 sec hold, 5 sec. break between)
3 sets of the bridge pose (30 sec hold, 5 sec. break between)
3 sets of front planks (30 sec hold, 10 sec. break between)
10 minutes various stretches

CAN SOMEONE PULL THIS SNICKERS WRAPPER OFF MY FOREHEAD?

Thank God Halloween is over! I think I am in danger of slipping into a sugar-induced coma. Remember, how I said I needed to get my eating under control? Ummm, that hasn't gone so well. I have stopped the eating out issue, but I don't think eating 12 billion fun sized Snickers really constitutes "under control."

Here is my check in.

Weekly goal progress

1. Drink 80 oz.water per day! Since school started the water consumption is lagging. Too much coffee, not enough water.

DONE! Yay me! (We need to celebrate here, because things are going to get ugly in a second)

2. In bed by 10 pm every night

Not even close. I don't think I was even home by 10 pm this week.

3. Gym on Tuesday morning to try out scary elipitical thing-a-ma-job

Bawk, bawk, bawk! That is my chicken noise. Yep, completely chickened out using the excuse that I was too tired from working long days. Lie. I chickened out.

4. Research the Pilates options

I did this. Probably because it didn't involve actually doing anything. Pilates is expensive! I am going to try a class next week, and we will see how it goes.


Halloween

Fun! I was a penguin for Halloween! The kids loved it. I am such a dork!


WI

I am going to JC tomorrow morning to weigh in. I will report then. I am not expecting anything wonderful.

Knee

I went to the sadist, umm, I mean sports masseuse on Thursday. It hurt like hell! He said he was going to try to really loosen it up. I was hoping by the end of the session it would still be attached.

He told me to try a run this weekend to see how it is doing, so I am going to run on Saturday morning. I will let you know.

That's it for me. I am off to check on you!