"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Yes, this makes me a b*tch

Most of you know that I have an amazing best friend that we call LA Run buddy. She is actually "Formerly from LA Run buddy" as she has moved back to the land of sane people in Northern California, but her moniker was already too long and people know it, so we are sticking with that.


LA Run buddy is amazing. She is beautiful, smart, funny as hell, and everyone LOVES her instantly.

The bride -Claudia fucking Schiffer, and her elven friend.

So, where is the "this makes me a bitch" part, you ask?

I HATE that she is:

1. prettier than me

2. funnier than me

3. people like her more than they like me (even people that would NEVER admit it and, really, for their health and safety shouldn't.)

4. runs faster than me

5. bikes faster than me

6. swims faster than me (ok, a little petty to hate that, since EVERY able bodied person in the free world, and one guy with one arm [beat me at Pac Grove. Twice], swims faster than me.)

7. looks better in bike shorts than me

8. looks better in EVERYTHING than me

9. is all around one of those girls that is shown in movies walking around with a pack of other perfect girls, in slow motion, with their hair blowing in a breeze that no one else is effected by, as everyone stares mouth agape.

10. is COMPLETELY selfless and giving and does not have ONE mean bone in her perfect little fucking body.


This has been true since I met her and even though EVERY gene on my two little X chromosomes screams that I should hate her and say nasty shit behind her back to boost my own subterranean self esteem, since that is how we girls roll, ....

I don't

because she is so damn lovable.


This week at Weight Watchers (I went there to lose the 375,000 pounds I gained training for Ironman. And, yes, I do believe that is the ultimate "Fuck you" from your metabolism, in case you were wondering) I got another reminder of how improbable this friendship is.

We go to weigh in after our run (the clothes are lighter, and maybe, just maybe, I lost water weight in sweat) I knew this was the "week before" weigh in and it was going to suck. The girls know what I am talking about. It is the week before your period when you bloat up like a dead porpoise carcass in July and gain inexplicable amounts of weight over fucking night. That is of course, unless you are a already a skinny bitch, then I don't know what happens to you. Do you get lighter? Do angels fly out of your butt? Seems like everything else goes your way, why not that? (ooohh, so bitter, RBR, so bitter...)

ANYWAY, RBR, back to the story

LA Run Buddy is a lifetime member because she hit goal over a year ago and goes to maintain (yes, people actually exist that are not constantly either losing or gaining weight. They just stay the same weight. Crazy. I know. I thought that was urban legend too) So as I am having the kind lady at WW give me the "Oh, dear God you gained 3 FUCKING pounds in a week. What happened? Did you eat New Zealand" look, LA Run Buddy's weigh in girl was giving her paper work to work at the center and be a meeting leader since she was "such an inspiration and had great energy. "


I, seriously, need less hot friends.

TRAINING (Oh, yes I actually have training to report)

I have started a 4 day a week plan to get me back moving and in the habit without making me crazy. I had a great talk with my coach that was super inspirational and frankly really good for my self esteem. So I am feeling much better about all of this. Including IMCdA, which I think I took relatively well, but was certainly a blow.

I have been feeling really strong out there on my 4 and 5 mile runs (le sigh) and 20 mile bike rides, but at least I am doing more than once or twice a week.


I am staying conservative at this point, but you know me, once this gets rolling I am certain there will be more.

Here are three races that WILL happen in 2010.

Big Sur Marathon April 25th, 2010

Auburn Half Iron Triathlon May 23, 2010

Vineman Full Iron Distance July 31, 2010 (It is ON bitches!)


Aka Alice said...

Yay! The Bitch is back! I was just thinking about you this morning.

5 mile runs and 20 mile rides are just fine. No shame in that AT ALL. It's more than the vast majority of people do. Sometimes I think we just THINK it's everyone. Maybe it comes from living in CA, where there are lots of active peeps, or maybe it comes from just hanging out with perfect peeps. One time I went to Mississippi.

I've never felt so svelt in my LIFE.

Maybe we should move to Mississippi?

Jo Lynn said...

I'm so happy to see you are moving around again. And you have plans? Yippee!
And you have blogged twice in a reasonably amount of time. Interesting.......
Can we ride together? I think we should! I'm still in the learning phase of cycling though, so you'd have to take it easy on me.
Sadly, I don't think I can run five miles right now because of my arthritic knee.

IronSnoopy said...

Ok so based on that photo, I hate both of you.

Yay, RBR is back! Nothing wrong with 4-5 mile runs/20 mile bikes right now. Make nice with your body these days.

Howling on the WW experience. I'm trying to drop the Ironman fat too. WTF?

Generation X (Slomohusky) said...

RBR, the funniest blogger out there. Especially, when you consider yourself the ugly one? Your friend is quite lovely and fabulous looking bride, but calling yourself ugly incomparison - nah. I don't think so.

Great to have ya back. Keep us up on all the training.

Jason said...

Actually I'll give it to you on looks in the photo. Her teeth are throwing me off. You're the prettier one in that picture.

Lindsay said...

i missed you!! glad you have pinned down some races so i can my occasional dose of rbr crack.

i feel the love for your friend. i don't get why i can't just be perfect in every way too, not fair.

Carly said...

Dayum! I should know better than to be sipping my coffee while reading your blog.

First your explanation of the WeWa weigh in made me pee my pants. That is how I feel every week (I have been going for a year and I am still the same weight). The overachiever that sits next to me and that loses every week needs the smugness smacked off her shrinking little face.

LMAO at you calling yourself the "ugly" friend. Ummmm No....ya both are bitches for being so damn pretty.

Missy said...

Bring it BITCH! Nice looking schedule out there. I like it!

I hate those friends, you want to hate them, you should hate them but you just can't. Punch her for me!

HelenC said...

I have missed my fix of RBR! Funny funny funny! Great that you are back training I look forward to reading more about it.

Alisa said...

So glad you're back!

I'm hoping I get to meet you on July 31, I'll be there doing Barb's race.

All my friends are prettier, skinnier and faster than me too...sometimes it really sucks! But I can't hate them b/c they're awesome. I agree with Alice let's take a vacation in a less active place to feel better about ourselves. Haha!

Lindy said...

Ah, there's that mojo!

Willie said...

I can totally be your less hot friend! I was made for that roll.

Didn't she marry a comedian too? Oh sorry, that's kinda cool too isn't it? SHE SUCKS ASS!

Regina said...

Angels fly out your ass?! Fucking hilarious! Sitting in this room alone listening to freaking "Holiday Traditions" station on XM and it isn't even effing Thanksgiving and laughing my ass off.

I need a dose of byotch!

btw, do I really need to tell you how good you look in that photo? Yeah, I didn't think so.

The Original MAJ said...

Just about peed myself laughing! I love you. It's been too long since I stopped by!

Anonymous said...

First off...you are funny as bloody hell!!! What a great way to lighten up my fairly crazy monday AM. Secondly...good race schedule for next year....it IS on...go get it!

K said...

See you at Auburn half!

Calyx Meredith said...

You and LA Run Buddy both look GORGEOUS. So glad she moved back again. Woo hoo for your race schedule - so exciting.

tri_al said...

ahahaha i'm laughing too much to type anything credible. love the blog. it's on the list

Aron said...

um HELLO you look BEAUTIFUL in that pic - seriously, i am not just saying that. and i think you are pretty freaking awesome and nice yourself :)

i am considering big sur this year :) i hear its amazingggg and after seeing your race report from last year i just might have to do it!

ps you could swim faster than me i promise you.

Carolina John said...

hey bitch! You want some less attractive friends you need to head to the deep south. geez, i've been slamming on the south today. I mean new jersey. go to new jersey for ugly people. 'cause we rock out here.

i'm so glad you've actually got some motivation and a schedule. i'm still working on next year's race plans, but already starting to train.

get out there and run!

SteveQ said...

I hate loveable people. Anyone faster than me - cheater. Anyone better looking than me - vain. Anyone bitchier than me - you.

Anonymous said...

I just stumbled onto your blog...love it! The next time I'm out running and feel myself wanting to stop and walk, I know I'm gonna see an image of a kid holding up a RBR sign. Looking forward to reading more.

Lily on the Road said...

Ha! She's back!! Right ON! Thanks for the great laughs and BTW, you are gorgeous just like your friend....

Jane said...

Seriously, you need to quit putting yourself down. People LIKE you. I don't know why; maybe because you are so honest and angels don't fly out of your ass and you capture that "I fucking hate going to WW meetings" ethos so perfectly. So give yourself a break before I beat you up and you need a nose job.

Ali said...

I love that list ... I was laughing.

Hey she probably has a similar list about you being more perfect.