In my blog header I say this blog is about my journey to marathon madness (check), triathlon triumph (debatable, but if you adjust your definition of triumph, we are all good), and a little less junk in the trunk (umm... epic fail)
Today's blog post is about just that, my epic failure at losing or even maintaining my weight, my legendarily unhealthy relationship with food, and, yet another, plan to try to deal with it.
Sorry. You can click away now if you want. I understand. I am sick of it too.
And so it goes...
I seek comfort and relief in food. I celebrate and rejoice in food. I cure boredom and relieve stress with food. Food is my friend and my enemy.
I know I am not unique and this has been a lifelong problem for me, but I am tired of going on "diets" and trying "eating programs". I am tired of thinking constantly about what I am eating, what I am going to eat, and what other people will think of what I eat. I am tired of obsessing about how much I weigh and how my clothes fit and look on me.
I am over it.
This has been a while in coming, but I am at the point (once a-fucking-gain) where I am severely limited in what clothes I can wear. I am uncomfortable all the time. My weight is the foremost thought in my mind. ALL. THE. TIME. It is effecting my relationship, as it is hard to be romantic when you feel like a disgusting pig.
Here is the quick and dirty version of my battle this time: In the last year I have gained almost 20 pounds. And the vast majority of that has been in the last 4 months.
"Wait," you may wonder, "weren't you Ironman training for the last year? How is that even possible?"
Obviously, you have grossly underestimated my ability to consume obscene quantities of calorie rich, nutrient poor, foods.
Let's do some math, shall we?
In the last 15 months I have:
Run: 1,015.5 miles
Biked: 2,839 miles
Swam: 60.95 miles
Ok, I just posted that to make me feel better. :o) This is a rough post to write.
Here is the real math...
Total calories burned from workouts: 172,107 calories (According to buckeyeoutdoors.com)
Add Basal Metabolic Calories for my size and (ever growing) weight during that time period: 1415 X 455 days = 643, 825 calories
Add number of calories over BMR that you must consume to gain 20 pounds: 3500 calories/pound X 20 pounds = 70,000 calories
That means in the last 15 months I have consumed 885, 932 calories. The really scary part is that is only an average of 1950 calories per day.
I can eat that many calories as a midday snack without even really trying.
So if I keep working out at pre-ironman intensity and eating like I have been (which I actually suspect is significantly more than 1950 calories/day) I can expect to fucking explode by Christmas.
Quit bitching RBR, what are you going to DO?
I started talking to a nutritionist right before IMCdA, but I didn't want to change anything right before the race (lot of good that did me. I digress...) then immediately after the race I had a mini-meltdown that resulted in 2 weeks of some pretty serious binge eating.
Now I have started following her suggestions and we are working on incorporating these strange green foods into my diet. I think they call them vegetables. I call them garnish. In the past they have typically been responsible for holding up my salad dressing or cheese sauce. I can't remember the last time I ate a zucchini that wasn't breaded, deep fried, and dipped in ranch.
But seriously, I am trying to learn how to eat in a way that will support, and is in accordance with, my new active lifestyle.
That will help with what to eat, but as a binge eater I need help with how much. My idea of portion control is, "Dude, I can have cake. I don't even feel nauseous yet."
For that piece of the equation I have joined Weight Watchers (yes, again), This time I am doing the whole program. Even the stupid, fucking meetings. Whatever. Like I know more than them? I trained for an Ironman and gained 20 pounds, for Christ sake.
Obviously, I could use some help.
16 hours ago