Profound and heartfelt thanks and good news!

I want to start by saying how overwhelmed with gratitude I am for all of you. Your kind, helpful, inspiring comments and emails made me laugh, cry, and feel all around supported and loved during a decidedly tough time.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!


Hubby Update

On Friday we went to the urologist to get my husband's bone scan and CT results: They found nothing else wrong! Nada, nunca, zippo!

Yes, this assclown actually tattooed the symbol for "empty set" on the back of his hairy ass neck. Come on! That is fucking hilarious. Did he ask the tattoo guy for the ultimate I-never-want-to-get-laid tattoo? Or maybe "what tattoo says I am completely devoid of value AND a total nerd?"

NEGATIVE BABY!! NO METASTASIS!

We went over treatment options and, after a lot of research and deep family pow wows, have decided on an aggressive treatment course that will hopefully result in a completely cancer free hubby after 6 months.

Because he does have the ability to be a total asshole, he has said that his dying wish is to see me cross the Vineman Full Iron finish line.

Thanks, babe. No pressure at all.

(This is tongue in cheek. He is NOT dying. I have not given my permission for him to leave and he knows better than to defy me. ;) )

Therefore, I must get my growing-ever-more-substantial derriere in gear and get back to training.

I had a minor surgery myself that required me to take 3 weeks off, but the doctor cleared me to start back up on Thursday this week.



I am not sure it is possible for me to get ready in the time left and I know we have some tough stuff ahead of us, but if my baby wants me to train, train I will. Whatever I am ready for and whatever happens on July 31st is fine by me as long as hubby is there with me taking his trademark embarrassing pictures of my suffering.

First up, Marin Marathon April 25th. Better dust off my pink hat!

RBR: State of the Union

I finally feel like writing an update. This blog has helped me get some of the sad, angry, frustrated, and often silly, shit out of my head and since I seem to have a plethora of that these days I thought what the hell...

So here it goes, as usual too long, but that is apparently my style of writing. Verbose and histrionic.

Before Christmas my husband was tortured by a endodontist that did not realize that when your patient hits the fucking ceiling that might be an indication that the nerve was not numb and maybe you need to listen to him and give him more Novocaine. After the sixth time that he drilled the live nerve, and of the dentist telling him that he had "plenty of anesthetic" and he "needed to relax", he called it quits and left the office.

Now my husband is a big dude. A big, somewhat intimidating, dude. The endodontist is 3 feet tall and weighs approximately 17 pounds. What the hell? A big dude is in my office, tells me I am hurting him, and I am the dentist? I would get a fucking elephant tranquilizer and knock his ass out. But that is just me, I guess.

Hubby in Hawaii a few years ago. He is not trying to look tough, he is waiting for food. Yeah, I try to not let him get too hungry. It is ok, you can think he is hot. I do. *smug grin*

Amazingly, he left without having plastered the offending dentist to the wall. He is WAY better at handling anger than little ol' me.

Obviously he was a little apprehensive about having the tooth worked on after that. Our family dentist recommended conscious sedation (and a new endodontist, obviously) for the next time (There is a point to all of this. I swear. Verbose and histrionic, remember?) to try to make this already long story a little shorter, the new endodontist discovered my husband had mildly high blood pressure and wanted him to be cleared by the doctor before he sedated him.

Now SOMEONE (that someone pictured below)

Nerdiest picture of me ever taken. Believe me, there was stiff competition for this title, but here it is.

has been nagging, said big dude to go to the doctor FOR YEARS. Literally, YEARS! Like 19. So I was super happy that he finally had to go. After the exam, in his routine bloodwork we found that he had a moderately high PSA of 6.8 (prostate specific antigen if you are a man over 40 or love a man over 40 please check out the link. I did not know much about it before all of this)

In short, an increasing or high PSA level is used as an indicator for prostate cancer. I want to stress that he had NO symptoms, no illness whatsoever, and a completely normal DRE (I am certain that he would LOVE that I am discussing this particular test, but he does not read the ol' bloggy so my call. )

Since it was the holidays we had to wait about a month for next step which was ultrasound and biopsy. By then we had convinced ourselves that he could not possibly have cancer. He had no abnormalities at all and felt great. After the biopsy the doctor said the ultrasound images of the prostate were completely normal which was not a guarantee that there was no cancer, but was certainly a good sign. Plus, the 12 samples he took all appeared grossly normal. I left feeling confident that the high PSA was a fluke and related to his bicycle riding. He could not possibly have cancer.

A week later we got the news, aggressive prostate cancer (grade 3 and 4, Gleason score of 7 for those of you that know that stuff) found in all 12 biopsy samples. He needed to have a bone scan and CT scan to look for metastasis and access treatment options. Those tests were scheduled and done in the next 2 days.

I cannot even express the feelings that go through you when you hear news like that.

I have loved this man since I was 21 years old. I have lived with him longer than I lived with my parents.

Truly, indescribable.

Today we are going to get the results of all those tests and discuss treatment options.

The point of all this was to say if that asshole dentist had not tortured my husband we would not have known until he had problems and the cancer would have most assuredly spread.

Maybe I should send him a muffin basket or something. What gift is appropriate to say "Boy, I am sure glad you fucked up! You may have saved my husband's life"?

We are a team and like the last 19 years, we will get through this together.

Life, or something like it

I was talking/emailing with another blogger about the type of life stuff that shows up and makes things like doing a triathlon seem unimportant and possibly even stupid and selfish.

I have some of that type of life stuff going on. For the record, it definitely falls into the "this sucks ass" category, and yes, it is INFINITELY more important than getting my fat, slow, 40 year old ass across a full iron finish line, but I don't really feel like getting specific about it on the ol' blog.


But the question this brings up for me is, does that mean I should stop everything I do that is good for me and eat McDonald's McGriddles for breakfast every morning? (Umm... damn. That was a little too specific which makes it obvious that it is my current reality... *stuffs McDonald's bag under car seat with foot*)



Probably not.

The truth is that in my 40 years, and I suspect everyone's years, there have been plenty of times when my life was not exactly all sunshine, butterflies, and fat puppy bellies (couldn't you just die for fat puppy bellies?!)


And I have learned that I will survive it and that my life in the here and now is all that I have (well, I suppose someday I will not survive it, no one gets out of life alive, but that does not really change my point). Anyhoo, why then should I choose to make myself more miserable or forgo things or experiences that I want while I go through what is just life?

The short answer is, I shouldn't.

All of that cryptic mumbo jumbo is to say, life has thrown me some curves and I am dealing with them the best I can while trying to train for a silly triathlon in July. My priorities will be to myself, my family & friends, my work, and my training for the triathlon. In that order.

Whatever comes of that, will come of that.

I hope it culminates in a healthy, happy family cheering me across the Vineman finish line in the dead of night, but if all I get out of it is a healthy, happy family I am still the big winner and the luckiest girl I know.

Mandatory "Keep 'er honest" training report

Running

Piss poor this week. Some of my current "life issues" make running VERY uncomfortable right now and I have only been good for about 2 mile runs since last Friday. That will hopefully be better soon.

Biking

We did the Cinderella group ride on Saturday that climbed into Alum Rock park and that went well. I did pretty good up the hills in the compact double. I did not fall over, nor did I text obscenities to my husband from the top of the climb, so that has to be a good sign right?

Swimming

You are apparently not allowed to swim within 24 hours of consuming McGriddles. *shrugs* You know me, I am no rule breaker.... so , yeah, no swimming this week.

I know, I know. I will be better.

Training and a little reflection

This weekend was the first training ride of the Cinderella Challenge Training Group put on the the Fremont Freewheelers.

A little info and commentary on the training series

It starts with an informational meeting where they talk about everything from what to expect during the training, to cycling nutrition, to what to wear to be comfortable. It is geared toward beginners, but they work to make it pertinent and interesting to more experienced riders as well which, lets be honest, can be tough to do. I applaud them. Then before the ride, they do a bike rodeo to help you learn about your bike, check for safety and learn some basic skills. The volunteers are patient, fun, and a wealth of knowledge.

Everyone involved in this HUGE undertaking are volunteers. The whole club comes out to support this. For basically, like 6 dollars, you get a year membership to the club, and registration to a new ride they are holding called the Wordly Wanda Tour de Fremont. (I am being facetious, the training series actually costs $75, but still ridiculously cheap for all of the training and advice you get. I do a lot of this shit, bargains are rare in this money pit we call triathlon, so I thought I would mention it.)

Seriously good peeps, in this club. Seriously good peeps.

Saturday long-ish ride

LA Run Buddy is doing it with me this year! Last year I had to do all of this alone. I met some really great people and I am very glad I did it, but I can not tell you how excited and grateful I am that she is helping me train for this iron distance.

The Challenge group is the faster group that does a lot of climbing and we were scheduled for an easy 20 miler with some climbing up what are affectionately called "the animals." (goes up two hills called Boar and Cougar) only one is steep and very short but it was my first steep climb in the compact double.

My initial assessment of the compact double:

My husband is toast * and I am fucked on any climb longer than my hair.

*for you that do not know, he HOUNDED me about switching me from my triple to a compact double, which I emphatically refused, and then bought it for me as a Christmas present.

It does seem to make me a little faster on the flats, which I needed badly, but Crimey! Losing your three lowest gears? You WILL notice that on a climb.

We ended up riding 26 miles (Math is not a strong suit of the Cinderella people. I have learned to get over it) and it was nice.

Sunday Run

LA Run Buddy is back from the frozen tundra known as Minnesota, and we ran 10 easy miles at Baylands.

Not from this Sunday. I had my camera, I did not use it. *shrugs* Hmm.... need to get my picture taking mojo back too it seems.

Her knee was giving her trouble at about 8, which has been her Achilles heel for all runs over 8 miles. I am not sure she is going to be able to do marathon distances with me, but we will work it out. I have route ideas where she can do 1/2 mary distances and we can run most of it together. She will just need to bring her own car or a VERY big book to read while she waits for me. Again, yes, I am very aware of how lucky I am to have a friend like her.

Not from this Sunday's run. This is from a few weeks ago, but she is still just as adorable.

Gorgeous run, a little rain, great friend, lots of adorable waterfowl. It just does not get much better than this.

The many moods of RBR...

How many points do I get for hitting the skinny bitch in leggings and Ugg boots, that is walking against the light at her glacially slow 'cool girl' pace, yet snearing at me, while I am forced to stop traffic to wait for her?

Not the skinny bitch in question. Just some other random skinny bitch.

Just curious.

Amazing how tough she is when I am driving by. She was decidedly less tough when I stopped, parked, and got out to ask what her fucking problem was.

Watch out little girl, Ironman training is ramping up and I am on 22 Weight Watcher points. I want to kill people that I actually like. Beating your skinny ass would be like a present to myself.



Running

Ran 10 miles on Sunday. Sadly this was NOT at the San Joaquin Hospital 10 miler that I said I would do with Punk Rock Tri Guy because I am an asshole and did not register in time.

No excuses. I am an asshole and very sorry.

I did have a great run Sunday at my beloved Baylands. (link to cool pics. Not mine, nor hubby's) It was the first long run I have done alone since July (well shit, it is the first double digit run I have done since Barb's *blushes*). LA Run Buddy was out of town at a wedding (in Minnesota of all places! Who the hell gets married in Minnesota in January? I mean, I know those people are tougher than your average bear, but damn! )

Anyhoo... the run was beautiful and just what I needed for my Sybil-esque mood swings.

Biking

Hubby upgraded my drive train to 10 speed Ultegra components for Xmas (Yes, with a compact double. Dear God, my granny ring is gone! I am SUPER apprehensive about this but he assures me it will make me stronger. If he is wrong guess who gets blamed for this IM failure?) and this week we got them on and I got the try them out.

I am not sure if this is the crankset I have, but is it a compact double

It is taking some getting used to the shifting differences between my old triple and the double. Without boring the snot out of you, basically the front rings have a bigger difference between them, so you can not just go down into your small ring from the lowest gear of your big ring when you need it to be easier without uselessly, yet feverishly, spinning your legs looking like an IDIOT as you struggle to not fall over and shift up madly.


I have yet to actually fall, but I have scarred a few small children in my presence as I these episodes occur. I have to say my husband barking at me that I need to "plan my shifting better" and "anticipate the terrain" is SUPER helpful and VERY appreciated.

Swimming

I am forbidden from saying anything negative about swimming.

I swam.



So it goes... 6 months and 25 days to Vineman. God help everyone that has to deal with me.

Dude, it is 2010?!

When did THAT happen?!

I guess it happened while I was lolling around with my head wedged firmly up my ever expanding ass.

Enough.

Enough wallowing about things that did not go as I had hoped in 2009,

Enough waiting until X, Y, or Z happens to get my shit together (for the record X, Y, and Z is usually X = I have more money, Y = I lose more weight, or Z = I am more caught up at work. These things are like waiting for the fucking toothfairy. He ain't coming, RBR. Get over it!)

and finally

Enough procrastinating on making a decision if Ironman is worth all the expense, hardship, and endless training. Honestly, I don't know if it is, but I am fucking going for it again anyway.

Why?

'Cuz that is how RBR rolls.

She may not have speed, she may not have talent, but she sure as shit has pig headed determination, and does not embarrass easily.

Despite the fact that they have an ugly ass logo that is not easy to steal from the website,
I have officially registered for the full Vineman Triathlon July 31, 2010.

Yes, I have suffered mightily on this course doing Barb's Race in 2008 and 2009, so I thought what the hell? Let's just do that bitch, twice! In a row! Within a 16 hour cut off! (more on the cut off in another post. I am on a roll here, no sense in getting bogged down with piddly details, like I timed out at IMCdA and this iron distance race has a one hour SHORTER cut off.. no worries, sillies!)


IronJane and Formulaic will both be there and that makes me exceedingly happy (BOTH are two time Iron finishers and my official beacons of BAD ASSERY). Plus, I know many of my ladies will be out there battling Barb's Race and that makes me exceedingly happy as well!

Training Update

Running

I have rediscovered my love of running. It is like those old jeans that you put on one day and they were a little tight and gave you that lumpy, frumpy feeling, causing you to pitch them to the back of the closet, vowing to never wear them again. Until one day, when you were out of clean pants and were forced to don them. Upon slipping back into the soft demin, you felt their familiar comfort and decide, "hey, my ass does not look half bad in these!"

Kind of like, that but I am certain I will NEVER say that about my ass in running shorts *sigh*

Coming back from a running hiatus at 40 sucks ass, by the way. But even if my fitness is VERY slowly coming back, I have that happy feeling when I run again and I actually want to run. This is all good news.

Biking

I am faster. (Calm down, fast-ER, not to be confused with fast)

I know, WTF? I take 3 months off, working out once, MAYBE twice, a week and that improved my cycling speed? *shrugs*

Whatever. I will take it.

I have signed up for the Cinderella Challenge Cycling Training again this year. Those ladies helped me so much last year! It starts next week. I am pretty excited.

Swimming

*sigh* I have signed up for pre-masters again. I can not face going back to masters yet.

I am, however, making the following declaration: This is the season of the swim. Therefore, I am not allowed to say the following phrases (until after July 31st):

1. "I hate swimming"

2. "Swimming sucks ass"

3. "I would rather engage in naked jello wrestling with Newt Gingrich, than go swimming."

2010 Race schedule (some changes):

Since I was wallowing this fall I missed out on registering for Big Sur marathon (it is sold out). I am very disappointed, but I am going to do another marathon that same day instead.

April 25, 2010 Marin County Marathon

May 23, 2010 Auburn Half Iron Triathon

July 31, 2010 Vineman Full Iron Triathlon

Dear God, she has a training calendar!

Yep, I just finished entering my workouts for the next 2 weeks into a training calendar for LA Run buddy and I. This is the first time I have done this since back when I actually was training.

We have been running a little and biking a little and swimming...err... not at all. My coach even told me not to worry about it yet. Hey, she is the professional, so I will put the thoughts of endless, fucking humiliating, masters workouts and terrifying open water swims out of my head and go merrily along running and biking.



Sure, the swim knocked me out of CdA, but I am sure it will all be fine.

Hmm...what was that? Oh, a rainbow just flew out of my butt.

Whatever. At least I am training again.