"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Friday, February 19, 2010

RBR: State of the Union

I finally feel like writing an update. This blog has helped me get some of the sad, angry, frustrated, and often silly, shit out of my head and since I seem to have a plethora of that these days I thought what the hell...

So here it goes, as usual too long, but that is apparently my style of writing. Verbose and histrionic.

Before Christmas my husband was tortured by a endodontist that did not realize that when your patient hits the fucking ceiling that might be an indication that the nerve was not numb and maybe you need to listen to him and give him more Novocaine. After the sixth time that he drilled the live nerve, and of the dentist telling him that he had "plenty of anesthetic" and he "needed to relax", he called it quits and left the office.

Now my husband is a big dude. A big, somewhat intimidating, dude. The endodontist is 3 feet tall and weighs approximately 17 pounds. What the hell? A big dude is in my office, tells me I am hurting him, and I am the dentist? I would get a fucking elephant tranquilizer and knock his ass out. But that is just me, I guess.

Hubby in Hawaii a few years ago. He is not trying to look tough, he is waiting for food. Yeah, I try to not let him get too hungry. It is ok, you can think he is hot. I do. *smug grin*

Amazingly, he left without having plastered the offending dentist to the wall. He is WAY better at handling anger than little ol' me.

Obviously he was a little apprehensive about having the tooth worked on after that. Our family dentist recommended conscious sedation (and a new endodontist, obviously) for the next time (There is a point to all of this. I swear. Verbose and histrionic, remember?) to try to make this already long story a little shorter, the new endodontist discovered my husband had mildly high blood pressure and wanted him to be cleared by the doctor before he sedated him.

Now SOMEONE (that someone pictured below)

Nerdiest picture of me ever taken. Believe me, there was stiff competition for this title, but here it is.

has been nagging, said big dude to go to the doctor FOR YEARS. Literally, YEARS! Like 19. So I was super happy that he finally had to go. After the exam, in his routine bloodwork we found that he had a moderately high PSA of 6.8 (prostate specific antigen if you are a man over 40 or love a man over 40 please check out the link. I did not know much about it before all of this)

In short, an increasing or high PSA level is used as an indicator for prostate cancer. I want to stress that he had NO symptoms, no illness whatsoever, and a completely normal DRE (I am certain that he would LOVE that I am discussing this particular test, but he does not read the ol' bloggy so my call. )

Since it was the holidays we had to wait about a month for next step which was ultrasound and biopsy. By then we had convinced ourselves that he could not possibly have cancer. He had no abnormalities at all and felt great. After the biopsy the doctor said the ultrasound images of the prostate were completely normal which was not a guarantee that there was no cancer, but was certainly a good sign. Plus, the 12 samples he took all appeared grossly normal. I left feeling confident that the high PSA was a fluke and related to his bicycle riding. He could not possibly have cancer.

A week later we got the news, aggressive prostate cancer (grade 3 and 4, Gleason score of 7 for those of you that know that stuff) found in all 12 biopsy samples. He needed to have a bone scan and CT scan to look for metastasis and access treatment options. Those tests were scheduled and done in the next 2 days.

I cannot even express the feelings that go through you when you hear news like that.

I have loved this man since I was 21 years old. I have lived with him longer than I lived with my parents.

Truly, indescribable.

Today we are going to get the results of all those tests and discuss treatment options.

The point of all this was to say if that asshole dentist had not tortured my husband we would not have known until he had problems and the cancer would have most assuredly spread.

Maybe I should send him a muffin basket or something. What gift is appropriate to say "Boy, I am sure glad you fucked up! You may have saved my husband's life"?

We are a team and like the last 19 years, we will get through this together.


Generation X (Slomohusky) said...

sorry about this news in your lives. cancer is a sick bastard/beast/pig that should be eliminated from human existence now. lost my sister to it almost a year ago to date. not sure if you are religious or not, but we will have you in our thoughts at least.

MGW said...

You and hot hubby are in my thoughts- wishing you only the best!

Kris said...

So sorry to hear this and wishing you guys the best possible outcome!

Pam @ herbieontherun.com said...

Please know that you will be in my thoughts. Sending cancer-ass-kicking vibes your way!!!

Unknown said...

That just sucks. My father just got diagnosed with prostate cancer 2 weeks ago, so I am trying to figure out how to be helpful living a state away from my very pig-headed father. My best move so far: give him good books to help him not feel so alone and to be able to make informed decisions. I ordered on Amazon a book about prostate cancer survivors and their recommendations, stories, etc. plus a book by a urologist who got prostate cancer and discusses all of the treatment options. Wish I could remember the book titles, but look up prostate cancer on Amazon and you'll find a ton of resources. Sending well wishes - a long time reader who is always inspired by your activities.

Carly said...

I'm keeping you and your husband in my thoughts. I hope things end up working out ok.

SWTrigal said...

Wow-seriously wow. BIG HUGS to you and hubby..

IronSnoopy said...


OHMYGAWD! (my own hysterics)

Well, if that doesn't suck asssss. I'm keeping you both in my thoughts and hope the test results today are promising.

And yes, hot. Very hot.

Oh RBR. ((((snoopyhug)))

Tyger Lily said...

Really sorry to hear about this! Seriously, thank God for what happened in the dentist office! Thoughts and prayers out to you both!

newrunner said...

So sorry to hear about the cancer. I hope everything works out for you both.

Anonymous said...

wow..I am so very sorry to hear about that. I certainly hope teh treatment options are up to snuff. My mother is currently going thru stage IV breast cancer....prayer and an incredible support group really helps you get thru it all.

good luck and god bless

Carly said...

Wow!!! I had to read you post a couple of time. Unbelievable. My jaw is literally on the ground. You and your hubby are in my thoughts and prayers. Kick that Cancer's ass!!!

runtoeat said...

your post has thoroughly touched me. I am hopeful it was cathartic for you to write and am thankful your shared your story. I am gonna bust my hubby's ass and get him for a physical...he is like your hubby and refuses to go. I am also going to pray like heck for you and your hubby!

Bootchez said...

Oh, oh! I wish you and hubby all of the best there is.

And I'm all for the muffin basket. Seriously, that would just be fantastic.

Drs. Cynthia and David said...

So sorry to hear this news. There are things you can do besides or in addition to the conventional chemotherapy approaches. Adding vitamin D is the most obvious approach (cheap and painless). Here are some links.

This lecture discusses how vitamin D prevents and slows down cancer (keeps cells communicating with each other and differentiated into their proper forms)

Dr. Holick discusses vitamin D in general, with its application to cancers starting around 41 minutes into the lecture.

Vitamin D clinical trials.




People are also studying carbohydrate restriction for cancer treatment (cancers are frequently dependent on glucose, insulin and insulin-like growth factors, and keeping blood glucose low is helpful)



So don't despair, there is hope! (And he is hot!)

Best of luck!


Trish said...

Thank god for *&%hole dentists. My thoughts are with you. You have a huge group of people out here in blogland sending good vibes. It's not much, but then again, the mind is a powerful beast.

Missy said...

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Wow, yeah, fuck! That sucks butttt so glad that the first doctor was a douchebag. How is that possible? But yes, if it weren't for him, you'd never know. Yep DRE, hey, good times. A small price to pay.

Best of luck with your treatment options and choices - even if you have to go aggressive, go aggressive.

SteveQ said...

First - that last photo makes up for the geekiness of the other one.

Second - I once decked my dentist when he hit a nerve. He nearly fired the nurse who wanted to high-five me. And they were married.

Third - prostate cancer's so common that there's good hope, though stage 3/4 is really worrisome; I can see why you needed to take a break from the RBR blog.

Fourth - I'm at that age where my prostate's so big, I don't need a digital rectal exam (I prefer analog anyway. It has anal right in the name), they can do a visual inspection.

Fifth - best wishes. Seriously.

Diana said...

The big "C".....that really sucks. I hate that word, I see it so often, however, it CAN be beaten. Deal with the news, get the details, get the game plan figured out, do it and BEAT it!!!
My prayers are with you both for a speedy recovery.

Unknown said...

My father in law had prostate cancer a few years ago. The good news is that its one of the most treatable. the bad news is ... well duh... that it's cancer. cancer SUCKS.

Best wishes for the two of you as you go through this together


Babbs said...

I am anxiously awaiting the blog that describes how your hubs kicked cancer... Stay strong!

IronWaddler said...

The love you guys share will get you through this. I am a radiation therapist and know exactly the options ahead.

Take your time and make the decision that is best for you. Be agressive and take no prisoners.

Big Hugs to you and your(HOT) Hubby.

Krista said...

I'm very sorry to hear this. The Lance Armstrong Foundation has excellent resources for families fighting cancer (www.livestrong.org). Also, CancerCare has great resources including Telephone Education Workshops that you can listen to live or online: http://www.cancercare.org/get_help/tew_faq.php

Good luck!

Dana said...

Just found your blog today...what a downer to walk into. My grandpa was told he had prostate cancer about 12 years before he died of old age (and he never sought any treatment at all-he decided he was too old--he was almost 80 when he died).

I hate that you even have to think about it.

Anonymous said...

WOW hon, sorry to come here to read your usual wit and humor to see the news.

(( HUGS )) and prayers going your and hubby's way.

PunkRockRunner said...

Even when writing about screwed up stuff you have the ability to see silver linings where others may only see clouds.

All our thoughts & prayers are with you and your family.

You know how to reach us if you need anything at all.

Take care,


Irene said...

Sorry about the news, but I hope treatment will help. Your husband is young and mostly healthy,and that is in his favor!

FYI - My dad has prostate cancer, but it is under control with treatment. When my dad was diagnosed the only words he heard was "cancer." He didn't hear the part about treatment. It was stage 4. That was four years ago. My dad isn't the picture of health (he's 81), but he's doing well and continues with life as usual. :)

Best wishes to you both.

Jo Lynn said...

Fuckin' A Man! That really sucks the big one. Too bad he doesn't read the blog, he's getting a lot of support here. I will remember you both in my prayers.
And wow, he IS a hottie. Damn girl! ;)

Wine Dog said...

I'm glad the dentist was an asshat. And I'm glad that the Doctor he went to see actually did his job. A woman who worked for me years ago lost her husband because a Doctor didn't do his job and by the time he did it was too late.

I ride the Livestrong for guys like Mr. RBR. I wish him a speedy and complete recovery. And I cannot recommend the LiveStrong folks more highly for advice in dealing with this.

Lou said...

I am so sorry to hear this. I cannot for a second imagine what you and your husband are going through, but my thoughts are with you. You are strong, RBR and you will get through this! If you need some inspiration/reminders, you should read your blog.

Sheryl said...

I'm so sorry to hear this =( Sending over prayers and positive thoughts to you and your hubby.

Lindsay said...

wtf!? rbr this sucks! like you need me to tell you that though. :-/ i guess we must be thankful for the dentist causing him all that pain and for the doctor who did his/her job correctly so it didn't go overlooked any longer.

big hugs to you!! thinking of you lots.

Lindy said...

sorry to read this. i hope you are doing okay and know that a lot of people care about you in real life and on "the blogosphere" and are praying for both you and your husband right now. take care, do whatever you need to do.

ShirleyPerly said...


So sorry to hear the news but reading the words of others who know more about this cancer than I do, it sounds totally BEATABLE. And I will be there rooting for you both. Smash that MF so you can get on with your beautiful lives and come visit me in Hawaii next time you visit, K?

Christi said...

I am so sorry to hear about your news but I am so glad that you now know. I wish you both the best and I will send very positive thoughts your way!

Regina said...

Oh man. I'm so sorry this is happening. My hubby is 46 and I have been begging him to go to the doctor for a check up (what is it with men and the doctor?). I'm glad his tooth situation at least got your husband there. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Jessica said...

thinking of you and your husband at this time. He is very lucky to have someone as tenacious and smart as you by his side....

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Hey, sister! Teh 87-going-on-88-year-old 'Dad had prostate cancer ... must be going on two decades ago, now. He's the poster boy for overcoming prostate cancer, though. 87 years old and his PSA is lower than mine now! I was a mere stripling of like 36 or so when Teh 'Dad got prostate cancer, so his gift to me was that wonderful thing doctors call "a family history", so I've been getting the old annual one-finger salute up the nether-eye for like an extra 4 years. It wouldn't be so bad except my doctor's nickname is "Knuckles" so you can imagine how bad it is. (Or just shove the business end of a cricket bat up your bum, and you won't need to imagine anything.)

Point is, this thing can be beaten - just look at Teh 'Dad! (I'm starting to think he's unkillable, because he just had DEEP basal cancer removed from his face, and they had to take cartilage from his ear to reconstruct his nose a bit and he's just now nearly healed from it and he's purdier than ever. Not as purdy as you in your tranny running outfit, but purdy. Purdier than me, for instance.)

Point is (back to my seemingly-never-to-be-fully-made point), Teh 'Dad's purdy. No, wait! My REAL point is: Keep your sense of humor, keep the the hub's spirits up and you'll both come through this and your bond to each other will be even stronger.

My thoughts are with you, sister!

P.S. Your hub is purdy, but he's no Teh 'Dad.

Maryland Girl aka Michelle said...

Wow. Sending healing thoughts. Stay positive!

trailturtle said...

WOW...very sorry to hear that news...reminds one to live life fully each day. Will send positive energy so that he can conquer the cancer and you, when it is right, can train and finish Vineman.....and then YOU BOTH CAN CALL YOURSELVES AN "IRONMAN."
Keep the spirit, Ann

SteveQ said...

GLAVEN'S BACK! It's a sign that all will be well again!

Alisa said...

Oh man, sorry to hear this news.

Wishing you both the best.

Anonymous said...

I had just started following your blog...when your last post was obvious that something was wrong. I've been checking back~ hoping that everything was ok. Wow~ nothing could ever prepare you for such news. Nothing! Prayers and positive thoughts are being sent your way.

Kathy said...

I'm so sorry to read this. My Dad has been living with prostate cancer for years now (3? 4?) and his MD no longer goes by PSA but by how testosterone levels increase. So he takes a testosternoe baseline and then checks the level regularly. And adjusts if the level increases. His urologist also says that every man dies with prostate cancer in his body. Not that they die OF it, but WITH it.

I'm keeping you guys in my thoughts. When we lived in the US I regularly did the Cinderellas and Primaveras. :)