"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Recent things that made my heart happy

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the truly amazing things and people in my life. I did absolutely nothing to deserve any of it. As a matter of fact, for a good portion of my life I actively campaigned to ensure that my life would be as miserable as possible, but nonetheless, there are times when I get that 'almost can't breathe' feeling that I recognize as my soul smiling.

I always felt that Charles Schultz captured pure joy in this image. Yeah, yeah, it is corny. Bite me. 

1. The sound of my husband and dog snoring in stereo. It is a safe, content, reassuring sound.  

(Ok, in the interest of proving that this post is not the work of some pollyanna hacking RBR's blog and blowing smoke up your collective asses, this particular "appreciation" is situational. There are times when that sound makes me I want to shove my fingers up his nostrils until he thrashes violently awake, but tonight it is a safe and reassuring sound.)

2. This post.  

Even if you could give two shits about the Phillies, and I certainly fall into that camp, your soul is just a little dead and, really, you may be a fucking sociopath if reading that post does not make you misty eyed and restore your faith in humankind.

3. It is looking more and more like R is going to graduate. He tries to act like he is not proud and it is no big deal, but his little boy smile belies that. I can't talk when he does that. It makes a lump in my throat.

I have never written about R and will only do so in an abstract way now, but he was in my class three years ago and is now a senior. He is one of many of my students that got dealt a crapfest of a hand in life. High school graduation was never assumed for him. It was never viewed as the insignificant stepping stone to college as it was for me and many other people.  He wears the uniform of the apathetic, thug-ish teen, but underneath that scraggly-ass ponytail, oversized black sweatshirt, and absurdly sagging jeans, is a really great human. I am already stocking up on Kleenex. I am going to be a blubbering mess when that kid crosses the stage to Pomp and Circumstance. He will be the first in his family to graduate from high school on time, with a full fledged diploma (not a GED), no children, and no (significant) police record.

4.  The pink rhinoceros/dragon thing that sits on my desk and Eddy bought me at the grocery store that was trying to offload leftover Valentine's Day crap. 

He does not realize that he bought it for me on our 20th anniversary. He just thought it would make me smile. I like having someone that thinks about me like that. I also like the thought of my bad ass, tattooed husband walking through the store carrying a pink rhinoceros/dragon thing.  (In his defense, our 20th anniversary date is a tad arbitrary and was hallmarked 20 years ago by being the day I left the guy I was seeing for Eddy. I viewed men like jobs, you do not live the old one until you have a new one. I know, tacky. Lighten up, Mr/Ms Judgey-pants, I was 21.)

5. Tuesday I had one of those effortless, completely pain-free runs.

It was not far, it was not fast, it was even on the fucking treadmill, but it was a 'I can run like this forever!' run. Glorious. I needed one of those. I call those runs the 'first crack hit' of running. For those of you that do not smoke crack (*eyeroll* Squares!) the first crack hit is the only good one (from what I am told) and it is what keeps addicts chasing the high. After that, you start to suffer holding on to the delusion that if you keep doing it you will feel that way again (and subsequently, you blow your rent money, your kid's college fund, 75% of your brain cells, start bargaining with your dealer about how much he will give you for a kidney.... you know, every hobby has its price)

Ok, enough of that, I am even making myself a little ill.


Christi said...

Another great post!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Trailturtle told me I had to be FIRST!1! on post but she evidently didn't send that memo to Christi, who should have known anyway because I assume her first name is "Jesusi" and she is therefore omniscient.

Anyway - FIRST!1!

(And: Way to f*ck up, Ann aka trailturtle!1!)

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Real comment to follow. Just ahd to be "FIRST!11" first.

Sammie Girl said...

Go R you can do it! YAY!!!!!!
The snoring comment... Ok, I share my bed with two large dogs (no man in my life at this time) but hearing them snore I, oddly, feel very safe! Like you, though, there are times I want to put pillows over their heads (I am not sticking my fingers up their noses) to get them to stop!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

O, Jesusi H. (I assume that's her middle initial) Christi! "on post" = "on THIS post"; and "ahd" = "had" and, while I'm at it, I do NOT know whether Christi's first name is "Jesusi" but the hair seems about right.


Thanks, Stacey. You are a true sweetheart. You are an important thing or person in MY life, too. (See? I can't help but be a dick even when I'm trying to be nice.) But I get that Snoopy Happy Heart feeling sometimes, too, and it makes up for all the bad times, doesn't it? Whenever I'm down, I tell myself another such moment is bound to come along soon enough. Makes it easier to pull through.

The snoring thing ... Hahahahahaha! That's me and MY dog, too! Plus, it reminds me of when I was a kid and Teh 'Dad used to be a real window rattler and my sister Cathy would sneak into his room in the middle of the night and PINCH HIS NOSE to make him stop! I swear, I don't know how he managed not to clock her just on reflex! Lucky b@st@rd always went back to sleep right away.

The story of R neglects, I am sure, to mention one of the protagonists: A teacher I'll call "S" who inspired the boy to reach his full potential. There are many great teachers like S out there, but we're still lucky when we find our own S. (I call the people who have currently made a fetish out of attacking teachers "S-holes" in S's honor because if those people didn't have holes in their souls maybe they'd just be "S".)

Thanks for making my day, Stacey.


@ trailturtle: I copied this comment in case it gets eated by the blog.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

@trailturtle: And, of course, it DIDN'T get eated. Because I remembered to copy it.

trailturtle said...

OMG...you both made MY day.

Stacey...I love this post. It makes me happy to read about your heart being happy.

@G- you added yrs to my life by making me laugh so hard. I'm glad I f*cked up--the whole "Jesusi" thing is genius/hilarious (thanks also go to Christi for her incredible timeliness).

And, Stacey, I totally disagree with your statement: "I did absolutely nothing to deserve any of it." You obviously don't realize the positive impact that you have by JUST BEING YOU. To be "perfect" is to deserve nothing. Nobody's soul shines when he/she tries to be what he/she THINKS is "perfect." Like I said in another post, what the hell is "perfect" anyway??

YOU DESERVE IT. ALL OF IT. I'm gonna keep beating on you until you "get it."

PunkRockRunner said...

Was the treadmill plugged in?



Lindsay said...

i don't think this was the real rbr... there were no curse words? bring back the real rbr!!!

SteveQ said...

I'm just going to click back and forth between this post and Glaven's to screw with his hit counters.

btw, the Lent experiment ended.