Participant Report: Nike Women's Half Marathon - October 19, 2009

Or...

Why runners should NEVER walk a half marathon?


So I it is well known around here that I have been doing diddly shit as far as training goes and had fully expected to forfeit my registration for the Nike Women's Marathon. However, some 1/2 marathon registrations became available and my former run buddy decided to register. I was a little surprised at this since she is, in truth, training less than me and coma patients with conscientious PT therapists are training more than me right now, but I figured "what the hell? We can walk it. How bad can that be?"

13.1 miles is how bad it can be.

13.1 miles of

of watching runners line up and head out for the full marathon you puss-ed out on

of hearing people say, "God, we are so slow we are back here with the walkers!"

of having 20 fucking minutes go by and then finally seeing the next mile marker

of starting in the absolute last wave yet being passed by DROVES of people.

of being passed by droves of happy, peppy people that trained and deserved to be there.

of having the cops move you off to the sidewalks since the course is no longer officially open


Yeah, that is how fucking bad it can be.


I hereby vow that I will never do this again. By this, I mean show up to do an event that I did not train for and have no business being at. Not because I think it cheapens the experience of the event for other runners (fuck that, I am just not that selfless. Did you just meet me?) but because doing the work to get to an event is what makes me me enjoy it regardless how it turns out. Life it too short to spend 4 hours and 45 minutes (yes, a mere 15 minutes slower than my fastest full marathon) doing a fucking, miserable half marathon.

It is marathon season and I do not have a marathon planned. I am a ship with out a rudder. Someone help me.

I figure, if I am going to be overly dramatic, then I should go for it, no?

Scintillating Tales of Inactivity

Alright folks you asked for it! I am here to report

NOTHING

Absolutely

NOTHING

Before vacating the premises the vermin squatter gave me some sort of Flu of Death and I have spent the last 5 days sleeping. Now, before you assume I just was hankering for a little vacay from the cherubs (oh, and we have some LIVE ones this year. Fodder for many posts to come, no doubt) I went 3 of those days sans COFFEE. Yes, that is the Middle English sans (and yes, I had to look up the etymology. Shut up, G), as in WITHOUT. NOT. ONE. DROP.

As if that was not enough to call in the CDC, I also lost 8 pounds

I have found 4 back already lest you think I have gone all Kate Moss on your ass. Shut up. I am aware it would take more than 8 pounds to get our rubenesque RBR to Moss-esque status. Pointing that out is somewhat rude, by the way.

I must say that I am somewhat overwhelmed by the kind comments and encouragement I have received from you all regarding my current mojo-less state. I have said before, but not lately, how grateful I am to this community for inspiring, encouraging, and indulging this non-athlete in her athletic endeavors. You guys rock!

Better call the Orkin man...

During my unofficial and unplanned blog hiatus, I seem to have acquired a squatter and and no doubt the other assorted vermin that go along with such creatures, so I better come back and regulate.

I am incapable of linking to a region on a page (and yes, I tried. Whatever. Stupid html coder) Here is a screen shot of the soon to be eradicated platy-phobe. Really? Who is afraid of a fucking platypus? Maybe that is why he thinks I am a man, since I have a bigger set, and all.

I wouldn't want it giving my platypus fleas. (and no , G, you big pervo, 'platypus' is NOT a euphemism *eye roll* There is, seriously, something wrong with you)

Oh, and in some shocking news I RAN last Sunday!! I actually ran more than 4 miles for the first time in weeks.

I went running with a teacher buddy of mine that is training for her first marathon. She wanted to run 8 so I said, "sure I suffer like no one I know, what the hell."

And, yes I was SLOW, and yes, I suffered but mostly because it was hilly as hell and 90 f-ing degrees. However , it was great to get out somewhere beautiful and just run and chat with an old friend that I do not get to see too often.

Mojo still elusive, but looking more promising