"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Race Report: Barb's Race 1/2 Iron Triathlon- August 1, 2009

Alternative title: A Tale of 3 PR's
(Oh yes, I went all Charles Dickens on your ass. I am feeling JUST that smug)

Official Stats:

Overall: 7:50:31 (Why, yes, that does make an 8 hour cut off if there had been one. Thank you for asking!)

PR: 1 hour and 32 minutes FASTER than last year at Barb's Race 2008, 39 minutes FASTER than Rage Out in the Treeless, F-ing Desert .... um, I mean Rage in the Sage Triathlon April 2009.

PR 1 - Swim 1.2 miles: 51: 56 (3 min FASTER than last year)

I honestly do not know why it was faster. I felt like I spent WAY too much time stopping and fiddle fucking around with my goggles, but, hell, I always say "do not look a PR horse in the mouth."

T1: 6:11 (2 min FASTER than last year)

Three words explain the VAST amount of time I spent here.

Serious. Wardrobe. Malfunction.

Let's just say that the 40-44 year old ladies in my general vicinity got more flashing than college boys at mardi gras. Eventually I got all of my parts covered and perched atop my bike and was off!

PR 2 - Bike 56 miles : 3:35:15 (43 min FASTER than last year)

I have to say I felt good from the very beginning of the bike. I had already decided that my run was probably going to suck no matter what I did on the bike so I may as well go balls out on the bike (Dude, G, it is a figure of speech *eye roll*) and that is what I did.

Elevation profile for Barb's bike course. 28oo' of climb

Upside of being one the of the slowest swimmers is that 1. I can very easily find my bike. It is the last one on the rack and 2. I don't get passed that much because, well, everyone is gone already. It is a little empowering actually. This time I got to pass some people and unlike last year where I was ALONE for almost 100% of the ride I was actually riding with people. I even almost caught LA Run Buddy and she is WAY faster than me and started in the wave 5 minutes before me. All in all a great ride for me.

T2: 6:33 (7 min FASTER than last year)

I came into T2 right behind LA Run Buddy and we stopped to stretch. She is having serious ITB issues and my knees and low back were feeling both the ride and last week's marathon. I had already planned to run (read: shuffle), no matter how slow, for the first mile to the aide station to get my legs back. We headed out together.

I didn't have my camera yesterday (see? I was going all hardcore!) so I am throwing in a random picture of us from last summer.

PR 3 - Run 13.1 miles : 3:10:34 (yikes, but still 37 min FASTER than last year)

My shuffle strategy was working and I felt pretty good for that first mile. I stopped at the port-a-potty and upon entering I found urine sprayed all over the toilet seat. A quick check to the left confirmed that yes, there was in fact a little urinal thingy in there. Filthy bastards.

RBR yells from port-a-potty: Boys are so gross!
Guy in port-a-potty next to me: We are. Sorry.
LA Run Buddy from outside: *cackle*
Guy from port-a-potty next to me comes out: I wiped the seat!

Boys, seriously WTF?!

(excluding port-a-potty boy because 1. he apologized and wiped the seat 2. he was hot and hot guys are forgiven for just about everything. I know, it sucks. Don't get mad at me. I don't make the rules)

We continued on, but after about four miles LA Run Buddy's knee was not having any more of the whole running thing and she sent me on. It was hard to leave her, but she knew I was trying to wash the stench of the Ironman CdA failure from my psyche and she was not exactly in love with me since I once again got her into a sufferfest. (Don't worry she will get over it. She always does. RBR is a tough habit to break)

About this time I ran into J who I met during the Cinderella training. We decided to shamelessly flirt with half dressed boys, um... errr.... I mean run the rest of the course together. I started to suffer about 7 miles in by 10 miles in I just followed behind J praying for it all to end. My knees and feet were toast, but I was happy that they lasted much longer than I had expected.

When we came in the clock showed the Full Vineman time and an error in calculations had me thinking I came in at 8:50, I was thrilled to discover that I was just an idiot, not ridiculously slow AGAIN and an idiot. 7:50:31 Sub-8 baby!

1/2 Iron PR for both me and J. Win-Win.

Hmm... seems a little less stinky around here.


Drs. Cynthia and David said...

Congrats on a great day and PRs too! Your accounts make me wish I was doing tris too (except for all the drowning I would do!)

Great job!


Unknown said...

Rock On, Girlfriend! That's the way to get it done!!


Lindsay said...

woman! congrats on all the pr's!! you are freakin' amazing. a-ma-zing. glad you were able to still get in some time for eye candy ;)

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Let me be the 4th to congratulate you, B*tch!

(The ones who congratulated you on the previous post don't count because the Emily Post on PR congratulations is - you wait till the Race Report post. If those people don't congratulate you again, ignore them and shun them as though they never did congratulate you because, as far as Emily P. is concerned, they never did.)

Great times on your run, swim and rude!

hot guys are forgiven for just about everything.

So what you're saying is you forgive me for outing you as a dude?

Even though that's a bit patronizing, and a little bit of my hawtness dies every time I am patronized (just because I'm hawt doesn't mean I'm stupid!), still, thanks, R. B*tch!

For the record, I NEVER spray the seat - I spray the soap and faucet so your hands will never be clean enough to eat that Gu and you'll lose energy at the end of the race and I thereby take out all the skirt competition. (Dudes don't let a slight urine glaze stop them from eating anything. But you already know that, don't you?)

Great job! Great report! You are my B*tch Hero!1!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

And yes I meant RUDE, not RIDE, because you were really rude to that guy in the other port-a-potty.

But great time on your ride, too, I guess.

Diana said...

Yeah for a great race! Awesome!!!
Congrats on all the PR's!!!
Too bad no pic of the "eye candy"-next time get your priorities in check! We readers need pics of the hot guys too!!!

Lou said...

Congrats!!! You did awesome. And I have learned that after a couple hours (or more) of running (or swimming, biking, and running) that math--in the form of calculating time, pace, etc--is hard.

SWTrigal said...

Great, great job!!

Es --- IRONMAN! said...

Congratulations on a great race. Your bike time ROCKED!

About the port-a-potty...I think most of the time it's the female hover-ers (yes that's a word) that leave the mess. Seriously ladies - if you're going to hover - CLEAN UP YOUR PISS! Some of us can't hover after running!

Reese said...


StephB said...

Way to GO, RBR!! : )

I agree with the other poster that it could be the ladies with the hover-spray. : (

Lisa said...

Congratulations!!! You are awesome. Thanks for the great race report.

I am glad you were able to get that PR high.

Tri Mommy said...

Awesome job! Way to come back!

Regina said...

Three PR's?! That is killing it! Way to go!

Yeah, the man thing....Some dude hocked a big lugie the other day just as I was passing him on a run (he was NOT running, just a pedestrian). You guessed it, all over me. What is it with them and their inability to control their grossness?

Awesome work! I feel so humbled.

Lindy said...

AWESOME!!!! You rocked it!

Carolina John said...

Good job! your prediction came true, crappy marathon, fantastic half. Nicely done, rbr. that many pr's.... you deserve cake.

i feel pregnant today, i'm craving chicken wings and birthday cake. it's weird, i know, but i thought you of all people would understand.

Alisa said...

Great job!!! You improved all three distances, that's awesome. Your bike time was damn speedy. That's definitely the area I need to work on, I got passed A LOT on Saturday.

Way to rock another half iron! I think this race is now officially on my list for next summer.

Carolina John said...

btw, do i need to send kelley out there as your race photographer? she only seems to take pics of the male eye candy. I on the other hand have never wanted to be a 44 year old woman more than just to get into your transition area. mardi gras,,,,, that made me laugh.

Jo Lynn said...

Congratulations girl. You SO deserved that. You are quite the athlete, I must say. ;)

Alisa said...

Thanks so much for commenting on my race report. I LOVED LOVED LOVED the Tri and can't wait to kill my times on the next one.

Would love to chat about training plans sometime. You're so inspiring with all your improvements!

Herself, the GeekGirl said...

I missed following your race because I was busy sulking and feeling sorry for myself. Great job! I would love to come in under 8 hours in such a race. Maybe next year Baboo and DP can talk me into trying out those crappy roads again. (By the way, how were they?)
And yes, I do agree on the swimming thing. I can always find my bike, regardless of whether it is a regular or reverse-order tri!

Generation X (Slomohusky) said...

Going Charles Dickens? It was Tale of Two Cities. A really great novel comparing lives in London and Paris.

Just get over the porta pottie thing. Whether it is, hovering or uncontrolable male streamers - WHEN has ANYONE been in a clean one? I think yelling while in a one is psychological/social disorder on the lines of angry old men yelling at clouds (smile). Just think how racing would be if we did not have the porta potties on the course?

Great job though. Still amazing you did this a week after a Marathon. What exactly is your daily training? How many swims a week, runs and saddle time?

PunkRockRunner said...

Love the race report and love the PR BUT I love the attitude most of all.

Enjoy your recovery and the sticky-free toilet seat at home (at least I am assuming it's sticky-free).

All the best!

Isela said...

Congratulations! Awesome times.

Southbaygirl said...

ok...now I want to do the race just to see the hot MEN!! Yeah..i'm easy that way too!!

ok....so i must ask...does anyone swim breaststroke on the swim parts of a tri?? I was watching the Iron Girl on NBC yesterday and I didn't see one person doing my favorite stroke....i don't know if I can do 1.2 miles freestyle....

But you rock! Yes WOOT WOOT...you ROCK!!!

and I am a "female hoverer" when it comes to the porta potty! I always clean up!!

Take it from someone who works in business where porta potties are ALWAYS in USE at work-MEN ARE DIRTY! We usually designate a "women only" porta potty-amazing the difference! just saying! I don't know what you guys do when you're in the porta potty.....

Jessica said...

Glad you finally had things go your way! You deserve it, nice job kicking butt!!

Stef0115 said...


Aka Alice said...

I'd say about once a day, DramaGirl snarls loudly so that everyone within a mile radius of us can hear because Turbo has sprayed apre' pee... It starts early. I don't understand it.

Anyway...congrats on a rockin' race! Once again, you are the goddess!

Maryland Girl aka Michelle said...

Way to go! Congratulations!

Aron said...

AWESOME job and huge congrats on the PR!!!!!! you did amazing!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...


"Morrissey" = My P*ssy-@$$ Recumbent Exercise Bike.

When I got it, a certain blogger called it a "p*ssy" bike, so I named it after her fav inger, Morrissey, who's an even bigger p*ssy than my exercise bike.

Hope that clears things up for you.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

And of course by "inger" I meant "finger".

RoadBunner said...

Awesome job!!! You are a total machine. I am SO SO happy for you!! Yay!

Yes, men are gross. The portapotties in all women events are SO freakin' clean. And eww... wiping the seat... I don't want to sit on it after that, either!

IronWaddler said...

WooHoo!! Big congrats to you on an awesome day and PR. You rocked the course sub8. I hope that I can do as good as you in mine!

Donald said...

Sweeeeet. It's tough to beat PRs across the board. Excellent job - it definitely sounds like you got your mojo back.

Calyx Meredith said...

Oh fantastic! Yay RBR!

kristen said...

Holy shit. Those are some huge fucking chunks of PR times. Way to go RBR. Makes it all worth it on days like this.

p.s. boys are gross. i always opt for the woods. Nature is ALWAYS clener than public restrooms, let alone port-a-johns. Fucking nasty!!

Generation X (Slomohusky) said...

I think boys are gross too. A bunch of yuckies as my little girl calls them. However, my assumption of any port pottie, john or honeybucket is something yuck is going on inside no matter the gender. Unless you live in Seattle where the city spends over $100,000 on self cleaning ones.

There is always this - most of the top runners in every race - if they need to go? They do it in stride. Dark shorts please? Think of that as you see Ryan Hall, Deana Kastor or whomwever your fav runner is crossing the finish line? Or, maybe not. That sounds gross or yuckie as well.

RBR, great effort and keep running. As I have said, the most entertaining blog on running. Your the best.

Missy said...

wooohooo and yes, hawt guys are forgiven for most things...so I can look at them longer all hot, sweaty and shredded;)

Seriously, nice job. You have to be thrilled. It kind of brings the year back around for you!

Anonymous said...

CONGRATS on your PR!!!! You totally rocked this race and after just having run a marathon! seriously hardcore!! and I agree guys are gross, but all hot ones are forgiven :)

Christi said...

I just found your blog and you are absolutely funny. Thanks for the great account of your race and congrats on all your PRS!!!!!!!


I just came across your blog. Congrats on the times. Anyone that has Glaven responding 4 times in the same post must be OK.

Jane said...

Wow ! That is f-in Super!
See you are good and getting better.

under my own steam said...

Congrats. As usual - you inspire me to keep going.

trailturtle said...

LOVE your tenacity in ALL of your events.....I thought I was tenacious, but you put me to shame! I'll be looking for you next time I am running or cycling in the Bay Area....hope you are enjoying your recovery, Ann

ShirleyPerly said...

Incredible race!! Seriously, how can demolish so many PRs so soon after another marathon? You must have been holding back some major post-IMCDA RBR fury and took it out on poor lil' Barb's race ;-)


EndorphinBuzz said...

Congrats that is pretty fast!!!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Hey B*tch!1! Where the freak ARE you? Teh Intertubes are boring without your Inspiring Tales of Trannyfied Running and Sartorial Excess!1! It's been like what? A week and a half? Stop resting on your laurels! (Yeah, that's right: I know you got a pair of laurels ... and a laurels@ck, too.)

So post already!


Don't MAKE me come back here and tell you again!

X-Country2 said...

What a great race report! Congrats on some fantastic PRs.

The Stretch Doc said...

Nice freakn' job !!! on the PR's!!
too funny about RAGE comments, so true and funny! (So you coming back next year?? )


Jane said...

ok, i signed up for Las Vegas marathon 12/6/09. You still in?

Lindy said...

Hellloooooooo out there?!

Karen said...

Congrats! You are amazing!!!

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

Girl! I was gonna do that race! but I did the vine-person 70.3 instead. Was it as fucking hot for Barb's day as it was for Vine-person? Because it was unbelievably fucking melting out there.

It was so hot, I'm still swearing about it. That's some hot shit.

Good job on your not-one-not-two-but-three PR's. For the record, the barb's race medals are way prettier than the Vine-dude's medals.