"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Monday, September 19, 2011

Race Report: Moo Cow Half Marathon - September 18, 2011

Yes, you read that right, I actually did a race. Of course if you have been reading this blog for more than 3 minutes you know that I do not "race" per say. I am a running purest purist (Damn you, SQ! Of course, SQ making me feel stupid is like Kate Moss making me feel fat. Meh. Does not even register)

It is not the competiton that draws this moth to the running flame it is important things like: cute t-shirts, good post race food, and pretty locales.

I rarely, if ever, "race" because when I do it becomes obvious that I will still lose to everyone and that is not good for my self esteem. 


Total Distance: 13.23 miles
Total Time: 2:48:54 (whatever)
Total Climb: According to Garmin 2100 ft (That is too much. Garmin is always wrong, but it was significant. I need to find a good GPS data cleaner. If anyone knows one, please let me know.)


Thursday my buddy Penny sent out an email saying she had a registration for the Inaugural Petaluma Moo Cow Half Marathon and she would not be able to make it up from LA to run it and she asked if anyone wanted her bib. I had a 10ish mile run on the schedule this weekend that was not super jazzed about running alone and the race has a cute logo, so, yes, I was interested!


Truth be told, for all my f-word slinging, trash talking, bravado I am a rule follower. I would love to say I am one of those devil may care, stand up against The Man non-conformists, but in actuality, if the sign says "Do not walk on the grass" I will not walk on the grass. It is not born of some deep moral convictions, it is because I do not like to get yelled at. Especially when I am wrong.


The race said no transfers of registration, so I would have impersonate my friend to get the bib on race day. And that is what I did.  

Apparently a cute cow logo will make me throw caution to the wind and become the rebel of my dreams.
I envisioned the woman at the packet pick up shouting IMPOSTER! and two goons clad in Moo Cow gear hauling me away from the table in shame, threatening to call my mother and tell her what a horrible, dishonest daughter she raised.

In reality, the gal handing out numbers at packet pick up could have given two shits if I said I was Oprah Winfrey at registration. As long as the name I said was on the list, she would gladly hand me a number.

 Love her. Do not speak ill of Oprah. It only makes me mad. 

The rebel high has worn off and I am worried about getting my buddy in trouble. so I am 'pinking' out the number. I am aware that may cost me some bad ass points.

The Run 

The temperature was downright perfect, the race was well organized and the town of Petaluma (while smack dab in the middle of fucking nowhere) is really cute and (barring some asshole drivers on the roads, both of the redneck and non-redneck variety) filled with really friendly folk.
 Race start. I love the cow print balloons. 

There was not as much cow spirit on this course as one would expect. I imagine that is because it was the inaugural race, but there was one group that had the cutest cow ear headbands replete with stuffed cow tails that I did not get in the picture. Boo.

So damn cute! The one dude in this picture was leap frogging with me for the first half and then dropped my ass in the second half. I LOVED seeing his shadow with his cow ears flopping as he came up behind me. It made getting passed (and eventually dropped) a lot easier.

The course was pretty, but not breath-taking, unless you count the 'bovine bouquet' Petaluma is known for.

 Horrid example of the pretty, but I find it harder to take photographs on road races. I get all self-conscious and shy. Yes, I said, 'shy.' Shut up. 

Requisite picture of cows. Most of them where too far away for any really fun photo ops.

Another fact you should know about the Petaluma Moo Cow Half is that it is hilly. Not trail run hilly, but certainly enough to get your attention.
A couple of these hurt. A lot.

I met a great gal from Santa Rosa that was faster than me, but her knees were shot so she was walking the uphills (what a coincidence! Despite the fact that my knees were fine, so was I!) I do so love that I have to depend on the injuries or abject misery of other runners to get running partners as slow as me in races, but I usually find someone to run with.  We ran the second half together and played the "races you have run" name drop game. And were able to come in at 2:48:54. Not a PR by any stretch, but for a last minute, hilly race, the weekend after a 20 miler on concrete and asphalt, and an insane work schedule, I will take it! 

Thanks, Penny! I owe you one!

And for your viewing pleasure...

A Lola burrito!


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...


Looks like Lola's being born out of a cow vagina!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Congrats on finishing the half-marry, you Rebellious Identity Thief! Do you think the Chihuahua that f*cked that cow so that Lola could be born out its vagina tried to pass itself off as a bull? I know I should be talking about your half-marry and all, but I just keep trying to imagine that chihuahua and that cow doing it ... what position did they use ... doggie-style or cow-style? I mean, yeah, you ran some hills and all that but I'm talking an abomination of Biblical proportions over here, when (possibly illegal) chihuahuas are coming here, to OUR country, and fucking our cows when there are some perfectly capable American Bulls who'd be willing to do the job, not to mention Cletus also too, who's probably had his share of cows, horses, pigs ...

So EXCUSE ME for not being able to focus. YOU'RE the one who posted the bovine-canine-abomination porn pix!

Lindsay said...

Hahaha. G's comment is a great footnote.

Glad to hear you're still hitting the races. Did not expect this side of you... Shy? Rule-follower? Forget you!! ;)

Moo-Cow Half said...

We have opened an investigation... JK! If you email us we will change the name on the results.

Jo Lynn said...

You got a cow bell! How stinkin' cute is that. Why would Penny sign up for a half marathon in Petaluma? That's quite silly of her. Did you see any parts of the Holstein Hundred course you rode on last year? ;)

IronSnoopy said...

OK, do you live in like, race heaven? "Hey, look at this - we have a race themed with cows!" Hey, look at this - we have beauty just oozing out of every slice of the atmosphere!"

Good for you for racing! I still want to run with you some day. :-)

Rog wore a friend's race bib once and accidentally ended up getting 3rd in the women's 45-49 category. Last time either of us have done that.

Lola. Sigh. Cute.

SteveQ said...

I'm surprised that spelling purist Glaven didn't correct you on spelling it "purest;" so now I have that honor.

I know you choose events by the cute clothes they give away. I'm thinking of doing a post about my favorite T-shirts from races (I have 600 in boxes; "Bullhead Days" probably is my all-time fave).

And just to make you feel superior, I haven't run as far as a half-marathon since July and haven't finished a race since May.

Stacie said...

I'm a new follower!!! Love your blog.

SteveQ said...

As long as Kate Moss doesn't make you feel stupid. I sort of met her once; baffled by a twist-off cap.

Anonymous said...

i ran this race too!! the hills were horrible! i thought they would only be for the first few miles..nope...they were there the entire time. so happy i found somebody else that ran it!

LJ said...

Congrats on the half & good luck on your upcoming marathon. I'm doing the SJ Rock n Roll this Sunday... & wish I had taken more time to train, I will probably do only slightly better than you did (and that's without hills).

Keep up the good work n keep blogging, you rock at it! :)

The Original MAJ said...

Miss reading your hilarious observations. Hope all is well!

Southbaygirl said...

OMG.....I laughed out loud!!!! I love you so much! Can't wait to run "our race"... Have you picked the perfect one? I still want to do Big Sur 21 miler....... I hope JK hasn't turned you into the "race police"

Southbaygirl said...

Oops that was the Moo Cow people who were anonymous......yikes.....are they race police?????

RoadBunner said...

I wish I had known you were going to be at the race. It was freakin' hilly hella hard!! Gah!

Tasha said...

That looks like such a pretty run! I love the cow theme and the cow hats in that pic! Congrats on finishing the race! The elevation chart looks like a killer!

Unknown said...