"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I am not okay.

The following is a conversation with a coworker that has been known to describe me to others as an 'unstable hot-head', but before you shed too many tears at my expense, I have been known to describe him to him as a 'self-important prick.'

I am more of a cut-out-the-middle-man kind of gal when it comes to gossip and slander, and quite possibly an unstable, hot-head.

SIP: Hi, RBR! How are you? (He is not excited to see me, he needs something. Usually, if we are unfortunate enough to make eye contact we exchange head nods.)

RBR *struggling to get copy machine to accept the science department code*: I am fine. How are you, SIP?

SIP: Good, but, boy, I am sooooo busy.... [goes into long winded soliloquy about all the meetings and activities he is doing this year, in typical martyred teacher fashion. I would list them for you, but I stopped listening immediately after asking my question]

RBR *muttering to copier as it eats my originals*: Motherfucking, piece of shit....

I start repeatedly pressing clear button with more vehemence than is really necessary

SIP: You sure you are ok?

RBR: I am fine. What can I do for you?

I kick copier as it jams and the screen gives me convoluted instructions as to how to make it happy again. "Open door at 'A', slide 'B' to the right, to clear paper passage at 'C', while standing on one leg and reciting the Gettysburg Address in Swahili...."

SIP: As I think you know, I am on the Blah, blah, blah committee, where we sit around pontificate, kiss each other's asses, and never accomplish a fucking thing other than to waste time and try to sound important, ... Well, we have our meetings on Thursdays. I was wondering if you could cover my [insert his laundry list of  Thursday night afterhours commitments] the first of which is tonight.

(ok, he did not say all that but he did try to offload THREE commitments in one fell swoop, which is very assholish, IMHO)

Meanwhile the copier refuses to take three of my originals and starts printing tests are missing 3 pages while making a godawful noise.


I punch the copier lid hard enough to make the godawful noise worsen. 


I start to bang my head on the copier.

RBR *turns to SIP, now looking like I am going to cry*: What? What do you want me to do for you?

SIP: Uh, nothing,but I don't think you are 'ok', though. 

I think it is important to note that my personal life has taken a bit of a hit as of late, I was up at my latest weigh in, I am about to start my period, and it is raining today. The later is significant in that California schools do not have enclosed hallways. They are little more than glorified overhangs. Therefore, if it is windy your journey to the main office results in you getting soaked through and the rain plastering your bangs to your forehead giving you the oh-so-hot drown rat appearance. Plus my extra warm fleece is no longer 'extra warm' and smells a bit like wet dog. It is currently 6:45 am. *sigh*

Fine. I am not okay, but at least I do not have any extra Thursday night duties to cover. Being an unstable, hot-head has its advantages.


Kate Geisen said...

Small favors when mini-nervous breakdowns at least short circuit the attempts of others to fob off their work. Here's hoping life gets back in hand and the weather cooperates with you quickly.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

You're not okay, but you're still great.

Hang in there!

I hate self-important pricks. They invariably are nowhere near as important as, say, my n*ts@ck is, and that's not just my self talking. My n*ts@ck is of objective importance; many have said that the main reason we avoided a second economic depression (so far!) has more to do with the American People's Faith in my n*ts@ck than any other single thing, genital or otherwise.

Look, I myself would not go that far, but at this point it would be unwise of me to say or do anything that would adversely affect the economy, and if that means acquiescing to The People's fetishizing of my n*ts@ck, then I guess I acquiesce.

I guess I just love America more than those n*ts@ck hatahs.

ltlindian said...

I love your posts! You have the greatest dry wit and I love your honesty! I just started following you but I already know I would love to know you in person. :) Anyhoo--your day can only get better from here, right? It is the full moon and we all know what that does to people. Chin up--the weekend is almost here. :)

funderson said...

I find when dealing with copy machines that double middle finger salutes accompanied by full 5 minute swearing-fests does the trick. OK, it doesn't REALLY make copies, but that's what I do anyway...

DangerMonkey said...

Though I am sorry that you've been going through a rough patch, I just have to say that your delivery of that post literally made me laugh out loud. :)

trailturtle said...

I'm gonna keep bothering you until you ARE OK...
...that'll get you moving in the "right" direction REALLY quick, huh!
...hang in there
...keep that RBR spirit
...I like hot-heads; at least you know where you stand with them
...I think my next charitable donation will be to donate a new copier to school in your name :).

Beth said...

First, it always makes my day when I check in to your blog and there's a new post!
Though this knowledge does not make us feel better, the fact is it's winter, and in our house all our weights are up, and our moods are a direct reflection of the weather, which for CA this is pretty crappy weather!
From what I've read here, you've had a rough year and are entitled to not be ok, and to punch things and swear when needed. Hang in there...the sun should be back on Sunday at least!

Carlee said...

The copier always gets my finest language!

IronSnoopy said...

Wait. It *rains* in California?

The good thing about not being OK around this guy is you will always and forever be known to him as the crazy, not OK chick. Well done, RBR. Well. Done.

Pam @ herbieontherun.com said...

This post had me cracking up. I could so easily visualize this entire seen playing out.

Aka Alice said...

Rain sucks and I HATE copy machines (and SIPS)...

Hang in there...three day weekend comin' right?

Ordinarylife said...

You seem pretty ok to me. Not ok would have been "breaking off door A, Slide it into position B above head and bringing it down swiftly on SIP".

Anything other than that in this situations seems pretty calm.

Aileen said...

Oh I hate the crushing feeling of a mini-breakdown, too.

Sending good vibes your way!!!

SteveQ said...

I would've accepted all three of SIP's responsibilities and then promptly ignored them. It keeps me from being asked again. Come to think of it, it keeps me from getting letters of recommendation, too...

Perhaps you were standing on the wrong leg while reciting the Gettysburgh Adrress in Swahili.

SteveQ said...

(I blame the keyboard)

Jo Lynn said...

I have never considered you a hot-head. Just so you know. ;)

Jessie said...

I would love to work with you! You always make me laugh, and Im pretty sure Id stay the hell out of your way! lol Sorry you had a shitty day! PMS passes thank God!

The Original MAJ said...

I am not ok, you're not ok, but it's ok. LOL

Herself, the GeekGirl said...

Oh, and lets not forget the lovely, water-logged papers that get handed in (or worse, handed back after having been turned in in fine condition)

I salute you for following through on the scary bitch theme. I've tried it in the past but then always wussied out and felt guilty, and wound up volunteering for more things than I'd originally been asked to do. Go, you!

Feel better soon. M

Carolina John said...

Buckle up, Virginia. You're still cuter than Glaven.

It doesn't rain in california!! I've always heard that.

Copiers deserved to be screamed at. You deserve to give that bitch what for.

TooeleTwins said...

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The Cooking: http://theoccasionalchef.blogspot.com/
The Running: http://reflectionsonarun.blogspot.com/