"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Monday, January 24, 2011

When we last left our hero....

Sorry about my impromptu hiatus. I just got a tad overwhelmed with work and such. I did want to post an update since I am sure you all have been losing sleep wondering what the hell has been going on in my FASCINATING life:

1. The "Could-not-find-their-own-ass-with-two-hands United Airlines who lost my luggage, canceled my claim calling it "resolved", then dicked me around for 3 and a half more weeks" Saga:

They found my luggage! A mere month after my own arrival home, my beloved pink Puma hat is home safe and sound. Although it, along with everything else in my luggage, smells a bit like overripe pineapple. (Mental note: Next time leave the stupid pineapple in the hotel.)

 This is wrong. I should not find this funny or cute. Nor should I endorse the taking of such a picture by putting it on my blog.

2.  I have a student teacher this semester.  By time second semester comes around I am running around like my ass is on fire with AP and the state standardized exams looming, committee commitments coming to a head, and teenage educational apathy is reaching its mid-year crescendo.

I am hoping that a bright eyed, eager beaver newbie teacher will shame me into getting my shit together. As I have said, my ego is probably the only reason I have accomplished anything in my life.

Yeah, yeah.. it is supposed to be about the children and their education... blah, blah, blah...

Anyhoo, while my first semester curriculum is neatly organized in folders on my hard drive, with a neatly maintained binder of student handout originals, lesson plans, and standards alignment on my desk,  my second semester curriculum is a veritable hot mess. From the end of January to June, I find myself scrambling when planning to find something, and more often than I care to admit, just recreating activities and lessons out of frustration. I figured a student teacher would force me to get my second semester stuff in order like my first semester curriculum.

I view my decision to take on a student teacher akin to those people that get a puppy so they will exercise. I just hope she does not end up a fat, untrained Labrador locked in the backyard.

I do have to share a "fun" student interaction when I introduced my young, beautiful student teacher to the class:

Ms. RBR: Everyone, I would like to introduce Miss. K...

Student in front row: Is she your daughter?

I look up at my student teacher who stands a foot and a half taller than me, has bright blue eyes, dark brown hair, and legs up to her neck. 

Ms. RBR in her best arrogant asshole, teacher voice: No, Mendel, this is our new student teacher. 

 *sigh* Clearly I did a bang up job teaching the concept of heredity. 

3. My tooth woes: I had my double root canal last week. It was about as fun as ... well, ... a fucking double root canal.

Lucky for me it is only half done and I get to go back next Monday to finish both teeth. Then I get to schedule the gum surgery and the crowns. It is the gift that keeps on giving.

Goddamn, mother fucking, stupid ass $3000.00 granola cluster.

4. I have started yet another diet program. I know, my annual "Hey look! I gained back all the weight from last year's diet" Diet is a tad early this year. I usually do not need to do this until March.

What can I say? I am an overachiever.


Aka Alice said...

Ooooooh...student teacher. God bless 'em. I only had a few cuz I'm such a freekin' control FREAK and would never let anyone take over without making 'em crazy. You are a much wiser woman than I

C said...

Sounds like your year is starting off on the right foot--the right foot that has gout, a bunion, athlete's foot and gross nails with moldy foot cheese.

I accidentally left a library book on the plane a few weeks ago. I put in a lost item form for it, but I have a feeling I'm never going to see it again. Balls.

Diana said...

Just got an email from one of those "student" teachers for my son yesterday! UGH!
OMG, I laughed hard over that damn cat picture-maybe more so over your commentary! God damn woman, stop taking these long hiatus', I needed this laugh this morning. Actually with this damn cold I've picked up, you turned me into quite the wheezing, whistling woman of terror that my cats totally ran from as I cried over this post.
$3000.00 granola snack! I hate to laugh over your misfortune, but funny shit. My hubs is going tomorrow morning to have his tooth yanked out that he cracked on a frickin' cashew! And the cost of an implant? Shit, more than my first car.......
Glad your luggage is home safe and sound!

Georgia Snail said...

I know a guy that coulda gotten you that $3000.oo granola for half the price...sorta fell off the truck...

trailturtle said...

...well then, you must have a really BIG ego!! :)))
Sorry I won't be able to follow your ass this weekend :(
Run well, Ann

SteveQ said...

When I was in 6th grade, we had a contest to see who could make the student teacher cry first and had a betting pool as to when it would happen. Took me 8 minutes. Made $50.

I did feel really bad about it, apologized, and assured her that it really had nothing to do with her, I just happened to need the money and know how to push some people's buttons.

She didn't quit, but she sure thought about it for a long time.

Christi said...

I love your posts! You just make me laugh! Thanks!

Kate Geisen said...

I just had my first student teacher. Sigh. She's just like me, but less motivated. It was a bad fit.

PunkRockRunner said...

I love how you know your readers well enough to know that none of us would know who the fuck Gregor Mendel was so you included a link to his Wikipedia page.

Also, your game is a little off. The Stacey I know would have told the student that she (the new student teacher) was her sister… Her older sister…

Rock on!!


trailturtle said...

OK, now I'm insulted, Ron ;)...I "know who the fuck Gregor Mendel was" without the link.
You're right about the "game a little off" comment though, but it's gotta be "her older STEP-sister."
Definitely "Rock on!" Ann :)))

Jo Lynn said...

Okay, that picture of the poor cat? Very bad!! I couldn't stop staring and laughing though. LOLOL

Aileen said...

Argh. Hiatus. I feels your pain! Keep putting the teacher advice out there, and the funny stories. I just started teaching last semester, and aside from the rampant plagiarism, it has been a hoot.

IronSnoopy said...

I *have* been losing sleep, so it's about damn time you posted! Sheesh.

SO NICE to see you around. I die laughing reading all of your posts.

Herself, the GeekGirl said...

1. There are way worse things your luggage could smell like. Would you like me to list them?

2. They sent me an intern this week unexpectedly. It was so weird, having her sitting there bright and eager, expectant, and TAKING NOTES on what I had to say. I was tempted to make up some useless shit just to screw with her, but I was nice.

3. Totally don't miss the standardized tests. I'd rather have an enema with sand than go through that again.

4. I've had nine root canals. Shake it off, wuss.

Drs. Cynthia and David said...

Good to see your inimitable blog posts are still coming :). I had noticed your hiatus but hoped you were using the time to get more sleep. Sounds like you have plenty to keep you busy though. Hope your hip pain is under control. I still have an ongoing battle with my gluts...


SteveQ said...

Okay, I tried not to laugh at this (and failed):


Jessie said...

I found your blog around the beginning of January and have been wondering where you were, as when found your blog I laughed so hard reading back on past posts! Good luck on your diet!