"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Walking in a Winter Wonderland!

Of course, your definition of a 'winter wonderland' and mine may be a little different.

Winter in Maui, Hawaii

I had grand plans of posting a 'Farewell! I am off to Hawaii!' post, but I got sidetracked by .. well more on that later, as you read what could also be titled List of Additional Shit that makes 2010 Suck Ass. 

Here are the pictures, I was going to use

Walrus Girl Does Hawaii! (Ok, possibly only funny to SQ. Alright, maybe not even to him, but cute, no?)  

Mr. and Mrs. RBR at the airport!

But since I am already back from Hawaii, it seems that whole We-are-off-to-Hawaii-Try-to-not-freeze-your-tuckus-off-while-you-choke-on-your-jealousy,-bitches! ship has sailed.

So, without further adieu...

Hawaii 2010

Back at the beginning of the school year, I decided that we would celebrate the end of my husband's cancer treatment by going to Hawaii for Christmas. Then I convinced my family that we are all grown adults that do not need anything and we should just skip presents this year since we would all be out of town.

Let's just say, sometimes...

I am fucking BRILLIANT. 

Zero stress Christmas? Check. 


2010 continues its campaign for the "Most Suck Ass Year to Beat All Suck Ass Years," so the transition to vacation was not as seamless I would have liked.

It started in November when a granola cluster, that apparently featured Titanium chips, broke my tooth. (Like how I blame the inanimate object and not my hillbilly dental constitution? Whatevs. That thing was ridiculous) Upon seeing the dentist, the following transpired:

Evil, money grubbing Dentist who is, in reality, neither evil, nor money grubbing: Ummm... wow, that is a bad break. You need a root canal, gum surgery since it broke below the gum line, and then a special cap. And, gee, this tooth behind it is chipped as well and the filling looks involved, so it may need work too. Oh, and by the way, *sadistic dentist smile* you have reached your insurance cap for the year, so it will have to all be out of pocket. (Translation for you non-dentists: "Whoa! That is one jacked up tooth. But don't worry, this is not only going to hurt like a mofo, it is going to cost you enough to put my kid through her first year at Stanford")

Me thinks to myself in true hillbilly style: Fuck that. It does not hurt now. I am waiting until 2011 when my insurance resets to fix this bitch.

Me says: Thank you, doctor. I will check my schedule and give you a call to set up the appointment (translation for you non-hillbilly types: See ya next year, sucka!)

[eerie foreshadowing music plays]

Fast forward to December 17 (THREE fucking days before departure on our very needed and very expensive Hawaiian holiday getaway) the tooth starts to hurt. A LOT.


I hear flying in a airplane is a GREAT idea when you have a toothache. I just said "fuck it", and got a prescription for pain medication and proceeded as planned.

Random picture from Hawaii to break up text block. Plumeria flowers.  

At the end of November my parents returned from their 3 week vacation in Antarctica. (I know! Right? They had an amazing trip. I hope to have a picture or two to share when my dad finishes them.) On the return flight my mother developed  a pulmonary embolism (blood clot to her lungs) and had to be hospitalized. The doctor told us that she "dodged a bullet" and if the clot had not scattered when it left the heart and went to the lungs it would have most likely killed her instantly or caused massive lung damage. It was pretty fucking terrifying. She is doing very well now, but her long distance flying days are over.


With mom at home and out of danger and  fistful of painkillers I head off to Hawaii with hubby. 

Christmas at the Ritz-Carlton Kapalua...

...with this sexy creature. 

Hard to bemoan your lot in life when you are in Maui at Christmas with the man you love. The vacation was exactly what I needed: laid back, relaxed, and beautiful. I even had the peace of mind to read. I have not been able to finish a book in the last 8 months. I have started several, but have only finished one I think.

Running in Hawaii

Things I learned running in Hawaii

1. I am out of shape

2. Hawaii is humid.

3. Asthma, and by extension the asthmatic RBR, does not like humidity. 

4. It does not matter where I go I end up running uphill.

5. Running while out of shape, in humidity, with asthma, and uphill sucks ass.  

6. Running while on vacation in Hawaii makes you not care about 1-5.

Top of the hill, well one of them, but it is all good, brah (Yes, I am entirely too white to say "brah." My apologies to the Hawaiian people)

Scenes from my Hawaiian Running

 Leaving the hotel. This is at the Bayan tree at the entrance to the hotel.

Yellow Hibiscus (the state flower of Hawaii) planted along the golf course.

Tunnel that lets you run under the Piilani Hwy. 

Lush greenery along trail.

View from the near the top of the trail. It is ok to hate me now *smug grin*

GIGANTO African Snail (there were TONS of this invasive, introduced species. I will spare you the lecture about island ecosystems and introduced species)

 Monarch butterflies gettin' down and dirty on the trail. No shame, those Monarchs. It was Monarch breeding season in Kapalua.

The product of the lepidopteran exhibitionists (Again, only funny to SQ and other science nerds)

This may be the last picture of me and my favorite pink run hat. To add to the wonder that has been my 2010, United airlines lost my luggage on our return trip. My run hat, water belt, sunglasses, favorite run shorts, and cute new run tops were all inside. *sigh*

You did it 2010! You won the "Most Suck Ass Year to Beat All Suck Ass Years"! Congratulations!

*sniff* I will miss you pink Puma run hat. 

And lest you think I forgot you, G

Aloha (RBR style) from Hawaii!


Kate Geisen said...

You may feel out of shape, but you look great in these pictures. Looks like a beautiful trip. So glad your mom was ok--like you need any more scary medical stuff in your life. And we have had several similar dentist conversations in the past year. Hopefully his kid is young, though, bc it'll be another 10 years before we get that bill paid off.

Generation X (Slomohusky) said...

you just made wanna go brush my teeth again.

great pix regardless of it all. glad to hear your mom is okay though. scary stuff.

2011 will be better!

Teamarcia said...

I love snow and all but I'll trade for Maui any freaking day. Ran a 1/2 marathon there, talk about hot. Sorry about the luggage and the dental issues!

Keith said...

No G comment yet. I'll have to come back. Great photos!

C said...

Jeezas. I thought my 2010 bit the big one. Not so much compared to you.

Glad your mom is okay and that you were able to enjoy Hawaii. Here's to a much, much, much better 2011 for you and your family.

Georgia Snail said...

I might have to borrow your "foot snail" photo....

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

And lest you think I forgot you, G

Mine's bigger. It also has a n*ts@ck attached. It is often in my hand, but not attached, the way yours is. In short, yours is weird.

The product of the lepidopteran exhibitionists (Again, only funny to SQ and other science nerds)

NOT FUCKING TRUE!1! Teh 'Dad's fav New Yorker cartoon OF ALL TIME was of a guy with a net going over a cliff in pursuit of a butterfly and another guy standing there saying to a third guy: "He was a great lepidopterist." SO I'VE KNOWN WHAT THE WORD MEANS SINCE I WAS LIKE 7!1!

And I GET the joke. I just don't think it is funny!1! Ya HEAR me 'Dad? NOT FUNNY!1!

So, to revise my thesis statement, you are, in fact, correct. Only SteveQ would think that was funny.

Incidentally: I would fuck that caterpillar. Listen ... everyone else was thinking it ...

Hey! How come a guy who's been through fucking CANCER TREATMENTS look more fit than I do? Punch Mr. RBR in the mouth for me! (But don't say it was from me.)

In other news, you have a great smile for a Hill-Willamena.

Your ordeal with the dentist reminded me of this famous Simpsons scene:

Dentist: "Lisa, so you won't be scared, I'll show you some of the tools I'll be using. This is the scraper, this is the poker, and this happy little fellow is called the gouger. Now the first thing I'll be doing is chiseling some teeth out of your jawbone. Hold still while I gas you."

And the dentist has one of those generic Evil Eurotrash accents. And he holds up each of the evil looking implements as he talks about it.


Good luck with you teeth, Lisa - er, I mean B*tch!1!

Good to have you back!


Diana said...

OMG-where have you been??? I've never laughed so fucking hard as I did over this post. I may have even blown a bugger or two. OK, I know that sounds bad that I laugh at your miss-fortune and all, but wholly crap you have a great way of writing about such a horrible year and yet making it sound so funny. Who else would take a picture of Monarchs "doing it"?
So glad to hear your Mom is well, that is one thing I kind of hope I die from-a fast PE! I see it all the time at work-one minute you're talking to a patient, the next minute they're dead. Just that quick and no suffering.
The hubs looks good-healthy! Congrats on beating the big "C".
Hope all gets better and 2011 brings you both great times!

Jill said...

Perfect way to end a sucky year, well...aside from the lost pink Puma hat. 2011 has GOT to be a much better year!!

funderson said...

HA! I'm happy to be able to laugh at your pain...very funny post...

PunkRockRunner said...

Um, you ran so slow that during your run a snail was able to make its way up onto your shoe whilst you ran or did you remove this poor fellow from his resting spot (most likely scaring the crap out of him) to place him on your (stinky) running shoe for the inclusions in this post? Either way, awesome!!

Welcome home and have a safe & happy new year my friend.

All the best,


Anonymous said...

Way to end the year with a bang! So sorry to hear about your mom, but I am glad she is ok.

2011 will definitely be your year! :)

SteveQ said...

Of course, I'm tempted to "out-suck" you on 2010, but I'll refrain, as part of my campaign to be more positive. The walrus pic was funny (nice to see the walrus got lei-d), but the caterpillar... nope, not seeing it.

You're not Jewish enough for tuchis (it's not spelled "tuckus"), but "brah?" Very 1992 of you. Your students will enjoy laughing at you if you ever try that in front of them.

Snails on the trails... do they make aioli butter-sauce GU?

Pam @ herbieontherun.com said...


First of all, I'm SO GLAD you got that very much-needed vacation. I called you lots of ugly words while reading this and looking at your pictures, but I'm still happy for you nonetheless.

Second, HOLY SHIT about your mom! That's scary stuff! As sucky as 2010 was, it came awfully damn close to sucking a lot worse!

Third, I love that picture of the tunnel. Very cool.

And last, I absolutely DETEST United. They have lost my luggage and cancelled my flight and delayed me getting home for the last time. From now on if it's either stay home or fly United, this old gal will be staying home.

SteveQ said...

Oh, and my childhood dentist (who I once knocked unconscious as he tested to see if a nerve was still alive - it was) used to inspect my teeth saying, "Where will we vacation this year? Let's see. That tooth doesn't look good. Florida. Hmmm, that needs work. Bahamas. Oh dear, oh dear. Hawaii. That's going to take several visits. Round the world cruise!"


Southbaygirl said...

Wholly Crap-good fucking riddance 2010!! 2011 here come RBR!!!!!!!

Shawn said...

Oh man - sucks about the tooth! I have one that I've been nursing(pain free) for a while now. I've been procrastinating going to the dentist. You haven't inspired me to go! :D

As for running in Hawaii - having done a Triathlon in Hawaii I can attest to the fact that all those factors do make exercise a challenge - and all the other factors you mentioned make it AWESOME! :D

Hope 2011 is THE YEAR for you!

Regina said...

Sucks about your tooth. I broke one this summer on a cherry pit si I literally feel your pain.

That said, I'm glad your mom is ok and you were able to enjoy your vacation!! Well deserved.

Lindsay said...

hawaii in december? zzzzz. like i am jealous of that. south carolina is so exciting year-round.

glad your mom is ok. yikes. i made big donations to the dental society in 2009, i decided to give to medical docs in 2010. i'll prob go back to the dental donations in '11. lord knows i have 10-grand worth of work to have done, i'm sure.

Katie A. said...

F-ing airlines! I'm sad to see the hat go!
SOOOOOOO glad you and the man had a wonderful holiday - I know 2011 will be awesome! Can't wait to run with you in a few weeks!!! Huggssss!!!! Happy New Year!

trailturtle said...

How dare they loose an RBR bag! Glad that you and your hubby made it home safely. Neat trail snail pic...too bad he's an invasive, introduced species.
Wish I could join you at Huddart next weekend. HAPPY NEW YEAR, Ann

Herself, the GeekGirl said...

I'd get a second opinion from the dentist. Himself had a prior-unknown baby tooth remnant, which was held captive tightly between two adult teeth, implode. Our dentist basically told him that if he didn't have tons of expensive surgery, immediately, a singularity would commence in his head that would suck the entire universe into it. (star trek and/or physics nerd joke)

OPTIMAL running weather for asthmatics is between 40% and 60% humidity. Everything above that is a sufferfest.


Re: Finger. Right back atcha. It's 10 degrees here, beyotch.

Herself, the GeekGirl said...

forgot to mention, pursuant to #1 that Baboo ignored him, that was years ago and so far the universe is fine.

Willie said...

My comment???
Saw the pictures, didn't bother reading it, burning with jealousy and hatred.
I'm sure that was your intent anyway. Hope you enjoyed it, you certainly earned it this year.
Big fat middle finger back at you.... OK and a hug!

Maryland Girl aka Michelle said...

Good Riddance 2010 and Welcome 2011. Happy New Year!

Aka Alice said...

1. I am one blog post behind, but if you send me your address, I will absolutely send you a new pink puma hat (or I'll send it to your school...I do know how to find these things).

2. You certainly deserve a vacay

3. I'm sorry about Glaven (and by extension SQ).

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