"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Ahhhh, Winter!

Stupid, fucking Winter.

Or as I like to call it, The Season of Snot.

Some of you are gasping at the statement, saying "How could you hate the season that brings crisp, clean air, quiet snow covered mornings, and inspires friends and family to gather around a roaring fire and reflect on the beauty of it all?"

It is pretty easy, really.

It is cold, dark, wet, miserable, and I am horridly allergic to winter and all of its climate controlled, indoor living.

For example, if you invite me over for a roaring fire in your home, better make sure the plastic slip covers are in place. I am second only to Saint Bernards in the ability to cover everything as far as the eye can see in a fine patina of mucus.

Yes, SQ, this is an English Bulldog, but its funny so I used it anyway.

Reasons I hate winter:

1. I spend the winter with a resting heart rate of 125 bpm from all the decongestants I have to take to be able to breathe out of, at most, one nostril at any given time.

2. I am constantly asked "Are you sick?" If I answer "No, I have allergies," I get the 'you are full of shit' look because everyone assumes allergies are a spring time gig. So I usually answer, "Yes, I have Dengue Fever, but the doctor says I am most likely not contagious anymore." (I substitute the Flu du jour if there is one in the news to induce extra fast fleeing from me. Aside: Hubby sent me that link. Hilarious.)

3. I sleep with Kleenex stuffed up at least one nostril to keep from drowning in the pool of my own snot created by an unobstructed 'down' nostril when I lay on my side.

4. It is cold. [insert eyerolls from East Coast persons]

I live in and love California. Therefore, by definition, I hate weather. Specifically weather that strays outside of the '75 degrees and 0% humidity' zone. Here in California, we avoid weather at all costs, trying to maintain as close to an endotherm level of homeostasis as possible. A couple of degrees + or -, fine. Go beyond that and we start pissing and moaning and stamping our little crunchy granola, hippy feet.

Yesterday it was 36 degrees at 8:30 in the morning. The sun was up for Christ's sake!

*stamps little crunchy granola, hippy foot*

I emailed a friend to bemoan the fact that I had to wear a coat to work. He essentially told me to stop being such a pissy, little bitch.

Umm.... dude, it was not a sweatshirt or fleece, it was an actual COAT!

Ok, I will stop.

5. It gets dark at like 2:30 in the afternoon. (ok, that is a slight exaggeration, but it sure feels that way.)

6. I think my feelings for winter can be summed up by the simple chemical reaction:

RBR + Cold + 2Dark + 5Allergies -----------------> 3Lack of exercise + 4Ass size increase + 3Moody Bitch

I almost can not believe how perfect this picture is, only reconfirming my belief that Google images is powered by God.


The hip is improving and I have set my sights on a few runs: (I am over calling them "races". I am very frequently last. If I am 'racing' I supremely suck at it. )

December 11: Summit Rock 10k (chosen for its uber cute, if not geographically correct, Eagle logo)

January 8: Crystal Springs 11 mile (chosen because Woodside is beautiful and Coastal trail runs have cute t-shirts)

January 29: Coyote Hills 1/2 marathon (chosen because Jo Lynn is doing it and she is adorable!)

February: TBD

March 12: If I get in, Way too Cool 50k (chosen due to beautiful trail and AWESOME frog logo. There is a lottery, so kind of a long shot)


Lou said...

For the record, no one in Chicago is question your hate of Winter. We get it (x 10).

Lou said...

For the record, no one in Chicago is questioning your hate of Winter. We get it (x 10). ;)

sherijung said...

I thought I'd de-lurk to commiserate with you about winter allergies. I have been hacking and sniffling for the last 6 weeks, and I'm on a prescription corticosteriod! At least it keeps me breathing through my nose...maybe we're allergic to dead leaves?

So NOT a stalker, but I'm doing Summit Rock 10K too (with my 17 year old, who will most likely leave me behind on the downhill half. He is too young to fear the pain of a face plant).

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Or as I like to call it, The Season of Snot.

Some of you are gasping at the statement, saying "How could you hate the season that brings crisp, clean air, quiet snow covered mornings, and inspires friends and family to gather around a roaring fire and reflect on the beauty of it all?"

Actually, I'm gasping because I originally misread that sentence, thinking you said you hated pecker snot, which I thought a bit gross and beyond the pale. (It also explains why you're childless.)

But now I see you just said snot, so that's perfectly acceptable. But now I gotta wonder ... why no kids?

Now stop being a whiny little b*tch and MAN UP about the weather already! You catch more pecker snot with honey than vinegar!

Okay, sorry. That was gross and beyond the pale.

I don't like how the days get so short in winter, either. Fucking midget days!

Good luck with the hip and the upcoming races!

Kris said...

Agree that winter and short days totally suck ass. All I want to do is eat and sleep. And also agree that Jo Lynn is adorable. :)

Kate Geisen said...

Your remark about usually being last is heartening to me bc I'm getting ready for a trail race (which I signed up for in large part, bc of lingering jealousy of your great trail pics) in which I am fully expecting to be last. Being slow on uphills is bad enough, but being a huge chicken on downhills pretty much seals my fate. Oh, well. Coming in last beats sitting on the couch.

Keith said...

Come to Calgary. You will never again in your life complain about California weather. Colder than Chicago, and drier than the desert. And darker. I write this at 3:25pm my time, and the sun is almost down. It's dark till about 8am.

So quitcher bitching!

Oh, and our climate is either very very good for allergy sufferers, or very very bad. No telling in advance.

So, when do you arrive?

fitmacdaddy said...

I don't think that is a balanced equation. Whiny biologist :)

IronSnoopy said...

It's 8 degrees outside my door. EIGHT.

But I don't begrudge your California livin'. No question, winter blows no matter where you live, unless you live in a volcano.

Only...6 more months! (At least in Chicago).

Ever see the Chris Farley SNL Commercial for Hybernol? You need some of that.

K said...

I loved the visual of your snot running out of your 'down nostril' while you sleep. I have the same icky issue. I often will sereptitiously change pillows with hubby. :) If CIM goes ok, i'm in the lotto for WTC50k too.

Diana said...

One week with me over here in WI and I'll turn your pissy, whiny, bitchy attitude around!
BTW, I have an offer for you but I'll get to you about it later......

Tricia said...

EEK! feeling lucky I dont suffer from the same affliction

Fat for a Triathlete said...

I am totally on your side of the winter hatred. Luckily, here in Australia, we've just finished winter and headed into summer.

Pity it's turned into monsoon season and is pissing down with rain, but I am sure the warm, clear summer is coming... :(

Christi said...

I hate winter also! I don't know why I live in Colorado!

Lindsay said...

this dark at 2:30pm thing really sucks. i'd be much more tolerable of the cold if it would at least stay light until 8pm.

allergies in the winter - i get you. i have allergies 370 days of the year. i don't really care if people at work don't believe me and think i have the plague instead - less people coming over to bother me! :)

Aka Alice said...

LMAO at having to leave the house in an "actual COAT". I had to do that one morning this week (with gloves and a scarf!) and it pissed me off!!!!

I get change of temperature allergies. When it's 70 during the day and 36 at night, it KILLS me. I'm a huge fan of allegra.

Nice race calendar!

KJ said...

I am from California (and vacationing there next week...Whoot!) and now live in Maryland. I blame my California background on my true hate of east coast winter. I hate cold. I hate snow. I hate ice and wind. I am freezing from October to May and wish I could hibernate. I feel ya.

PunkRockRunner said...

If this was an attempt at a “sexy” blog post you failed miserably although I do think Glaven Q. Heisenberg may have become aroused my all this talk of snot (just a guess).

On the plus side (or is it size?) we’ll be seeing each other at the Summit race on the 10th (I was able to guilt that fast girl from your neck-of-the-woods into running the half) and I’m entering the Too Cool lottery thing too (although I just found out they have no medal or belt buckle).

Later Snotty!!


Ewa said...

There is something about this time of year that makes us all a bit off no matter where we live (OK, exclude the tropics).
When I moved to CA I could not understand all those warm jackets and coats when temps dropped below 60. After a few years I am wearing those too.

Carolina John said...

your pussy california winter can kiss my deep southeastern US winter's ass. We're only getting up into the 50's in Raleigh this week. booofoooooo.

Jo Lynn said...

Winter = COLD. Therefore, I hate winter!! ;)

Katie A. said...

I am done being cold, too! I'm such a pansy!
Yayyyyy! I'm doing the Dec 11th one, too! We will be reunited! This time, I'm buying your breakfast!
Miss you! Hope all is well!

The un-Zen Runner said...

I hate winter because of #5. WTF is daylight savings besides an excuse my make my live suck in the evenings for an extra hour??

I'd rather it get light at noon than dark at 5pm. I say we do that. Noon to 9pm is light. Not this BS dark sh@t when I get off work. Boo.

SteveQ said...

"It's funny so I used it."

Story of my life.

SteveQ said...

St. bernard drool: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzprdwH-kAM&feature=related

Herself, the GeekGirl said...

Are you at least visiting Rocky? Hmm? Well, sorry to hear about the snot. I find that 12 hour sudafed in the AM and nasal decongestant spray at night is my friends. Are my friends? Whatever.

There's a LOTTERY? Goddamn it. That is not fair. That race is on my birthday! So if you get in, then you have to carry a big poster honoring me.


doctorval said...

I hate it too. I've got four big dogs that want to go out and then in and then out and then in. And are now covered with mud so they're pouting in their crates. And my left nostril is impassible. And my left eye is full of eye snot. And I'm not sick either.

But the benefit of being self employed is when I noticed the warm sun basking my little landscape up here in Concord, I got on my bike and went for a training ride. I don't hate winter. I hate the cold and the rain.

Regina said...

You have created a visual nightmare for me with all of your mucous-ness. I think I will never sleep again despite the shortened days!

I do hate the dark mornings...no running; even the thugs don't sleep in NYC and I like all my whatever exactly where they are.

Jane said...

oh boo - you're not doing RR? I'm not either, but I thought I'd cheer you on if you were.

2 Slow 4 Boston said...

Just found your blog. Love it! You are one funny bitch. ☺

BrianFlash said...

Winter does in fact suck.