Lots of condescending emails throughout the day about how to use your alarm code and how you should not arrive before 5 am if you are too fucking stupid to operate the alarm
2. Your teenage students suddenly become HILARIOUS. I mean, laughing so hard you are crying, with snot pouring out your nose level HILARIOUS.
"Ummm... are you ok, Ms. R? Should we call the office?"
3. The janitor finds you at 4 pm on Friday afternoon, with your head down on the desk, eyes wide open, yet oddly unresponsive.
"Ummm... are you ok, Ms. R? Should I call the office?"
4. You decide at 3 am to Google people from high school that you would not cross the street to piss on if they were on fire. Yes, this includes my ex-boyfriend. They are all doing AWESOME, by the way.
Super. That is exactly what I was hoping.
5. A burned out light bulb makes you try to choke the lamp and call it names that would make a Hell's Angel blush.
No, SQ, I do not think a lamp can really be a c#*k$ucker. I am just saying...
(you know it is bad when I use symbols)
6. The thought of purchasing a new lamp shade (see #5) is too overwhelming, so you throw out the lamp and sit in the dark.
"Ummm... honey, what happened to the lamp?"
"It broke."
7. You become convinced that insomnia is the purgatory you deserve for your former life as a drug addict, since now you can not take medication to help you sleep.
Sorry, doll, you used up all your sleeping hours passed out. Now you get to be awake FOREVER.
15 comments:
I just wrote about getting a good night's sleep for a change! I find that my brain just skips things when tired; I got my phone bill, which was twice what it should be, then saw that they said I didn't pay the last one - so I looked it up, and THEY WERE RIGHT! - somehow, groggy head decided that my credit score wasn't quite low enough.
I also find Craig Ferguson hilarious when I haven't slept. Not so much otherwise...
btw, that first kitty photo's the first one I laughed hard at. And I slept well, so it's funny!
I think somebody should call the office.
Get some sleep, if you can.
ROFL! Sorry, you put it so well ;) Hope you can get some rest! Only a few weeks until Thanksgiving break! Ha! Hang in there chica - sending a big hug to you!
I forced myself to go to bed last night at 8:45. I woke up this morning at 7:15 and still felt tired. I think that tonight I'll do the same thing. My wife calls me a c&*k S#ck%r when I don't get enough sleep and she's almost always a nice gal. I would definitely not try and test the "Lamp as c&*k S#ck%r" hypothesis however! Not even on one of your ex high school friends. Get some rest!
I know from this post you could definitely use a hug, but this made me frickin' laugh my water out my nose! Those pictures are the best, but I'm a cat fan so that helps-I will be stealing them by the way!
I hope you can get some sleep-feel better soon!!!
You threw a perfectly good LAMP away?!1? Man! You suck and what do you think? That lamps grow on fucking trees? When I was growing up, we had to stick wicks in PIG FAT for light, and we'd have given our left nuts for a lamp, no matter how defective, only we couldn't FIND our left nuts because we HAD NO LIGHT!1!
And here you just throw one away! (<-- I mean a lamp, not a left nut.)
How do you sleep at night?
O, right. You don't.
Hahahahahaha! Sorry, sister, but as a fellow insomniac, I had to do that. Actually, as a total dick I had to do that. As a fellow insomniac, I probably should have been more sensitive.
Maybe next time.
But seriously, feel better sister. And get some SLEEP!
P. S.: Helpful hint to all your male readers out there: Be sure to unplug the lamp before you try to get it to s*#k your c*#k. Trust me on this. Voice of experience.
Ow. Glad you can enjoy the humor of your kids, but you need some rest! Try melatonin (natural product, nonaddictive). Take care of yourself, ok?
Cynthia
ugggh i hate insomnia. good luck... hope you get some sleep soon. what's the big deal about the school alarm at 5am? how do other teachers know if they aren't even there?
I guess finding your students snot-dripping hillarious is an upside to insomnia.
When the kids were little, The Wild Thornburys or Rugrats (Nickelodeon cartoons) would be a guaranteed nap, every time.
I'll bet NOBODY else will offer that suggestion :-)
Hang in there
your sleep may be all messed up, but your sense of humor is still intact. :-)
Glad you liked the bad photo of me; it's no riding a camo 4 wheel'r, but it should keep me doing sit-ups and maybe cut down on the crullers.
You've used up all your sleeping hours being passed out. LOVE IT!
Maybe you aren't exercising enough? ;)
I have the opposite problem; I could sleep easily, there just never seems to be enough hours to do it.
Earlier this week, I entered the code into my garage keypad 3 times before I realized the garage wasn't closing with that code. For some reason, the right code popped into my brain and - success! - door closed.
Thirty minutes later, I was still trying to figure out what that damn code was for.
I got to work, started to make a long-distance call, and it hit me.
I had been trying to close my garage door with my long-distance code.
I understand tired.
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