"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Ride Report: Bike 4 Breath - Foster City, CA

Jo Lynn asked me if I wanted to do this ride about a month ago (I realize I always say "about a month ago" and, honestly, I don't know when any of this shit happened.) I asked LA Run Buddy if she wanted to join us and she said she was in!


Total distance:
65.25 miles
Total ride time:
Total climb:
3200 ft. (from the ride sheet. I forgot my Gamin. I know, sacrilege)

Bike 4 Breath is a fundraiser for Breathe California which is an organization that"promote[s] lung health and clean air polic[ies] in the greater Bay Area" (no, I don't know what that means they do either. I just copied it from the website. Whatever. I am sure they do good stuff)

The girls getting ready to head out. I just LOVE the fact that I am the only one sporting the uber cute melon head look.

It seemed an apropos ride for me to do, since the only reason I do any of this fitness stuff is because when I was diagnosed with asthma 6 years ago my pulmonologist told me that if I did not change my sedentary, 'work/go to school/study/sleep-ish/work more' lifestyle, he predicted I would be hauling around an oxygen tank to breathe by age 50. Sooo not cute.

It took me about a year after that before I decided, "Hey, I NEVER exercise, I can not run for more than 3 minutes, have not swum since high school, and the only use my $25 bike in the garage has is as a laundry rack for the last 15 years, I think I will do a triathlon!" the rest, as they say, is history.

Jo Lynn had her own reasons for riding today.

We had a slightly rocky start when we went off course only 2 miles into the ride. I do have to say that other than this one problem, the course markings for this ride were excellent, but the written ride sheet was ridiculously bad. It relied on in depth, insider knowledge of the local area to decipher the turns. Here is a direct quote from the ride sheet:
"Turn left on bike pedway that leads under the fashion Bridge overpass. After riding under overpass, continue on bike path "T" intersection, veer left toward Point Royal park. At the "Y' intersection after Point Royal Park, look for the rock with THREE oblique angles, two of these angles must NOT be acute angles. There will be a duck on top of the rock. Ask the duck where the fuck to go next."
Ok, I made up the part about the rock and the duck, but goddamn.

Finally on the bike pedway ( I guess 'pedway" is more politically correct and does not discriminate against those traveling by foot, like the archaic term "bike path" *eyeroll*)

Anyhoo, the ride was beautiful and for most of it the weather stayed pretty cool. It can be hotter than a mofo out there, but we got lucky yesterday.

As you know, when I ride I am ALL about safety, so all of my pictures were taken while riding. Usually in traffic.

Taken over my head and shooting behind me. LA Run Buddy was saying, "that is not going to work" HA!

Jo Lynn action shot

LA Run Buddy aka, 'the Yellow Blurr' ( I LOVE this picture. She cracks me up)

My white pelicans are back! Side note of snarkiness: Jo Lynn and LA Run buddy dropped me like a bad habit when I stopped to take this picture.

About 40 miles in LA Run Buddy and I hear Jo Lynn scream and see her grab at her shirt. Apparently, a bee (hereafter referred to as the LBA, 'luckiest bee alive' You will just have to trust me on this one) flew into her sports bra. I rode up along side her and tried to help her dislodge the LBA. We were both clipped into our pedals and could not stop without falling over. Jo Lynn tells me to grab her shirt to get the bee out, but I can't do that without causing us to wreck (I know, missed opportunity. G may never forgive me) so I just grabbed her handle bars and stopped us both and she was able to free the LBA, but sadly not before the little bastard stung her.

Yes, where you think. Ouch.

[No, there are no pictures. Big pervs!]

During the ride, we saw several couples riding together on this beautiful day. How sweet and romantic, right?

Well, I am here to tell you there were several men in this category that I can assure you DID NOT get any that night. I have done enough of these endurance events and have seen enough couples that think it would be soooooo fun to run a marathon, ride a century, go on a trail run, etc. together, and many of these end badly.

I decided to help you fellas out. (Ladies, if you can think of any others feel free to add them in the comment section. It is public service we are doing here. God's work, really)

Here is RBR's list of shit NOT to do during an endurance event with your wife, girlfriend, or love interest, if you want to have ANY chance of getting laid in the near future:

1. DO NOT ride or run 20 yards ahead and constantly harp at them to "keep the pace" or say encouraging things like "we are losing time", or "Come on. Are you getting tired, or what?"

2. DO NOT leave them to ride to the top of the climb, stop, look back with your hand on your hip, and watch them struggle up the hill, only to ride off when they get within 20 feet of you.

3. DO NOT constantly (or even occasionally) spout off pace calculations, and inform your partner of how much faster they need to run/ride in order to hit YOUR time goal for the event.

4. DO NOT skip aide stations or rest stops to make up time unless your partner suggests it. And if she does, the correct response is "Damn. You are so hardcore!"

Ego or sex. You decide. You only get to have one after an endurance event with your partner.

[steps off soapbox]

It was a great ride with some great ladies!

Relay for Life

Later that night I went to support my Run Buddy at Relay for Life, which is a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. She was the overnight chaperone for our school's Key Club. (Yes, she is a fucking SAINT. You will never see me doing an overnight chaperone gig with high school students EVER and she did it in the fucking SUMMER. Saint, I tell you!)

She made my hubby a luminary (a white bag that they put a candle in around the track. Not to sound ungrateful or disrespectful, but paper bag and open flame? Who could have predicted the startling number of luminaries that burned to the ground?)

My hubby got me a radioactive symbol shirt and I wore it in his honor. He wanted me to take a picture of his luminary with me in the shirt.

Ok, I will give you this one, G, I totally look like a dude. I was a little tired.

We walked for about 2 and half hours and then my lazy ass bailed and left her to watch over the cherubs. Such a peach of a friend!

Sunday morning run

LA Run Buddy went out to Baylands to run. She ran 5 miles with me and then went to a World Cup Party and I continued on to run a total of 10 miles. She is still struggling with her knee issues, so this was a nice compromise.

All in all a pretty successful weekend.


Unknown said...

Out here they are taking to liking the term "multi-use trail". Makes me think of a Swiss army knife.

Also, we call those little paper bags either farolitos or luminarias - they are traditional in NM on Christmas Eve. One year at least half of ours caught fire, as did a bush in our front yard. Nothing says "Noel" like your very own burning bush.

Good job on the metric century- looks like fun!

Lindsay said...

suggestion #2. RIGHT ON.

the past 2 weeks i've ridden with josh... he pedals a 1/2 mile in front of me ('cause my bike is heavy, duh) and then sometimes stops to wait on me. except he takes off again once i get there. this isn't only on climbs either.

Christi said...

Great action shots from the bike! I have started doing that as well and it is not very easy. However, so far no bikers or pedestrians have been injured during my stupidity!

Diana said...

I'm going to have to check back on this one just to see what "G" comments!! Sorry, but sometimes-his comments totally make my day!
Love those pics-you are quite the talented rider!
Sweet bag and T-shirt for the Hubby's fight! Rock on! Kick it!

Kate Geisen said...

It is a rare, rare picture that warrants me getting off my bike. Typically, if they aren't good enough while riding, then maybe the next one will be.

Regina said...

that is a stellar weekend. I agree, paper bags + flame = lumi- fuck! the bags on fire!!

Well done on the photos while moving thing; impressive.

Jo Lynn said...

You were so kind to do that ride with me yesterday. Thank you so much! I loved meeting LA Run Buddy too. ;)
I worked eight hours today, which means tons of walking and up and down the stairs. I'm not sure it would have been a good day to run. Good job getting a run in.
I hope to see you again soon, for a run or ride.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I didn't think you looked like a dude in that last pic ... that is, until I saw that boner you evidently got going on there. Note, I didn't say BIG boner - so, a dude, but not much of one.

Hahahahahaha! I'm totally fucking with you, sister! I don't blame you for not being able to get it up after racing for 65 miles!

Ego or sex? I choose sex every time! Good thing you didn't say Eggo or sex, because I'd have to think a while and get back to you.

And if making girls look good by getting beat by them in races is all you need to get laid, I should be one of the most-laid runners in the blogosphere. But guess what? You skirts aren't as sexually attracted to luuuuuzers as you like to pretend. And I've got the unused condoms to prove it.

Did Jo Lynn look like she had a second nipple on the tit she got stung on? Because that would be HAWT! Because when it comes to nipples, the more the merrier, say I!

Great job on the race, B*tch! Do you have races every weekend? it sure seems like it. My next one isn't till August.

And yet my lazy luuuuzerness is still unattractive to you skirts.

Maryland Girl aka Michelle said...

Awesome ride! I like the radioactive t shirt too.

SteveQ said...

Sex after an endurance event? The number of times that's happened to me I could count on the fingers of one hand - if that hand weren't needed for self-gratification, which, let's face it, I'd be too tired for anyway.

[Couldn't read Lisa's comment without imagining a guy named Noel and an STD called "burning bush."]

1980's conversation:
Stacy (lacking that "e"): You really don't know how to talk to women.
Steve: Hey, baby, I can disappoint you in ways you've never even imagined.
Stacy: (warily grinning) Go on.
Steve: Imagine a golf pencil that costs a fortune and which you can never find when you want it. It takes half an hour to sharpen and the lead breaks after ten seconds of use. Even then, it only writes messages like "Your mom called. She says the dog's goiter is back."
Stacy: Nah, that actually kinda works for me, because I was thinking of a BLACK golf pencil!

Formulaic said...

You seriously need less funny friends.

I want to comment but am intimidated by all the funny ass shit that your much witter that me friends have already posted.

So just for those of you who are comically challenged out there just like me (especially on a Monday) here you go:

"Awesome job out there, you are seriously kicking some butt. Constantly hitting the long mileage and the runs too.


There you go, PSA of pathetic-ness. No need to thank me. I am here to serve!

Unknown said...

Hi, this is completely unrelated to your post but I was just looking at your beautiful animals! What sort of dog is Lucy, she looks so friendly with the cats, my partner and I just got a dog and we're hoping we can get her friendly with our kitty!

Anne said...

Good job always getting out there and supporting those you love...

Be forewarned folks, this is not a funny comment.

Sounds like we are on a very similar asthma path...I also developed asthma for the first time in my life in my 40's. And, asthma is the reason I started training and improving my cardio. Thus, the title of my blog "Asthma and the gift of running" :) If it wasn't for the asthma, I know I would not be a runner today and fitter than I've probably ever been in my life...despite the asthma!

S. Baboo said...

Ok, this is completely outside the spirit of your blog but I just had to throw in this PSA about husbands and wives doing endurance events together. The communication and coordination at first is difficult but if you keep talking, and of course having sex, things get way better. Go with the understnading there will probably be some serious bumps along the way but the ultimate goal is mutual enjoyment and the only way to get there is comminucation.

Of course if your relationship is already tenuous then trying to do these things together probably won't help.

I know, totally lame but I've had some really great experiences.

Beckey said...

Or how about this one, from my personal experience:

DO NOT walk behind your running girlfriend, only sprinting to catch up when the uphill part is over. And whatever you do, DON'T follow up that stunt with, "This is easy!"

The proper response is "Fuck you, and that's all the fucking you're going to get."

joyRuN said...

Look, I can take my hand(s) off the handlebars to take action pics while moving!

Show off.

I'm talking my hub into going with me to the next group ride. Sounds like it'll be a great bonding experience.

Herself, the GeekGirl said...

Absolutely sick about your cute pictures. I will be at Rio Del Largo, and I expect you and your camera to make me look as cute as you do in your runs.

Herself, the GeekGirl said...

PS: As a former HA math teacher, I would like to point out the obvious answer to the question, "when are we ever going to use this". So there.

joyRuN said...

To be honest, B called the bike shop to help us. She's the hottie who'd be able to summon the assistance of any straight male within a 20-mile radius.

Me? I'd be able to summon the weirdo dudes who like the Jonas brothers.