Deep Thoughts with RBR

Thoughts on Ironman:

This weekend was Ironman CdA, held in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, also known as the 'home of that stupid fucking lake.' I was joking with people about it being the 'anniversary of my failure.' I was joking, but it was not all that funny to them or me.

It feels remarkably stupid for me to mourn a failure of a race that I, had everything gone exactly according to plan, would have barely made the cut off for. It is a hobby. You do not dwell on a needlepoint that goes badly for a year. Get over it, RBR. I am not a professional athlete. I am not even a kind of good athlete. There are many out there that think people like me should not even be on the course of a race like Ironman (and to all of those people I give a hearty "Fuck you", "Get a life", and a resounding "Worry about your own fucking HOBBY. Ain't no one paying you to do this shit either.")

Despite my embarrassment of dwelling on something as trivial as a race, I have dwelt on it.

Don't get me wrong. I am proud of all the work I did to get ready for Ironman. And really, for a lot of it, I had a blast (the last month or two of IM training sucks ass, no matter how pretty a place you go or how cool the people you meet are, but I digress...) I met some AMAZING people, went to places I had never been. I suffered, I persevered, and had a lot of funny stories to tell of my journey.

Some of the races/events I did training for this that stick out in my mind:

Solvang century (first 100 miler)

Rage in the Sage 1/2 Iron Triathlon

Big Sur Marathon

Grizzly Peaks 74 mile ride

and of course the big event itself: Ironman Coeur d'Alene

Though all of it, I learned I was physically and mentally capable of far more than I would have ever even dreamed of giving myself credit for. I went to races in strange towns alone and met new people. I made friends with creepy internet people (*smirk*) and then met them in real life and realized that I care as much for them as the people I see in my day to day life (in some cases more, we all have our 'assholes' to bear.)

But even with all of that, I still feel the shame of what other people must think about my DNF (stands for 'did not finish', for you fasties that have never had that happen to you)

Hypothetical judgey people that I have created in my mind: "Of course she DNF'd. Look at her. She is a 40 year old ex-smoker, ex-drug addict, that is overweight, and never worked out, EVER until 5 years ago. I mean, what was she thinking trying to do an Ironman?"

Anyhoo.. that is where my mind goes. My mind is not very nice to me a lot of the time.

You may be asking why are we talking about all of this? 1. My blog. I get to talk about whatever I want and 2. I had several of these bloggy friends racing at my nemesis (aka Home of the stupid, fucking lake) this weekend, so it brought up a lot of feelings about all of this. Plus, I had the esteemed honor of tracking them while they raced.

And track I did.

In true RBR style, I did so obsessively. My heart would race and I would feverishly calculate pace and times and swear compulsively as Ironman.com lagged and timed about and (For example, Sarah it had you in T2 for over 30 minutes. I was screaming at my computer. "What are you doing, girl?! Get out of transition!!" Once ironman.com finished juggling it n*ts@ck or whatever the hell it was doing, we found that she was only there for 7 minutes. So my apologies for that.)

My husband got to hear me scream "Form is flying on the bike!", "Ron hit the 90 mile bike split!", "Sarah crossed the half mary split!!" All. Day. Long. I would not leave the computer and felt the need to inform him of every pace calculation I made, and how much time they needed to get to the next timing mat. A patient man, that Mr. RBR, a patient man indeed.

Side note: Cool pace calculator if you ever find yourself in a similar, obsessive, online stalking situation

Team Dork Rocket Pace Calculator

I must admit, that I was concerned that watching others do what I could not would make me feel worse about the whole thing, but honestly, I was so proud to know people so strong and so brave that they we willing to put it all on the line and attempt what sounds impossible to most of the population. I was so excited for them to be out there celebrating all of their hard work.

And, frankly, it made me a little prouder of myself as well. How big of a deal would it have been if I knew at the start that I would make it? The last 900 yards of that swim was physically the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I still finished it knowing full well that my race day was mostly likely done anyway. I finished the bike course in the rain, even after they took my timing chip. I did not leave that course until they made me. I may not be an official Ironman, but in attempting the "impossible" I finally felt like an athlete.

You do not have to be fast to be an athlete, you do not have to do an Ironman (or even attempt one) to be an athlete, you just have to be brave enough to see what you are made of physically by taking a few risks, and stop caring what anyone will think of you for trying. I always say. "if you do not want to see my fat ass run, run faster, then you won't see it anymore."

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone."

~ Bill Cosby

Go tell Formulaic what a BEAST he is. He is a generous friend, loving husband and father (to the cutest baby in the free world, IMHO) and IRON 4 times over.

Once Ron (PunkRockRunner), gets over his post IRON glow and gets his race report up I will link to it. He is hilarious and promised to get revenge for me on that stupid fucking lake. I think a 1:25:30 Ironman swim is about as big a FUCK YOU as you can give to a lake. Thanks, man. I feel avenged.