Barb's Race Number

My number is 1584. No promises.

I have nothing to say. I am not feeling as confident as I would like.





Although knowing G approves of my trunk does make me feel a little better. Only get that kind of junk with two X chromosomes, my friend.

Game. Set. Match.

Off to Barb's Race!

How do you recover from a pretty crappy marathon?

With a half-iron triathlon, of course!

I am off to pick up LA Run Buddy and head up to Barb's Race. You may remember last years Barb's Race was, well, ... let's just say, NOT blazing fast. My goal is to beat last year's time of 9:22:16. Yeesh. I am hoping I can at least handle that.

My back up goal, as always, is to finish the race with a smile and have a fun weekend with my buddy.

Me and LA Run Buddy after Windman Last year

They have athlete tracking. I am almost hesitant to post this since I feel like I still owe a lot of you for the day of your life you will never get back from tracking me at IMCdA, but here it is:

Barb's Race Athlete Tracking


I will post my number when I get it tomorrow.

I hope you all have a FAB weekend!

Race Report: San Franscisco Marathon - July 26, 2009

Alternative title: My heart is fine, but I left my ass in San Francisco. And my knees, and my quads, and my hip flexors, ...

As per usual I must tell a lead in story before we actually get to the marathon report. Don't act surprised. Here is the quick and dirty

SF marathon stats:

Official time: none (lost my fucking chip. Can you believe that?!)
Total Garmin time: 5:54 (sadly, NOT a personal worst, but pretty damn bad)
Total Garmin distance: 26.7 (we will get to that. Oh yes, we will.)

Pre wedding madness and SFM Expo

As some of you may remember my best friend and Run Buddy was getting married on the Saturday before the race so I had planned to go to the race expo on Friday and I was going to be lucky enough to meet up with several bloggy buddies there. Well, best laid plans and all.

The first panicked bride call came at 7 am, followed by about 10 others. (That part is true, but I have highly dramatized the following conversations for, well, dramatic effect, and I like making fun of her 'cuz I am so sweet. :o) )

Run Buddy Bridezilla: I lost the bubbles! Who has a fucking wedding without bubbles?! The wedding is off!
RBR: It's ok, I will get some bubbles

*We had three more calls exactly like this over two different types of ribbon, favor cards, and a hole punch.

Run Buddy: We can't fit the ice in the car! We will have warm drinks! We can not have warm drinks! The wedding is off!
RBR: It's ok, I can get ice tomorrow on my way

Run Buddy Bridezilla: There is no iron at the house! The groom's shirt looks like he packed it in a fucking sandwich bag! What is wrong with him?! The wedding is off!
RBR: It's ok, I will bring an iron

Between that, a meeting with my nutritionist, and lunch with an old friend I was running WAY late for the expo. I had expected to miss everyone.

But I DIDN'T!!

L to R: Roadbunner (she PR'd the hell out of that badboy yesterday), Tara (Another SFM birthday girl) aron (even MORE fucking gorgeous than her blog pictures, but I still liked her ;o)) Moi (Ugh. Mental note: Do NOT take full body pics with skinny bitches), and PunkRockTriGuy (HIL-AR-I-OUS! Love him!)

After the expo I did a grand tour of not less than five 'Dollar' stores and party supply places to find wedding bubbles. It is August and apparently wedding season is at an end. I ended up with these:

This is the picture I texted to Run Buddy. Thankfully, she had regained her characteristic good humor by then

There were actually four colors: Red -Stegosaurus, Orange-Brontosaurus, Purple - Tricerotops, and Blue - Tyranosaurus Rex.

Super classy!

Wedding Day

The morning was insane since I had to pick up three things that needed to remain cold: the cakes, the flowers, and 80 pounds of ice. Then there is the issue of driving all this from SJ to Moss Landing (normally 45 minutes) when every other asshole from the valley wants to get to the beach or to Redneckfest 2009 also known as the Gilroy Garlic Festival.

2 hour 10 min later I arrived in Moss landing practically frozen solid from the air conditioning I used to keep the cakes from melting and flowers from wilting.

Isn't she beautiful!! I don't know why I look like I am sucking on lemons.


They even surprised me with a birthday cake. I can not even express to you how wonderful this woman is and how much she means to me.

Unfortunately, my Maid of Honor duties included a lot of running around and I was a stupid girl and wore these shoes

A fact I would not forget for 26.7 miles the next day

Race Morning

I drove into the city since I live close, but with an early start I had to get up at 2:30 am leave by 3:30 am to get there around 4:30 am.

I had gone to bed at 12:30 the night before, so... yeah.

I was up late getting my outfit ready because this may be how a demure, pretty, little 27 year old celebrates her birthday at a marathon...

Tara turned 27 on Sunday and from what I heard through the grapevine rocked the hell out of her race!

This is how the 40 year old ME celebrates her birthday at a marathon..

When you are cute and 27 you get plenty of attention. At 40 you have to be a little more aggressive to get some.

In the parking lot I met this really cool, WAY hardcore triathlete named Russ that was going for a BQ time on the SF course. He helped me find the race start and we chatted in the port-o-potty line.

SFM Profile. I am no expert, but this doesn't look like your typical BQ course to me

I told him that I would be thinking about him and would send him good vibes at 9:00am when he should be finishing to qualify. (I actually was feeling like SHIT at 8:59am, so I stopped to send him a "I hope you are sprinting to the finish right now!" email from my Blackberry. He cracked up when he got home and read it. Unfortunately, no BQ for him "only" 3:48. Christ, who ARE these people I talk to?!)

Then I got a text from Penny (Southbay Girl), about 10 seconds later we were squealing like little girls!

Penny and Crack-eye Joe (what is up with me in the morning?)

Not long after Willie and his buddy Bill come up and give us a big hug and there was more little girl screaming. Ok, that was just Willie, but I could tell that Bill wanted to. ;o) We all meandered over to the Wave 4 start.

Miles 0-13

In the starting corral I realized I was not wearing my timing chip. So I look at my number (they were stickers attached to the numbers) and no chip. WTF? Who loses a sticker?

Me, apparently.

Oh well. I guess I am running this bitch all unofficial like. Whatever.

Willie, Mr. sub-four hour marathoner starts fluttering about how he isn't ready for this and that he was thinking about just running it with me (lest you forget, dear reader, I am a way OVER-5 hour marathoner) Yeah, pretty hilarious. He lasted all of about 25 feet before he glanced back over his shoulder said "Have a good run!"

Sorry darlin' I just don't think you have what it takes to run a 5 + hour marathon

With that, he and Mr. 'Speedy Pants' Bill were off like the proverbial prom dress. Penny was doing the half marathon and we decided to run it together. Woo hoo!!

I could tell pretty early on that it was not going to be my day. I have toe issues

Bunions! They are not just for octogenarians anymore!

Goddamn those cute, narrow shoes of the 80's

and my feet were very sore like they get at mile 23, only it was mile 3. I knew I had a long day ahead. However, Penny and I had a blast! We were taking pictures, freezing our asses off on the bridge, ... oh wait , that was just me. Penny is a freak and loved it.

I am working WAY too hard and suffering WAY too much for mile 3, but we look cute right?

Running over the bridge was kind of cool, but it was so foggy that you, honestly, could not tell it was even a bridge. It was like running on any ol' road. A wet slippery road that was really crowded.

Penny and the bridge. You can barely make out one of the towers behind her in the fog. Lame.

We saw Willie and Bill on the bridge (they were about 3 miles ahead of us. Whatever. Stupid fast people) They screamed Happy Birthday and Run Bitch Run! It was AWESOME! Thanks guys!

At mile 10 we ran into a Velcro doppelganger and we stopped to say hello! (Velcro is Penny's dog)

Puppy kisses during a marathon are ALWAYS appreciated!

At this point I was seriously considering just saying "Fuck it" and crossing the half marathon finishing line with Penny and being done with it. We ran on into Golden Gate park and only sheer stubbornness and ego made me go right at the Half-Full split and continue on by myself for the next 13.2 miles.

Bye Penny. *sniff*

Miles 13.1-20

Slog. Slog. Slog.

At mile 19, there is the first half finish line again. Internal dialog: "Fuck this I should bail. Fuck this I should bail. Oh, fuck it, I will keep going."

Slog. Slog. Slog

Miles 20-26.7

Mile 20 runs down the famous Haight Street. Referred to as THE Haight by cool kids in the know. Let me fill you in on the truth about THE Haight. It is a SHITHOLE. It is not edgy and bohemian. It is a drug addict filled, SHITHOLE and tops the charts as one of the places you are most likely to get mugged and beaten death for 12 dollars.

I had to step over a passed out junkie to get this picture and my husband's response to it was "Man, you look tired" Thanks, babe.

After we got off Haight, the diversions started. The first time I came to an intersection and was told by the volunteers to go in a different direction than everyone I had seen before me I thought it was odd. The fourth time, I started to get a little pissed. Each time I noticed the mile markers got a little farther apart. So the whole "it is the same distance as the regular course" thing was bullshit. It was mostly the same distance, but when you get diverted at every opportunity it apparently adds half a mile. You may think "what the hell is she bitching about? She ran 26.2 miles and she doesn't want to run extra half mile?"

No. No, I fucking don't.

Finally we got back to the water which meant that I only had about 2 miles to go. Just about everyone around me was suffering. A pretty fit looking guy and I were passing each other at regular intervals. He would run, limp, walk. I would run, swear, walk.

When we hit the mile 26 marker I said "Thank sweet baby Jesus" and he said "Where was he at mile 15 when this started sucking" Hoo! That made me laugh REALLY hard. Like not-able-to-run hard. If you are out there dude, good show, good show!

And then 5 hours and 54 minutes and 26. 7 miles after I started I finally crossed the damn finish line. Sheesh.

Penny was there for me at the finish line and we rousted Willie and Bill from their slumber to come have lunch.

Thank you guys for an awesome birthday marathon!

I hope I don't get traded in for 2 twenties...

It is official. Today, I am 40

Honestly, I look, feel, and act younger than I did when I was 20. (ok, the 'look' part is a big, fat lie, but stay with me here people) I am pretty stoked about it. For the most part, my 20's sucked ass. My 30's were about growth, change, and empowerment and, really, a hell of a lot of fun. I expect the 40's to be where I take the empowerment of my 30's and run with it.

If you thought I was obnoxious before, hoo wee, you best delete blog this from your Reader right now!


For my lady friends:

In a random Google search for silly images, I found this article about why women should celebrate turning 40 and I liked it. It talks about a conversation with Oprah about turning 40 (Yes, even though I hardly ever watch her show, I worship at the 'Alter of Oprah'. I think she is amazing, inspiring, and deserves everything wonderful thing she has in her life. If you think or know different don't tell me. Some heroes should just remain heroes. Thank you)

Anyhoo, it ends with a Turning 40 - Top 40 List. It was written as a list of all things a black woman should have and have done by 40 and no, I am not a black woman (pick yourself up off the floor Lindy I know you are shocked ;o) ) but I thought it was a very cool list so I am posting it unedited.

The top 40 - why women should celebrate turning 40 - Column

Ebony, August, 1997 by Laura B. Randolph

1.) Peace of mind (and a piece of property).

2.) A will.

3.) Willpower.

4.) A savings account in your own name (and an IRA in the name of your future security).

5.) A mammogram.

6.) A manicure (not to mention a pedicure, a facial and a massage--all on the same day).

7.) A set of matching luggage.

8.) A ticket to some exotic place to unpack it.

9.) A great hairdresser, gynecologist and stockbroker.

10.) A passionate, fiery, unforgettable love affair.

11.) A little black dress that makes you look five pounds thinner.

12.) A sense of humor, style and purpose.

13.) A selfish streak.

14.) A spiritual foundation that gets you through a very bad night without going crazy.

15.) A facial foundation that gets you through a very long day without going ashy.

16.) A good bra.

17.) A good spa.

18.) A library card (used often).

19.) A credit card (used sparingly).

20.) At least one person in your life who says: "You call, I come."

21.) Good body language (multilingual!).

22.) A broken heart and the knowledge you can survive it.

23.) A cause celebre (domestic violence, infant mortality, save the whales--your choice).

24.) A personal relationship with God.

25.) A personal trainer.

26.) Selective amnesia ("What Saturday morning meeting?").

27.) Gall.

28.) A good skin-care regimen.

29.) The ability to converse on any subject without benefit of concrete knowledge or access to facts.

30.) A shocking secret.

31.) A pair of silk pajamas.

32.) A lifetime membership in at least one organization dedicated to uplifting Black folks (e.g., National Council of Negro Women, the NAACP).

33.) The phone number of someone who is good with their hands.

34.) At least one drop-dead, don't-speak-to-me-because-you-know-you-don't-know-me gorgeous photo of yourself.

35.) A friendship that has stood the test of time.

36.) One last chance to tell the guy you were crazy about in your 20s who treated you like cigarette ashes on the floor what you were too dumb to know when he walked out with your heart in his hands: "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

37.) A soul mate.

38.) Faith, hope and a good fantasy.

39.) A dream.

40.) A plan to make it come true.

Let's go kick some ass ladies. No matter what your age today!

Vegas Baby!

I have been looking for an excuse to go see the cutest baby in the free world

This picture so cute it actually makes my ovaries hurt.

Oh yeah, and his parents and a few other AWESOME Nevadans! Well, our very own Ms. IronJane has provided just the right excuse

December 6,2009

It is on baby!

*Beautiful baby picture was stolen from his mommy's site, who I believe is now cleared for exercise and a 1/2 mary sounds like a perfect new goal to me. I am just saying...

Customer Service

Dear Carolina John,

You so graciously offered to help me with my computer troubles. I hate to impose, but I think I will, indeed, need your services. It seems that I am ONCE AGAIN having trouble with my BRAND NEW computer. So what I need is for you to rub out some Best Buy employees. Rub out, whack, off, fit for a pair of cement boots, whatever you IT mafioso guys are calling it these days. And don't go denying that you IT folk are all mobbed up. Just because we are all a bunch of idiots that entrust our ENTIRE LIVES to a plastic box of electronic shit when we have NO fucking idea how it works and we call you crying that our computer has "crashed" (the only semi-industry term we know) when actually we have stepped on the power strip it is plugged into and turned the fucker off, doesn't mean that we aren't wise to your "connections."

Anyway back to the whacking. The aforementioned employees can be found at the Customer Service Desk, also known as the "Bend Over and Take it Like a Man" Desk. They will be explaining to some chump, I mean, customer, that "Yes, we are aware we sold you a defective piece of shit, but it has been more than 14 days so you are fucked."

The timeline is entirely up to you. You may want to wait a couple of days though. Some crazy chick in a pink baseball cap lost her shit there today, so I think the security has been beefed up.

Thanks! You are a gem!
RBR

If the boredom doesn't kill me...

...the unbearable heat or my remarkably bad sense of direction will.

I am in Sacramento this week for an scintillating (see title) conference on learning models and teaching strategies for science. Try to not be jealous.

For those of you not familiar with the climate of Sacramento it is similar to the surface of the sun only drier. We walk all of three blocks to the convention center each morning and I end up looking like I have just run a marathon. No, come to think of it, I actually I look better after I have just run a marathon than I do when I get there.

I will spare you the excruciating details of my conference, but I must let go of one small bitch and then I will move on. I promise.

Why, oh, why, must teachers treat all other adults like children? This week I have spent over 32 hours "modeling" learning strategies. Which means they "teach" me to do things like draw a bubble map (don't ask, it is hugely unimportant) and then I get to make the bubble map. I got to use markers and glue sticks and everything!

Word of advice to teacher educators, when you talk to people like they are 15, they tend to act like it.

I did do a little exercise on Sacramento, so let's focus on that.

Tuesday: Run 5 miles - A Solo Tour of Sketchtown, USA

I had checked out a map of the area so I had an idea of where I wanted to go and I got up to run at 4:30 am. I head out and immediately go the wrong way. Not a good start. I got turned around and finally started to recognize the route I picked on the map. After I headed over the Tower Bridge I noticed a distinct change in the environment and a distinct increase in the number and severity of the homeless and crazy people.

Tower bridge. Very cool drawbridge leading across the American River. It leads from pretty downtown Sacramento to the less scenic West Sacramento
Picture stolen from bprlaw.net

Two and a half miles from your hotel is probably not the best time to figure out that running at 4:30 in the morning in a city that you are not familiar with is not the wisest of ideas. After I ran by my third bum if a full heroin nod, I decided running the full 6 miles was not all that important to me and I headed back to the hotel.

Wednesday: Bike 18 miles - The Bum Slalom

This time I decided to go after the daily conference festivities which was SUPER smart since it was only projected to 103 degrees that day. I tried to drive and park where I thought I could get on the American River Parkway, which is a 20+ mile bike path that I had read about. As you know if you have read this blog more than twice, I can't find my own my ass with both hands, and I was on the wrong side of the river. I did, however get a grand tour of the various homeless encampments along the American River.

Ferry (?) whatever, big ass boat thing, on the American River. The Tower Bridge is in the back. No, I was not brave enough to photograph the homeless encampments.

After 3 miles of back and forth and a lovely conversation with a young man possessing, at most, 4 teeth, no shirt, and pupils the size of quarters, I discovered that I was in fact on the wrong side of the river. It was one of those times when you are doing something and your mind is screaming at you "You should not be talking to this freak. This is how you end up on the news, dumbass!"

At the end of the conversation he did say that I was "looking REAL gooood" so it is nice to know that I am at least still attractive to toothless, gacked out of their mind, meth addicts.

Once I was finally on the bike trail I realized just how fucking HOT it was. The trail only rides along the river for a relatively short time before it gets far enough away to lose the cooling benefits of a large body of water.

Little warm, but finally back at Old Town Sacramento.

There were little pockets of shade but they were more of a teasing "Ha! It could be cooler like this, but it is NOT" than actually lowering your core temp and making you more comfortable. I stopped at a public bathroom and waited my turn in line after a homeless guy to take a bird bath in the water fountain to try to cool off. A little less than 8 miles in I bagged at and turned around. When I got back, my car was still there and no one was sleeping in it so I will take that as a "win."

Now, I am from San Jose and we have our fair share of homeless people, but they are our homeless people and I am fairly comfortable with their level of craziness. Crazy people when you are in a strange town are far more scary. I won't be returning to ride alone in West Sacramento any time soon.