Kicking arse and taking names

I am exhausted and hungry all the time, so I think I should at least get some bragging rights.

January Totals

Run: 87.0 miles
Bike: 230.0 miles
Swim: 10,450 yards

Total number of workouts: 40
Total number of workout hours: 47:28

Screen shot of my training log (click to see larger image)


Can I get a BOO YAH?!


Oh, and some cake...


...and maybe a nap.

Too busy to be Fabulous?

Not I. There is always time to be fabulous!

I may be a day late and a dollar short, but I am finally getting it done.

I was tagged by the lovely Southbay Girl, the vivacious AKAAlice, and the unstoppable Iron "GeekGirl" Misty.

The rules are to list 5 things I am currently addicted to.

1. Running: If you told me even two years ago that I would type such a thing I would have laughed until I coughed up a partially chewed Twinkie.

2. Coffee: This isn't so much an addiction as a physiologic need. I am not a coffee snob. I prefer good coffee, but I will drink anything resembling coffee. I am like your crazy ass aunt Ida, I will heat up yesterday's coffee if there is no other option. Back in the 'broke ass' days, I have reused coffee grinds. More than once. As I have said, it is a need not a want.

3. Logging my workouts on BuckeyeOutdoors.com I will still be panting from my run, but I will fire up the computer to log my miles and time. The letters and numbers are coming off my keyboard from my sweating fingers furiously typing. I know, I know it is not very 'Zen running' or 'exercise for the pure joy of exercise', but I like to see the numbers. Sue me.

4. Talking to or for animals I see on the trail: It regularly embarrasses my LA Run Buddy, but I am incapable of not saying something when I see dogs/feral cats/birds/squirrels/etc. on the trail. She does, however, prefer I talk to them, as in "Hi short stuff!" when I see a little dachshund trot by, but when I talk for the roly poly pug I see on the bike trail and say things like "I am short and fat! Look how cute I am!" it will cause her to dive in the bushes to avoid being seen with me.

5. Really, really bad reality TV: Possibly redundant. Is there really good, or even partially bad reality TV?

Here are the shows that I know the time and airing of and WILL try to adjust my schedule to be home to watch:

DietTribe (New show on Lifetime. I LOVE it! Season finale 10pm on Monday! Sad that I know that.)

Celebrity Fit Club (Has beens that have gotten fat and are now being forced to exercsie by an ex-marine?! You CAN NOT buy that type of entertainment! I am anxiously awaiting the new season)

Celebrity Rehab (The level to which this show makes me happy is wrong. Just wrong. In 'my circle' this is WAY uncool, but I can't help myself ) and the current spin off Sober House (Can you fucking believe there was a spin off?! Double the awesomeness!)

In the interest in total disclosure I will include a partial list of the moronic shows I have watched at least 3 full episodes of and will watch if I come across flipping channels:

The Real Housewives of Orange County (It makes me feel smart and deep. Although I am certain Jessica Simpson watches it for the same reason)

Miami Ink (I tune into be routinely amazed/horrified/amused by what idiots will have permanently drawn on large, visible parts of their body. I actually like tattoos, but DA-AAMN some of that shit is WAY ugly)

LA Ink (Same reason as above except, I think the girl is hotter than the guys of Miami Ink)

And drum roll..... the coup de grâce...

Confessions of a Teen Idol (I know you were wondering who the hell watches this shit. Your kids' high school biology teacher, that's who. Reassuring for the future of America, no?)

Week 4: Pre-Ironman Major Freak Out No. 1

I am certain this will be one of many, but I had a major freak out about Ironman cut off times this week. I don't know if it was because Wednesday marked 5 months until Ironman Coeur d'Alene, or if the reality of my slowness coupled with the calculations of the pace required to meet the IM cutoffs finally sunk in, but

I. Freaked. Out.

It seems like the timing was mutual for a friend of mine.

Ironically, the incident that sparked the furious calculations was my first victory in the pool at the dreaded swim masters. But before I tell you the victory, I want to get honest about swim masters.

I know I have told you that I am the slowest person at swim masters, but honestly everyone says shit like that about their weakest sport and then posts race times where they come in first in their age group. Well, I am so slow at masters I have my own lane. Thank God another guy showed up that sucks almost as much as me, so he is now in my lane.

Seriously, I get there late because of school and the rest of the swimmers reserve this lane for us. They will be circle swimming four in a lane and we have a double wide lane all to ourselves.

Better yet, the coach gives us a different workout than everyone else. Why? Because we can't hang.

Yep, I am "riding the short bus" of swim masters.

I honestly think the only reason he hasn't told me to go back to pre-masters is because:

1. He was my Team in Training coach, so he feels somewhat obligated to be nice to me.

2. He thinks I am funny.

3. He is, at base, a highly competitive person and I represent the ultimate coach challenge. If he can get ME through an Ironman swim, he will truly be the king of all coaches. An Iron Coach, if you will.


Anyway, back to the victory.

When I started swim masters 3 weeks ago coach had me do a 3 X 100 yd for time with the goal of getting the same time for each to get a baseline. My times were 2:15, 2:18, 2:11. On Tuesday I did a timed 100 yd. swim at the end of the workout, when I was tired, and instructed to go hard, but at a pace I could maintain for a long swim. I did what felt like the same intensity as 3 weeks before, but this time I did it in 2:00. Not a direct comparison, but it is the first positive thing that has happened in masters so I am clinging to it.

I keep having the recurring vision of emerging from the water, seeing the sad faces of my family and friends standing alone on the beach since all the other spectators have moved on to follow their racers on the bike, and a solemn IM volunteer comes over and takes the timing chip off my leg. My Ironman ending at 9:30 in the morning. I don't want to be done in time to have breakfast with my family.

This gets me to swim at masters. Every time I don't want to go (which is every time) I see this in my head and I put on my suit and hop in the "short lane" for another day of humiliation.

Let's say by some miracle I do finish the swim within the cut off the best I can hope for is a 2 hour to 2:15 swim, with a 10 minute transition I am looking at about 8 hours for 112 miles of Idaho hills.

Umm... yeah.

I need to stop thinking about this.

Not to be outdone

I guess I idolize Iron Jane and Steve in a Speedo so much that I needed to follow in their foot steps.

Last night I was hit by a car.

Now don't get too excited. It was a parked car.

Ok, you are thinking "Yeah right RBR. You can't get hit by a parked car." Oh yes, you can. As I ran by, the oblivious 16 year old girl in the passengers side flung (flinged? Whatever.) open her door right in front of me.

*SMACK*

I know. Lame.

I am sure it looked just as cool as it sounds.

But it HURT LIKE HELL. And now my wrist only bends in two directions instead of four. That has to be good for a little street cred, right?

Ok, maybe I will leave out the parked part in the retelling.

I did go to Swim masters today (I soooo wanted to use the wrist as an excuse, but it really didn't hurt when I swam) I took the day off from running my knee is a little swollen and sore (I think this is from running, not from smacking into the minivan door. Although if the lady's lawyer calls I reserve the right to change my story. She actually got out of her car to examine her door as if I had damaged it by being struck by it. Bitch.)

I have found my people!

Today I had my first ride with the new training group I decided to try. It is a training group designed to get women ready for a local women's metric and full century ride in April.

It was awesome.

Yes, I finally had a group cycling event that, not only wasn't horrific, it was enjoyable. Some may even say it was fun. Hale-freaking-llujah!

We had an orientation and then just a 20 mile ride, but I had fun and I met some nice gals. I even met a woman that did her first Ironman at Louisville this year.

This was a true, mixed ability group, unlike all the lying son of a bitch triathlon groups in this area that claim they are mixed ability groups and then drop your ass. Well, they can all just suck it! I found a group for me! Ha! Drop that bitches!

This time I was actually the front of the back of the pack. For those of you who think that is a bad thing, that is a HUGE move forward for me. I have always maintained that I am not a "back of the packer". The back of the pack usually passes me pretty early on and I swim/ride/run alone. I actually had people to chat with!

It rocked. I so needed that.

Week 2: Where's the freaking pizza?!

I have now completed my second full week of Ironman training (pre-Ironman training? Ironman base building? I don't know what it is, but I know it is going to get MUCH worse). I am STARVING all the time. This is not a good sign. I have 5 months (and a shit load of more miles to cover) before I race at this thing. At this rate I will have to buy two plane seats to get there. One for each ass cheek.

Last weekend I ran part of my long run with LA Run Buddy. She was up for the weekend. She is building base miles after a knee issue and had run 6 miles the day before, so she was only doing 3 miles and I was doing 10 miles. We went to the Baylands Wildlife Sanctuary. It was a gorgeous and great run. Here are some pictures:

I REALLY love that I always look like a fucking man when I take pictures with
my gorgeous LA Run Buddy. Awesome.

The pelicans were back!!



It is my blog and I can post as many pelican pictures as I want.


The coots wading in the mud leaving cute little cootty tracks!

I wish I could tell you that she was excruciatingly stupid and mean to old people, but she is just as smart and kind as she is beautiful. Bitch.

The Palo Alto Duck Pond which really should be called the Palo Alto Seagull Pond.


Case in point

This walkway went out over the marsh to the bay. Beautiful views of the Bay.


Case in point.

There was a tiny airport that has the runway terminate right at the Baylands. Very cool. (Included for airplane buff, Willie's enjoyment)

Plane landing at the Palo Alto airport.

Work was crazy because it is the week before finals and I have had reviews with AP students every night in addition to this training schedule:

Monday:
Bike 45 minutes (12.5 miles)

Strength Training class 1 hour (I did 51 pushups in under 4 minutes! Holy shit. Even now, four days later, I still can't brush my own teeth or put my hair in a pony tail , but it's still pretty cool, right?)

Tuesday:
Run 4 miles (45 minutes and 23 seconds of the shittiest run ever. Seriously, actual shit was jealous of the shittiness of this run.)

Swim Masters 1 hour (Things you don't want to hear from your masters coach: 1. That is the exact opposite of what I want you to do. 2. Your backstroke is.... well, we will work on that. 3. We aren't in the old ladies leisure pool. Yep, swim masters continues to be one joyful, uplifting experience after the next.)

Wednesday:
Bike 1 hour ride scheduled (18 miles, 1:21. There were supposed to be hill repeats? Oops.)

Strength Training class 1 hour (We did Crazy 8's, 8 sets of 8 reps of 5 exercises. It is supposed to be 8 exercises, but we are beginners so she took it easier. It was for time. I was dead last. This has started to not phase me. I think that is growth.)

Thursday:
Swim Masters 1 hour (*sigh*)

Run 4 miles (45:01. It tried really hard to be as shitty as Tuesday's run, but it fell short. Just a little short. It was a close second.)

Friday: Rest (Thank sweet baby Jesus)

Saturday: Long Ride (on schedule 3:00, planned 20 mile ride First ride with the Cinderella training group)

Sunday: Long Run (on schedule 2:30, planned 15 miles)

I didn't sleep very much this week, and I had lots of things I want to bitch about but I am too tired. I will say this to all the husbands out there (mostly mine)

Just because a woman is hormonal does NOT mean that you are not being an asshole.

I'm just saying...

Week 1: Whoa

The first week in a long while that I did all of the trainings on my schedule instead of reading the training plan and saying, 'Weight training' must really mean 'go out with friends for pie and coffee.' 'Swim' must really mean 'have another piece of cake and put your feet up, you earned it.'

Here were my workouts for the week:

Monday: Strength Training class 1 hour

Tuesday: Swim Masters 1 hour

Wednesday: Bike 1 hour 20 min (18 miles)/Strength Training class 1 hour

Thursday: Swim Masters 1 hour (OMFG! He tried to kill me)/ Run 5 miles (51:28)

Friday: Rest

Saturday: Long Ride (on schedule 2:45, planned 35 miles)

Sunday: Long Run (on schedule 1: 50, planned 10 miles)

Here is my conundrum, I did not get in the scheduled yards for the swim because in Masters I did a series of drills that, while making me feel like my lungs were going to pop and I had swallowed 9 gallons of pool water, were significantly lower in overall yardage than if I just granny-ed it up and swam some laps like usual.

For example: My scheduled yardage for this week was 5200 yards and my actual was only 2500 yards.

Does this mean I have to swim again this week (and every fucking week thereafter) to get in the total yards?

She asks with a quivering voice and sad upturned face, hoping to God you and her coach say, "No. You have worked hard in the pool, which is much more valuable than distance.
Go have coffee and pie with your friends."

Now, I must get ready to go for a bike ride. Alone. Again. *sigh*

The tri team called and begged me to come back to the group ride and be a pace leader, but I told them that I have to think of my own training first and I can't carry them along. Sorry.

* I am totally being facetious. If you have not read my blog before click the 'tri team' link to get the sarcasm.