Oh, for the love of Pete!

The compassionate and downright hysterical comments I received on my last post, remind me why I love this strange medium we call the Blogosphere. Thank you all. I know that I am a piss poor Bloggy buddy these days, but your support has helped me through some pretty dark hours this past 12 months.

I have been pretty open about the fact that I thought 2010 was about as fun as a thumb tack and saw dust enema, but Pam reminded me of one very important fact about 2010...

...it could have been so much fucking worse.

I was not going to do a year end post at all, but I decided to post about things that did NOT happen in 2010.

Things that I am grateful did NOT happen in 2010: 

My husband did NOT die of cancer, nor did he get worse.

My best friend did NOT go blind, nor did she have a brain tumor.

My mother did NOT die of a pulmonary embolism, nor does she have any permanent damage to her lungs.

I did NOT spend the summer sitting on my ample arse feeling sorry for myself.

Let's see... what else have I got?

Ah, I did NOT, despite my very best efforts, gain more weight than my now almost 7 months pregnant best friend. 

I also did NOT have all of my limbs slowly gnawed off by carnivorous, three toothed wood nymphs... so, that certainly goes the 'win' column for 2010.

2010 Exercise Totals: 

Running: 597 miles

WAY shy of my secret 1000 mile goal. Let's be honest, I have had that goal for several years now and have NEVER met it, but it is more than last year. And yes, SQ, that is less than half of your mileage. In the interest of full disclosure, I am probably less than half your IQ as well. :)

Cycling: 1491 miles

About 500 miles less than last year, but ok. 

Total Miles: 2088 miles


Overall, the exercise front was better than I thought before I ran the numbers. I sometimes get caught up in comparing myself to others.  As if by not doing as much activity, or not being as dedicated, or not showing as much as improvement as [insert whatever person I am judging myself by] it lessens my own accomplishments.

Fuck that.

I am an active person. Am I the most active person I know? Not even close. By the same token, I am also not the smartest, the nicest, the funniest, the prettiest, the most selfless....etc etc.  My life is not a contest, why do I treat it like one? 

When my body turns into a pile of decomposing goo, does it really matter how I ranked in this pretend race? No. What matters is how I feel about me today.

I have spent YEARS of the only life I get, sitting on my ass constantly physically and/or emotionally beating the shit out of myself. I have worked hard on many fronts to be a different person. Am I perfect? Fuck no. Am I a hell of a lot better than I was? Fuck yes. In many ways.

Yet, I still tend to be the meanest person I know...

...to me.

(ok, and maybe a few other assholes, but they most likely have it coming and this is about me, so let's stay focused, people!)

2011 Resolution

Be nicer to me

I want to do this so that I can be the happy, mentally healthy person that my incredible friends and family deserve to have in their life.  

Oh, and about the title of this post. Today at school I was fighting to get my printer to get it to stop printing page after page of random garbage (Just to let you know what a piece of shit this thing is and how angry it makes me, I have punched it hard enough to split my knuckle. Twice.) and in a fit of frustration, without any students present I yelled "Oh, for the love of Pete!" As you can probably surmise from my more colorful language choices on this blog, this would not be a typical exclamation from me. My mom used to say that phrase all the time when I was younger (I know, you are shocked that my mom would ever need to shout in exasperation). I have not heard her say it in a long time. It cracked me up that it was my 'go to' phrase, so I thought I would share.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland!

Of course, your definition of a 'winter wonderland' and mine may be a little different.

Winter in Maui, Hawaii

I had grand plans of posting a 'Farewell! I am off to Hawaii!' post, but I got sidetracked by .. well more on that later, as you read what could also be titled List of Additional Shit that makes 2010 Suck Ass. 

Here are the pictures, I was going to use

Walrus Girl Does Hawaii! (Ok, possibly only funny to SQ. Alright, maybe not even to him, but cute, no?)  

Mr. and Mrs. RBR at the airport!

But since I am already back from Hawaii, it seems that whole We-are-off-to-Hawaii-Try-to-not-freeze-your-tuckus-off-while-you-choke-on-your-jealousy,-bitches! ship has sailed.

So, without further adieu...

Hawaii 2010

Back at the beginning of the school year, I decided that we would celebrate the end of my husband's cancer treatment by going to Hawaii for Christmas. Then I convinced my family that we are all grown adults that do not need anything and we should just skip presents this year since we would all be out of town.

Let's just say, sometimes...

I am fucking BRILLIANT. 

Zero stress Christmas? Check. 

Pre-Vacay

2010 continues its campaign for the "Most Suck Ass Year to Beat All Suck Ass Years," so the transition to vacation was not as seamless I would have liked.

It started in November when a granola cluster, that apparently featured Titanium chips, broke my tooth. (Like how I blame the inanimate object and not my hillbilly dental constitution? Whatevs. That thing was ridiculous) Upon seeing the dentist, the following transpired:

Evil, money grubbing Dentist who is, in reality, neither evil, nor money grubbing: Ummm... wow, that is a bad break. You need a root canal, gum surgery since it broke below the gum line, and then a special cap. And, gee, this tooth behind it is chipped as well and the filling looks involved, so it may need work too. Oh, and by the way, *sadistic dentist smile* you have reached your insurance cap for the year, so it will have to all be out of pocket. (Translation for you non-dentists: "Whoa! That is one jacked up tooth. But don't worry, this is not only going to hurt like a mofo, it is going to cost you enough to put my kid through her first year at Stanford")

Me thinks to myself in true hillbilly style: Fuck that. It does not hurt now. I am waiting until 2011 when my insurance resets to fix this bitch.

Me says: Thank you, doctor. I will check my schedule and give you a call to set up the appointment (translation for you non-hillbilly types: See ya next year, sucka!)

[eerie foreshadowing music plays]

Fast forward to December 17 (THREE fucking days before departure on our very needed and very expensive Hawaiian holiday getaway) the tooth starts to hurt. A LOT.

Super.

I hear flying in a airplane is a GREAT idea when you have a toothache. I just said "fuck it", and got a prescription for pain medication and proceeded as planned.

Random picture from Hawaii to break up text block. Plumeria flowers.  

At the end of November my parents returned from their 3 week vacation in Antarctica. (I know! Right? They had an amazing trip. I hope to have a picture or two to share when my dad finishes them.) On the return flight my mother developed  a pulmonary embolism (blood clot to her lungs) and had to be hospitalized. The doctor told us that she "dodged a bullet" and if the clot had not scattered when it left the heart and went to the lungs it would have most likely killed her instantly or caused massive lung damage. It was pretty fucking terrifying. She is doing very well now, but her long distance flying days are over.

Vacay

With mom at home and out of danger and  fistful of painkillers I head off to Hawaii with hubby. 

Christmas at the Ritz-Carlton Kapalua...

...with this sexy creature. 

Hard to bemoan your lot in life when you are in Maui at Christmas with the man you love. The vacation was exactly what I needed: laid back, relaxed, and beautiful. I even had the peace of mind to read. I have not been able to finish a book in the last 8 months. I have started several, but have only finished one I think.

Running in Hawaii

Things I learned running in Hawaii

1. I am out of shape

2. Hawaii is humid.

3. Asthma, and by extension the asthmatic RBR, does not like humidity. 

4. It does not matter where I go I end up running uphill.

5. Running while out of shape, in humidity, with asthma, and uphill sucks ass.  

6. Running while on vacation in Hawaii makes you not care about 1-5.

Top of the hill, well one of them, but it is all good, brah (Yes, I am entirely too white to say "brah." My apologies to the Hawaiian people)

Scenes from my Hawaiian Running

 Leaving the hotel. This is at the Bayan tree at the entrance to the hotel.

Yellow Hibiscus (the state flower of Hawaii) planted along the golf course.

Tunnel that lets you run under the Piilani Hwy. 

Lush greenery along trail.

View from the near the top of the trail. It is ok to hate me now *smug grin*

GIGANTO African Snail (there were TONS of this invasive, introduced species. I will spare you the lecture about island ecosystems and introduced species)

 Monarch butterflies gettin' down and dirty on the trail. No shame, those Monarchs. It was Monarch breeding season in Kapalua.

The product of the lepidopteran exhibitionists (Again, only funny to SQ and other science nerds)

This may be the last picture of me and my favorite pink run hat. To add to the wonder that has been my 2010, United airlines lost my luggage on our return trip. My run hat, water belt, sunglasses, favorite run shorts, and cute new run tops were all inside. *sigh*

You did it 2010! You won the "Most Suck Ass Year to Beat All Suck Ass Years"! Congratulations!

*sniff* I will miss you pink Puma run hat. 

And lest you think I forgot you, G

Aloha (RBR style) from Hawaii!

Race Report: Summit RockTrail 10k - December 11, 2010

As many of you know, a cute logo is often all it takes to get me to sign up for a race.

This little bugger was actually cute enough to get me up early on Saturday morning when I would have rather hid under the covers all day.

I do love that his round little face is trying to be all bad ass. (WAY over exposed picture of the back of the t-shirt.)

I really like Brazen races. They are well supported, well organized, and in beautiful locations. They have a very hometown race feel, with all the frills of a bigger race. Plus on the girly side, they usually have cute logos and nice t-shirts that are available in tech fabric and women specific fit.

Front of shirt and the finisher's medal.

I am pretty over the men's, size medium white, cotton race t-shirts that make me look like an asexual box (shut up, G).

"Oh, but RBR, you can make a super cool race t-shirt quilt," you may exclaim! I have enough shirts to make like 12 "super cool" quilts, and let's be serious, I barely have the wherewithal to fold my laundry on the weekend much less sew a goddamn quilt. Soooo... yeah, I will pass on the white cotton race tee.

"Super cool" race shirt quilt. I know one Type A personality with too much time on her hands.

Pre-run

A picture that captures my status for the past couple of weeks:

Me, all rhinoceros like, wallowing in my own muck.

Upside: Wallowing is very restful and my hip is feeling MUCH better, so I was a 'go' to run the Summit 10k this weekend.

Downside: My mood was piss poor from the moment I woke up Saturday morning.

Run

I was thrilled to learn that Ron and Katie were doing the run, but was also surprised and excited to find that Ann (trail turtle) was also in town and running today!

Ann, Ron, Katie, Moi.
Sheesh. I am thinking Jenny Craig will not be calling me anytime soon to be their next spokesmodel. Whatevs.

I registered for the 10k in my new "RBR is only going to do reasonable distances that she is actually trained for" resolution. Sadly the maiden voyage of this resolution was a bit of a miss, since I have only been doing runs from 0 -3 miles in length on the treadmill for the last month and a half and this was a 6.5 mile trail run with 1889 ft of climb.

Oopsies. Old habits die hard, I guess.

Elevation profile (grumble...Bimactive.com sold out to Adidas and now they do not accept gps data anymore. *Unhappy RBR face*)

Dirty Details:

Total Distance: 6.67 miles
Total climb: 1889 ft
Total time: 1:44:21

Ann was doing the 10k as well, so we decided to run together. Ron and Katie were doing the half marathon and I must admit there was a twinge of jealousy that they were doing the longer distance while I did the 10k. That lasted until about half a mile into the initial 3.25 mile climb, then I was pretty fucking glad to not be doing the half marathon and was wondering what the hell my aversion to the 5k distance was.

Yes, we are walking. It was more of a 3.25 mile hike, followed by a 3.25 mile run.

Ann claims to read my blog, but before the race she kept telling me that if I wanted to go faster I did not have to wait for her. Yeah, that is how my race reports ALWAYS play out, with ol' RBR leaving people in the dust, so I have my doubts about her actually reading it. Needless to say, despite the fact that she was having some hip issues I huffed and puffed behind her trying to keep up.

Ann waiting on Huff n' Puff the 'out-of-shape' Dragon behind her. Notice she is nicer about it than Ron was at the Tarantula 1/2. I am just saying.

The course was gorgeous. The fog made for perfect running conditions that were neither too hot nor too cold. I had run out here once before and it was as beautiful and hard as I remembered. The ascent was brutal, but the downhill was much better than I thought it would be and we were able to run the entire thing. At 41, I spend a lot of time and money trying to defy gravity, but gravity CAN be your friend when you are ass endowed and running downhill.

Obligatory race dog photo #1. Super cute french bulldog.

Obligatory race dog photo #2. For the record, that wadded up thing was a dog bed and was intact when we started the race. By the time we left it looked like it had snowed.

At the end, I was very glad I decided to come out and run despite my horrid mood leading up to Saturday. Plus deciding to do the 10k and not the half marathon had its benefits:

1. At Brazen races they have 'It's It' ice cream sandwiches at the finish line. Now, since I usually do the longest distance they offer and am usually the slowest runner there, I am never done when there are sandwiches left, but not today, baby!

Ann with RBR and her 'Hey-I-am-not-last!' It's It. Cappuccino flavored. I mean, come on! Does it get better than that?

2. There was food left. Lots of food left. Including pie!

Yes, I had pie AND ice cream after running only 6.5 miles. Jenny Craig is not going so well, as you can imagine.

3. Judging from how Ron and Katie looked coming in, I could possibly still be out there trying to finish, if was doing the half marathon course.

4. I got to wait for Ron and Katie to come in. (That NEVER happens. They are always waiting on me)

And when they did come in I looked rested, and smug, and chock full of ice cream, pie and smugness. Did I mention the smugness?

They were a wee bit tired from the half marathon course, which did not get better after the 10k turn around from what I hear. I wouldn't know I was eating free ice cream.


Love you, man.

MANY thanks to Ann who helped me turn my mood around and have a really great run on Saturday.

You guys rock! Thank you all so much.

Next up Katie and I will be doing the 11 miler at Crystal Springs on January 8th. Ron didn't really think he could steal my girl without a fight, did he?

Ahhhh, Winter!

Stupid, fucking Winter.

Or as I like to call it, The Season of Snot.

Some of you are gasping at the statement, saying "How could you hate the season that brings crisp, clean air, quiet snow covered mornings, and inspires friends and family to gather around a roaring fire and reflect on the beauty of it all?"

It is pretty easy, really.

It is cold, dark, wet, miserable, and I am horridly allergic to winter and all of its climate controlled, indoor living.

For example, if you invite me over for a roaring fire in your home, better make sure the plastic slip covers are in place. I am second only to Saint Bernards in the ability to cover everything as far as the eye can see in a fine patina of mucus.

Yes, SQ, this is an English Bulldog, but its funny so I used it anyway.

Reasons I hate winter:

1. I spend the winter with a resting heart rate of 125 bpm from all the decongestants I have to take to be able to breathe out of, at most, one nostril at any given time.

2. I am constantly asked "Are you sick?" If I answer "No, I have allergies," I get the 'you are full of shit' look because everyone assumes allergies are a spring time gig. So I usually answer, "Yes, I have Dengue Fever, but the doctor says I am most likely not contagious anymore." (I substitute the Flu du jour if there is one in the news to induce extra fast fleeing from me. Aside: Hubby sent me that link. Hilarious.)

3. I sleep with Kleenex stuffed up at least one nostril to keep from drowning in the pool of my own snot created by an unobstructed 'down' nostril when I lay on my side.

4. It is cold. [insert eyerolls from East Coast persons]

I live in and love California. Therefore, by definition, I hate weather. Specifically weather that strays outside of the '75 degrees and 0% humidity' zone. Here in California, we avoid weather at all costs, trying to maintain as close to an endotherm level of homeostasis as possible. A couple of degrees + or -, fine. Go beyond that and we start pissing and moaning and stamping our little crunchy granola, hippy feet.

Yesterday it was 36 degrees at 8:30 in the morning. The sun was up for Christ's sake!

*stamps little crunchy granola, hippy foot*

I emailed a friend to bemoan the fact that I had to wear a coat to work. He essentially told me to stop being such a pissy, little bitch.

Umm.... dude, it was not a sweatshirt or fleece, it was an actual COAT!

Ok, I will stop.

5. It gets dark at like 2:30 in the afternoon. (ok, that is a slight exaggeration, but it sure feels that way.)

6. I think my feelings for winter can be summed up by the simple chemical reaction:

RBR + Cold + 2Dark + 5Allergies -----------------> 3Lack of exercise + 4Ass size increase + 3Moody Bitch

I almost can not believe how perfect this picture is, only reconfirming my belief that Google images is powered by God.

Running

The hip is improving and I have set my sights on a few runs: (I am over calling them "races". I am very frequently last. If I am 'racing' I supremely suck at it. )

December 11: Summit Rock 10k (chosen for its uber cute, if not geographically correct, Eagle logo)

January 8: Crystal Springs 11 mile (chosen because Woodside is beautiful and Coastal trail runs have cute t-shirts)

January 29: Coyote Hills 1/2 marathon (chosen because Jo Lynn is doing it and she is adorable!)

February: TBD

March 12: If I get in, Way too Cool 50k (chosen due to beautiful trail and AWESOME frog logo. There is a lottery, so kind of a long shot)

Cliches R Us

As a member of a 12 step program I am no stranger to gratitude lists.

Hell, anytime you piss and moan to your sponsor about anything the first thing out of their mouth is "I think you need to do a gratitude list, you whiny little bitch!" (Ok, I added the "you whiny little bitch" part, but it is implied)

Therefore, I am not really a once a year giver of thanks, but since I have no running to write about (*le sigh*) I thought I would write something down.

Thanksgiving Cliche 2010

1. I am grateful that this little BOY is cooking along just fine inside the equally healthy LA Run Buddy

It is a boy! Come on, even people that do not like babies can not help but smile at that buddha belly!

2. I am grateful that my husband is done with radiation, does not need anymore hormone deprivation shots, and is as healthy as someone with cancer can be.

Hubby cooking the turkey, which leads into number 3....

3. I am grateful that hubby cooked the turkey since I have NO fucking clue how to turn a raw, dead bird into something edible.

I am getting a lesson on turkey prep. As you can imagine, I am listening intently.

Full disclosure: He also did the stuffing, the potatoes, and the gravy. Even though my mother insisted I cook Thanksgiving dinner this year, I only did the green bean casserole (yes, the one that you give to your 6 year old niece to cook, so she feels like she is a part of the process) and the salad. I am the sorriest excuse for a woman alive.

4. I am grateful that I have a full time job with good medical benefits and a financial lifestyle I can afford on my income. Despite an economic downturn and a year that has kicked me and my hubby in the ass, we do not have to worry about paying our bills or losing our home.

Picture, solely for the purpose of a personal beef.

5. I am grateful the rest of my family and friends are healthy and happy. I could not fathom my life without them. Or more precisely, I would not want to fathom my life without them.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Friends: Old and New

This long, holiday weekend I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with some quality people. My hip has still been a problem and I have not run since before the aborted Bogg's race.

The mood in RBRland has been dour at best. This weekend I was able to see, once again, just how fucking lucky I am.

Thursday

I started the long weekend with one of my all time favorite humans, LA Run Buddy. We hung out and caught a movie since she was going to be gone all weekend visiting people in L.A. and spreading the news about her impending motherhood. (Yes, you all heard it way before the beautiful people of L.A. Ha!)


Friday

I was off on Friday for the Veteran's Day weekend. I called up a buddy of mine that recently had a stroke to see if I could come visit. (Ok, full disclosure, I went to visit him at the rehab center on Tuesday and he had been discharged that morning. Oops. Way to be on top of it, RBR)

He was trying his first foray at one handed, wheelchair baking. He was making cupcakes for his brother's birthday. I have 2 black thumbs when it comes to baking, but I have a black belt when comes to sampling baked goods, so I told him, "Hells yeah, I will come 'help'." I hung with him and his super cool family for a few hours before I had to take LA Run Buddy to the airport. His brother, sister-in-law, and their 3 children are taking care of him. Amazing people all of them.

We decided that pineapple upside down cupcakes baked by a stroke victim* have no calories, which is good for me since I ate 4.

I stole this picture from Google images, but this is exactly what they looked like. Delish.

*He actually calls himself a stroke volunteer. He smoked like a train, did not exercise, and despite being a diabetic for 14 years partook generously in the fruits of his own labor as a pastry chef. He is on the wagon now and has not smoked since the stroke 3 weeks ago. He is also the model physical therapy patient and he did not eat even one cupcake!

Saturday

Jo Lynn and I decided to go for a "walk" at Sunol Regional Wilderness Park. I put 'walk' in parenthesis because her last email to me in planning for this "walk" was "just bring 32-40 oz. of water and you should be fine."

That morning I was filling my Camelbak in preparation, and hubby says,

Hubby: I thought you were just getting coffee and going for a walk?

RBR: *sigh* Yeah, this is a Jo Lynn walk. I have to earn my freaking coffee.

When most women say they are going to get coffee and go for a walk, you imagine strolling along some pretty bike path sipping a latte. Not if you go with Jo Lynn. So filled the Camelbak.

Jo Lynn, most adorable trail dog ever, Boomer, and moi. (Pic stolen from Jo Lynn's blog.)

I had never been to Sunol and it was beautiful. There is a place they call little Yosemite because of the rock formations and there were gorgeous views of Mt. Diablo in the distance. Obviously, since it was gorgeous I took exactly zero pictures. Nice one, RBR. Documentation FAIL.

Another picture stolen from Jo Lynn

Jo Lynn is recovering from surgery and I am pretty sure she is not supposed to be dropping my ass on the hiking trails, but it was exactly what I needed to get back out there. I have been wallowing a bit because of my hip and sometimes I forget that what I really love about this sport. is going somewhere beautiful and spending time with people I like. It does not really matter how fast I am doing it.

Little Yosemite, Sunol Regional Wilderness Park (pic stolen from Google Images)

Fortunately for me, the surgery slowed Jo Lynn down. Since she hikes faster than I run, I would have had no chance of keeping up with her at her normal hiking pace. (Aren't I a peach? I am grateful the woman was slowed by painful bone surgery. Line to be RBR's friend forms here)

Sunday

Then a friend of mine from San Diego came up for the weekend to celebrate her grandmother's 98th birthday. I have not seen her in over a year. We have been friends for almost 20 years. She moved to San Diego, had children, and things just change, but this weekend it was nice to reconnect.

RBR and J at Grandma's 98th b-day. Damn, Grandma is not the only one getting older.

The take home message from this weekend for me is that, friendships take work to maintain and I have not been taking care of my friendships. I include my immediate family in this. Sometimes I forget that just because I am thinking about someone, or even talking about how much someone means to me that does not mean that they necessarily know that. I get so wrapped up in the day to day shit that I forget to take care of what really matters.

I am very lucky to have a lot of really incredible people in my life, both in my immediate world and farther away (and some that I barely know that have helped me more than they can imagine). I would not have made it through this year without their support. I want them to know how much they mean to me.

Yeah, yeah, I am in one of those moods, if you have not gotten one already, be expecting some sappy ass emails.

Finally, my BIG news!

I will admit that I am a little late in getting back to you all on my BIG news (aka: the only news I received in 2010 that did not TOTALLY suck ass!)

So without further adieu...

LA RUN BUDDY IS PREGNANT!!!

Yep, she

...is with child...

...is knocked up...

...has got a bun in the oven...

...is eating for two...

...is sportin' the baby bump...

...is knittin' a human... (Ok, I made that one up, but it makes me laugh)

Obligatory nerdy pregnancy euphemisms

...is gestating...

...is gravid...

...is showing off her fecundity

I can not think of any person that is a better choice to raise a human than her. She is the kindest, most loving person I know. I could not be happier for her or more excited to meet the little person she has brewing inside her.

I know that it is a little odd that I am so goddamn excited about this and that I feel the need to announce it here because: 1. It is not me that is pregnant 2. LA Run Buddy does not read this blog and 3. Despite the fact that many feel there is evidence to the contrary, LA Run Buddy and I are not lesbian lovers and this is not our child she is carrying,

...but as I have said many times - my blog, my rules. I get to talk about whatever I want.

I know almost nothing about babies. I have never really been around them much, but I have raised a lot of orphan kittens how different can they be?


The times, they are a changin'.