Every few years, they get me again. They are fun and cute and offer me promises that they just can't keep.
They mock me, "This time it will be different, you will look cute and flirty. We will be comfortable AND look good, go ahead try it."
Fucking capri pants.
In my mind they will look like this on me
However, in reality, I have a 4 inch inseam and two Butterball turkeys for thighs. Therefore, in capris I look like a troll doll in high waters.
The Under Armor compression capri running tights I just bought were no exception. In addition to making my statuesque 5'2" frame look like 3'8", they were somewhat low rise.
Now I am a troll doll, with dun lop disease (as in "the fat dun lop over the top of these stupid, fucking capris")
My two runs and one long bike ride this week were somewhat less enjoyable than running in these pants, alternately pulling up the waist and pulling down my shirt to keep from flashing a flesh belt.
2009, not off to a rousing start
16 hours ago