"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Sunday, January 4, 2009

When will I learn...

Every few years, they get me again. They are fun and cute and offer me promises that they just can't keep.

They mock me, "This time it will be different, you will look cute and flirty. We will be comfortable AND look good, go ahead try it."

Fucking capri pants.

In my mind they will look like this on me



However, in reality, I have a 4 inch inseam and two Butterball turkeys for thighs. Therefore, in capris I look like a troll doll in high waters.

Although, I do think I have nicer hair

The Under Armor compression capri running tights I just bought were no exception. In addition to making my statuesque 5'2" frame look like 3'8", they were somewhat low rise.

Awesome.

Now I am a troll doll, with dun lop disease (as in "the fat dun lop over the top of these stupid, fucking capris")

My two runs and one long bike ride this week were somewhat less enjoyable than running in these pants, alternately pulling up the waist and pulling down my shirt to keep from flashing a flesh belt.


2009, not off to a rousing start

22 comments:

Southbay Girl said...

OMG...the flesh belt about made me die!! I'm sure you do not have one!!!!! I'm sure you are a hotty chick in capri tights!!!

Formulaic said...

HA! Flesh belt! That was great.

Sorry to hear that your 2009 is off to a bad start, but I know that it will get a lot better.

Keep up the ran and that bike and you'll be set.

So...about that bike?


Register yet?

Formulaic said...

Better a "flesh belt" than a "flesh light":

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fleshlight

Jo Lynn said...

Yup, I have a pair too. Believe me, there's no difference between 5'2" & 5'4" when it comes to capris. My running partner on the other hand, who is 5'8" with legs up to her neck, she looks great in them. I have to wear long shorts to actually get the capri look.

Heather said...

<3

Isela said...

I read somewhere that shorty gals are supposed to stay away from capris as they give the optical illusion of making shorter legs look even shorter. I am 5' 1" and I am guilty of owning a pair of Pearl Izumi capris that make me look more like 4 feet tall.

Diana said...

I am proud to say that I have never bought a pair of capris! I prefer those nice high rise shorts of the '70's!!! LOL!

Carolina John said...

I too hate capri's. We don't live at the coast. If you're not about to go digging for clams, don't wear clam diggers. And LMAO at the flesh belt. i'm going to have to use that one later and claim it as my own.

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

This is particularly funny to me because I tried on some running capri tights on Saturday. Wasn't pretty.

Karen said...

OMG... I just went through the whole capri thing too. Hate them but still wear them. I just avoid the mirror. I think only that one girl that is the model for the picture looks good in them. The rest of us, not so much.

carsonsunflower said...

Flesh belt....Spit my water on the keyboard!
So, really, let's put this into perspective. Your whole year is off to a terrible start because of some capris? I mean, are you really giving them that power? Just wear something else for your next run and rock it like I know you can! {{{HUGS}}}

JenZen said...

PUHAHAHA - flesh belt. Nice. I love running capris, but I have noticed that they have started to really make them low-rise which is a pain in the ass because they keep pulling down once I load the pockets with my keys, goo, etc. Then I'm flashing butt crack to everyone behind me. Not a pretty picture.

The Running Knitter said...

Flesh belt! LOL
I am positive you do not have one!

I'm only 5'4" so I have a hard time finding capris as well. Usually I just wear shorts.

AKA Alice said...

Flesh Belt...hahahahahahaha (oh and thanks for the link to the Urban Dictionary...now I'll know WTF my students are talking about.)

I'm 5'3" and I've been wearning a knee length C9 short from Target. Iit's tight around the knee, not like the loose around the knee yoga pant (which really makes me look troll-like). I LOVE them!

http://www.target.com/C9-Champion-Seamless-Knee-Pants/dp/B000KKOF8I/qid=1231175939/ref=br_1_7/192-4409513-0045634?ie=UTF8&node=554401011&frombrowse=1&rh=&page=1

Amy said...

I got a Brooks pair for Christmas...my tushie looks a little more flat than I think they should...debating on if I should keep them...at least I know what they are supposed to look like!

At least you can run...we got 3 more inches of snow last night! Damn snow!

Bootchez said...

HA! Flesh belt is the new muffin top . . . I'm stealing that phrase! *That's* got nothing to do with the capris; I have the same 'dunlop' problem with my full length tights, and that explains the oversized shirt I tend to wear with them.

Karen said...

LOL. OMG I can't stop laughing cause I just bought some capris and just realized why everyone was snickering as I shuffled by.
I'm 5'2" but I guess I looked 2'5" in those damn things.

katie said...

no real pictures?

flesh belt..that's funny. i'd rather show my girls any day of the week before i'd let anyone see my stomach!

Willie said...

I hate Capri's too. They make my butt look big and show my belly too. OMG I hate that! I have 3 pair and none of them fit right. I stick to running skirts, they are much more my style.

BTW thanks for the picture, like the description wasn't bad enough?

Jo Lynn said...

Hey there! STTS registration is open -- are you running it again?

Iron "GeekGirl" Misty said...

I loved this post. In my mind, I'm going to wear tiny little skirts like DreadPirate and others in my marathons, but in reality the shorts part rolls up into my areas and I chafe, chafe, chafe.

M said...

holy crap this was one of the funniest i have ever read.