Week 7: A post that just needs to be written

If you are looking for an inspiring, fun post you may want to move on because this is not it. Look on my sidebar there are lots of amazing people doing amazing things. Today I am not one of them.

This will be long, boring and depressing. The training stuff is at the bottom if you want to skip the mental vomit that is about to occur, but it is not very inspiring either.

You are forewarned.

I didn't want to write this post for a myriad of reasons: embarrassment mostly (why can't I EVER spell fucking embarrass (ment) (ed),etc. without using spell check? I can memorize even the most obscure minutia involved in the chemical reactions of the Kreb's cycle or protein synthesis, but I can't spell a common word after 40 fucking years on the planet? Whatever)

Anyhoo... then there was the worry about what others would think. Now here is a conundrum that I have read others write about and has been bugging me a lot lately.

Do I write this blog for other people or for me?

The honest answer is both.

1. I write to synthesize things, and to document my experiences, and the feelings surrounding those experiences. I do it so I can remember them and see how far I have come and relive some fun/hard/important moments in my life. I will be honest with you, I read my own blog. A lot. That may seem a little narcissistic to you, but to that I would say look around! This blog is about me. It is filled with pictures of me and things I care about. It's more than a little narcissistic. It is the very definition of narcissistic.

2. I write on a public blog because I want other people to read it and find it interesting too. I mean come on! Of course I do! And so does everyone else with a blog. Otherwise we would write in our Hello Kitty Diary and stuff it between our mattress like other adolescents.

But then I find myself thinking "Gee, XX hasn't commented in a while maybe they don't like me anymore. Or worse, they think I am boring and do not want to read anymore." That is when I think I have lost perspective and have dove headlong back into the torturous world of high school where all self worth is measured by how I appear to others. Time to back that fucking bus up!

I LOVE the sense of community here. I LOVE how much I can learn about life, sport, and balance from reading others blogs. And most of all, I LOVE the people I have met through this tool and I will continue to use it, but I am not going to get hung up on how many comments, who is commenting, how many followers, etc.

I chose to title this blog 'Run Bitch Run' even though it is not PC and may offend some people.

I swear when I write because, well, I swear. It is not to be shocking or contrary. It is how I think and more often than not when I am not working, how I talk. Good or bad. It is what it is.

That is how I choose to think about this blog and me in general. Good or bad. It is what it is.

So, with that said, I want to get my reassurances out there to those blogs that I follow and adore. I am not commenting very much these days and that DOES NOT mean that I am not reading or that I do not like you or your blog.

Because frankly, these days, I am not answering my cell phone, returning calls, even really checking my voice mail. I am also not responding to texts or emails very well right now either.

I am depressed. I am not happy and my life is not fun right now.

Nothing has happened. I don't any have real hardships like other people are bravely struggling through right now,...

to quote my beloved LOL Cats: I. Just. Not. Happy.

I think it is a manifestation of over training, which upsets me because: 1. my training schedule is not even that bad yet and 2. I need every bit of this training if I even have a prayer of finishing IM CdA.

I know that everyday isn't going to be happy, happy, fun, fun, Julie fucking Andrews running through a field of flowers, but this is a hobby. A HA-BEE. Not my job, not a life saving endeavor, it is a hobby and if everything else in my life goes to shit in the pursuit of this hobby, well, it is, frankly, not ok with me.

Does that mean I can not be an Ironman? I don't know.

Does that mean I am not going to push ahead and try to become an Ironman? Hell, no! I am NOTHING if not stubborn. I started this and will finish it.

Thanks, I just needed to get this out of my head.

Here is the ugly of Week 7: Worst training week yet

Monday: Run (4 miles, easy)/1 hour strength class
Tuesday: Swim Masters (1700 yards, drills)/Bike (23 miles, spin class)
Wednesday: 1 hour strength class
Thursday: Nothing (unscheduled rest day in Solvang with hubby)
Friday: Rest day
Saturday: Run (5 miles, easy in Solvang)
Sunday: To be determined, ride canceled for rain AGAIN!

NTR: About Boys

I was reading Carolina John's post this morning about the cover of this month's Runner's World:

He went on to say that this is what most people that are looking for in a man's physique.


Me? Meh. Not so much.

Now I am not saying I would throw the man out of bed for eating crackers. He is pretty and all, but when it comes to my preference of men's body styles I am more "Clydesdale" than "Elite".

Call me old fashioned, but I want a man that has the heart and body to slay the dragon, not run away from it real fast.

In my opinion that takes more than 10% body fat.

I'm just sayin'...

Week 7: Mama said there would be weeks like this.

Well, that didn't go so well.

It started with my unscheduled day off from both training and work. I am glad I took the day to rest and get caught up on life stuff, but I think it was the start of a downward spiral. Here is the schedule:


Monday

Scheduled: Bike 1:00 easy/Strength training class
Actual: Nada, Rest Day

Thoughts:
Hi! I am Bitchy McBitcherson from Bitchyville.
Mood: Dark


Tuesday

Scheduled/Actual: Swim Masters (1 hour, 1650 yards)/Run (easy, 43:38, 4 miles)

Thoughts:
My regular pool was closed, so I went to a different masters class. This coach let me get away with being cute to get out of working hard. I need my old, mean coach back. It was a lack luster performance at best.

Upside:the pool was MUCH cleaner than the pool I usually swim in. Downside: I defiled said pool with a toenail at some point. The little sucker was a bit loose, but I thought it would hang in. Oops!

Mood: Dark



Wednesday

Scheduled/Actual: Bike (easy, 13.5 miles, 58:02)/no strength class Tri group meeting

Thoughts:
Pissing down rain. Cold, miserable, covered in mud and general road shit when I got back. I can see why you cyclists love this sport. It is awesome.

Thursday

Scheduled: Swim masters 1 hour/Run 00:50
Actual: Nada, second unscheduled rest day

Thoughts:
No excuses. Didn't get it done.
Mood: Dark



Friday

Scheduled/Actual: Rest day

Thoughts:
Yep, even after 2 UNscheduled rest days I took my scheduled rest day. You say, Loo. I say, Zer. Loo-Zer!
Mood: Dark

Saturday

Scheduled: Run 3:00 hours
Actual: Run (10 miles, 1:53)

Thoughts:
Hips and knees still sore from last weekend. I didn't think 15 miles was a good idea. Nice run
Mood: Improving

Sunday

Scheduled: Ride 5 with Cinderella Group 45 miles with climbing.
Actual: Homemade Gym Reverse Sprint Triathlon - Run (2 miles, 21:34), Bike (20 miles on hill program, 56:12), Swim (1250 yards of drills, ~ 45 minutes)

Thoughts:
The Cinderella Ride was canceled for rain. It was out biggest storm of the season and was pouring all day. I am feeling better today and decided I needed to get a decent workout in and I went to the dreaded gym. I could write a 5 page dissertation on reasons to NOT go the the gym, but I did it.
Mood: Improved, but not quite my normal sassy self.



I included the LOL cats to make this mildy interesting since it is patently not. Interesting, that is.

Deep Thoughts with RBR

There has been an idea rolling around in my head since I signed up for Coeur d'Alene, but I have too scared/lazy/worried about other's opinions to do anything about it. Then I was reading this (TriBoommer post "Who Do you Race For?")

And realized that this is a very important question for me to think about:

Who do I Race for?

Well, I think it is pretty obvious from the race times on the side bar that it is not for Nike or Trek, so I guess that leaves just little ol' me.

But the me I race for is bigger than just the ego of me.

(I know, it is difficult to believe from the layout of this blog that there is anything bigger than the 'ego of me', but I digress...)

I race for the me that finally, after years of self destructive and self centered abuse and neglect, realizes that how I move through this world matters. I am watched by children, peers, friends, loved ones, and even strangers, and my actions, reactions, and interactions, whether good or bad, make a difference in the world. A difference that is also, good or bad. Only I can make the choice of what I leave in my wake. I often choose poorly. I often choose wisely.

So today, I race for who I was. I race for who I am. I race for who I want to be.

In some ways, they are the same person, in some ways they are very different, but they all represent everything I love and cherish and everything I want to make different as a result of my time here.

With that said, I have decided that as a part of my Ironman commitment and training I will raise money to benefit the Humane Society of Silicon Valley. There are MANY worthy causes. I have raised money twice for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society as a part of Team in Training. I believe in their cause and am forever grateful for the training they gave me, but I have spent most of my life being made whole by animals (dramatic I know, but it seems like that kind of day here on Run Bitch Run) and I owe a debt of gratitude to the HSSV for saving the lives of both my dog Lucy (picture left) and Mary's dog Cassie.

It is a local shelter that relies entirely on private donations. They do not receive any government funding. Therefore, the money raised is not a drop in the bucket, so to speak. It will directly save and improve the quality of animals' lives.

I don't mean this as a DONATE NOW post (ok, maybe I do), but sometimes I like reminders of worthy causes that could use my help. If you have had your life changed by an animal and are so moved please feel free to visit the link.


http://januscharitychallenge.kintera.org/cda09/fortheloveoflucy

Donation amount ideas:

• Cost of a Spay surgery for females to reduce unwanted puppies and kittens $100.00
• Cost of Neuter surgery for males to reduce number of unwanted puppies and kittens $50.00
• Cost of 15 lb bag of dog or cat food $35.00
• Cost of 50 pk of Puppy Wee Wee pads. $15.00
• Cost of Kong dog toys for hours of doggie enjoyment $10.00
• Cost of cat toys to keep kitties happy and entertained while awaiting new homes $5.00

I am raising the money through the Janus Charity Challenge (I got this idea from Trigreyhound who has done some amazing fundraising for MS, another very worthy cause, for his Ironman races) they offer additional donations to your cause as incentives for top fundraisers for the various Ironman races.

Now, I can't make the top 50% in the actual race, but give me the opportunity to save some puppies and kittens? I am racing 'Elite' in that category! It is ON baby!

Uncle

During my 22 mile run on Saturday I was growing continually more concerned about my 50 mile ride on Sunday (even typing this sounds absurd to me. Who the hell do I think I am?) This was partly because of the distance, but mostly because of the RIDICULOUS amount of climb in the run.

But I kept telling myself, "it is a flat ride. The ride with climb isn't until next week. I will be fine."

Here is the elevation for yesterday's ride:


Now, the women that lead the Cinderella training rides are quite possibly the nicest people on Earth, and to the best of my knowledge, none of them actually smoke crack, but WTF?! In who's world is that a flat ride?

When I got home I had to clean house, do laundry, do animal care, prepare for tomorrow at school and I could barely move I was so tired. Add to that, my gum isn't healed from my oral surgery and it makes eating (one of my primary hobbies) not fun.


I cracked.





I called in sick to work and I am not working out today.




Upside: I have clean underwear and my house probably won't get condemned.

Race Report: Woodside 35K Trail Run

Woodside Trail Run 35k (22 miles) - February 7, 2009
Time: 5:18:41

I am going to start this report with the elevation profile for the run because seeing it made me feel IMMENSELY better about the piss poor attitude I had for the first 9 miles of this run.



The first time I checked my Garmin to see how far I had gone and how fucking far was left, was at 1.57 miles, then again at 1.84 miles, then again at.... well, you get the picture.

Not a good sign for a 22 mile run.

It was a gorgeous trail and perfect running weather, so here are some pictures from the day:

Everything was moss covered and so pretty


I always have to 'pet' it I can't help myself!

A local celebrity, a California Banana Slug!


Here is the first picture where me and Mr. Slug almost got squashed by a fast moving 50K'er that did not find the flora and fauna as photo worthy as I.

Umm, this little area saw more of me than I would like to admit.

Beautiful manzanita wood lined trail

How the hell do I hit and get mud over half way up my calf ?!

Run paraphernalia and race schwag

According to USGS analysis of GPS data this run had 4734 ft of climb. This was probably a bit much after the week I have had and the 50 mile ride I have tomorrow, but I am pretty proud of myself for not quitting when I really had no idea how I was going to make it though.

Sorry, I guess I am still not chipper.

Week 6: Pity Party. Table for 1.

Sunday: Long Ride (40 miles with climbing) characterized by throbbing in jaw and shooting pain to inner ear.

Awesome.

Monday: Emergency oral surgery , which was followed by a truly outstanding performance by yours truly at Parent Night. "I wuth likth to wulcome yuth awl to AP biololly."

Superific.

Tuesday/Thursday: At swim Masters, my lane buddy is leaving the pool as I arrive. The pansy bastard has dropped down to pre-masters and left me to the short lane alone. The real swimmers remain circle swimming 3 to lane, while I loll around in my double wide lane alone, as if slowness was contagious.

Fantabulous.

Friday: Rest day, kind of. Worked 15 hours, my jaw is killing me unless an unearthly amount of Tylenol is taken, and I am scheduled to run 22 hilly miles tomorrow at the Woodside 35K trail run.

Rock on.



*Upside, I did all of my scheduled workouts except the one strength class I knew I would miss for Parent Night at school. I was a cranky bee-otch about most of them. Good thing I train alone.

Sorry, hopefully I will be more chipper after Woodside tomorrow.