If you are looking for an inspiring, fun post you may want to move on because this is not it. Look on my sidebar there are lots of amazing people doing amazing things. Today I am not one of them.
This will be long, boring and depressing. The training stuff is at the bottom if you want to skip the mental vomit that is about to occur, but it is not very inspiring either.
You are forewarned.
I didn't want to write this post for a myriad of reasons: embarrassment mostly (why can't I EVER spell fucking embarrass (ment) (ed),etc. without using spell check? I can memorize even the most obscure minutia involved in the chemical reactions of the Kreb's cycle or protein synthesis, but I can't spell a common word after 40 fucking years on the planet? Whatever)
Anyhoo... then there was the worry about what others would think. Now here is a conundrum that I have read others write about and has been bugging me a lot lately.
Do I write this blog for other people or for me?
The honest answer is both.
1. I write to synthesize things, and to document my experiences, and the feelings surrounding those experiences. I do it so I can remember them and see how far I have come and relive some fun/hard/important moments in my life. I will be honest with you, I read my own blog. A lot. That may seem a little narcissistic to you, but to that I would say look around! This blog is about me. It is filled with pictures of me and things I care about. It's more than a little narcissistic. It is the very definition of narcissistic.
2. I write on a public blog because I want other people to read it and find it interesting too. I mean come on! Of course I do! And so does everyone else with a blog. Otherwise we would write in our Hello Kitty Diary and stuff it between our mattress like other adolescents.
But then I find myself thinking "Gee, XX hasn't commented in a while maybe they don't like me anymore. Or worse, they think I am boring and do not want to read anymore." That is when I think I have lost perspective and have dove headlong back into the torturous world of high school where all self worth is measured by how I appear to others. Time to back that fucking bus up!
I LOVE the sense of community here. I LOVE how much I can learn about life, sport, and balance from reading others blogs. And most of all, I LOVE the people I have met through this tool and I will continue to use it, but I am not going to get hung up on how many comments, who is commenting, how many followers, etc.
I chose to title this blog 'Run Bitch Run' even though it is not PC and may offend some people.
I swear when I write because, well, I swear. It is not to be shocking or contrary. It is how I think and more often than not when I am not working, how I talk. Good or bad. It is what it is.
That is how I choose to think about this blog and me in general. Good or bad. It is what it is.
So, with that said, I want to get my reassurances out there to those blogs that I follow and adore. I am not commenting very much these days and that DOES NOT mean that I am not reading or that I do not like you or your blog.
Because frankly, these days, I am not answering my cell phone, returning calls, even really checking my voice mail. I am also not responding to texts or emails very well right now either.
I am depressed. I am not happy and my life is not fun right now.
Nothing has happened. I don't any have real hardships like other people are bravely struggling through right now,...
to quote my beloved LOL Cats: I. Just. Not. Happy.
I think it is a manifestation of over training, which upsets me because: 1. my training schedule is not even that bad yet and 2. I need every bit of this training if I even have a prayer of finishing IM CdA.
I know that everyday isn't going to be happy, happy, fun, fun, Julie fucking Andrews running through a field of flowers, but this is a hobby. A HA-BEE. Not my job, not a life saving endeavor, it is a hobby and if everything else in my life goes to shit in the pursuit of this hobby, well, it is, frankly, not ok with me.
Does that mean I can not be an Ironman? I don't know.
Does that mean I am not going to push ahead and try to become an Ironman? Hell, no! I am NOTHING if not stubborn. I started this and will finish it.
Thanks, I just needed to get this out of my head.
Here is the ugly of Week 7: Worst training week yet
Monday: Run (4 miles, easy)/1 hour strength class
Tuesday: Swim Masters (1700 yards, drills)/Bike (23 miles, spin class)
Wednesday: 1 hour strength class
Thursday: Nothing (unscheduled rest day in Solvang with hubby)
Friday: Rest day
Saturday: Run (5 miles, easy in Solvang)
Sunday: To be determined, ride canceled for rain AGAIN!
4 hours ago