"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Thursday, September 2, 2010

School days, School Days....

The next line in the song (after the Golden Rule bit, which ... yeah, right) is

"Readin' and 'ritin' and 'rithmetic Taught to the tune of the hickory stick"

Teaching to the tune of a hickory stick! Now, there is a tradition that is sorely missed. At least by me. Last year I was known to lament that stocks were deemed "cruel and unusual" punishment and the fact that I was not issued a chair and bull whip when I received word of which "special" students were assigned to my class.

I must say though, that when the ol' Gods of Scheduling were divvying up the cherubs this year, I got pretty darn lucky. So much so that I almost have nothing to bitch about.

Don't worry it is week 2. They are sophomores. I am certain they will not disappoint.

I will instead bitch about my colleagues...'cause I am classy like that.

I present to you a letter in response to the deluge of annoying shit that has already occurred in this newly dawned school year.

Dear Esteemed Colleagues:

1. You have TWO options when replying to an email, "Reply" and "Reply all." Be aware of the audience you are sending an email too. We all do not need to know that your daughter has an orthodontist appointment and you will not be attending the faculty lunch. Nor do we need you to prove to us how "important" you are by listing every meeting you are attending this month to show the one person that gives a shit about your schedule that you are available Wednesday at 3 pm for a collaboration that 95% of us in your "Reply all" list are not involved in.

Now, I am NOT referring to the gal that hit "Reply all" and proceeded to flame the shit out of the original sender's spelling and grammar, because, really, that shit was entertaining as hell and made for a uber- fun staff wide lecture on professional compassion where the whole thing got started again and grammatical errors within the flame itself were criticized. It was AWESOME.

2. Please do not speak to me like I am 7. I am considerably older than 7. For example, if I am laughing louder than you would prefer in the main office, two hours before school even starts, I ask that you treat me as you would any other adult that is annoying you. Do you really say "library voices" to other adults in public? And if so, how often do you get your ass kicked? Because I know one Friday morning when you came close.

3. I know, I know, you work harder than me. You work harder than us all. No one has as tough a schedule, as grueling a extracurricular commitment, nor is as fatigued/ill/or cursed, as you. I just have one thing to say, "Shut the fuck up and get off the fucking cross! No one cares."

4. If your automated email signature is longer than 90% of the emails I send, you are possibly full of yourself. If your email signature signs off with "Namaste" you are certainly full of yourself.

Sincerely and with the utmost professional compassion,

Namaste! (See? I have been to a yoga class, too! )

In other news....

(Nope, not spilling the beans on the BIG secret yet. *evil, but UBER excited grin*)

I am running a 50k in less than 2 weeks with the GeekGirl herself. Afterward we are going to crew for her husband, S. Baboo, as he does ANOTHER 100 miler (he did Leadville 2 weeks ago!!) It is the Rio del Lago 50K. I am registered. My room is booked. I am going. I am soooooo excited, but soooooooo SCREWED!

More on that later....


Lindsay said...

mean... just mean. spill the friggin beans already!

lol'ing about work emails. love those, just love 'em. the personal signatures are a great touch. i've seen some hippy ones, but not namaste yet. maybe i'll add that to mine.

Ginny M said...

Too funny! I live in fear that I'll one day hit the "reply all" button by accident in a mad rush, and there will be hell to pay!

Anne said...

Classic...every single one of your posts either makes me laugh or cry or both! Laughed this time :)
Peace out and Namaste to you too ;)

S. Baboo said...

Nine days until RDL!

Diana said...

Damn, if only I still drank Dt Dew! It would have totally spewed from both nares over this one!
I'm totally going to "borrow" the quote of the automated email signatures and put it on my facebook page-I get so many of those and just could never find the words to "stick" it to 'em without being all personal and shit!
Thanks for that!
Looking for to (and waiting patiently) for the "news".......

Diana said...

PS/I will totally give credit where credit is due for the "quote!"

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...


O, B*tch! You're such a b*tch!

Thanks for the morning laugh!

Christi said...

Okay, I love the letter to your colleagues! I am sure we would all love to send something like that to the people we work with! Did someone really ask you to use your "library voice?" I would kick their ass!

Have a great holiday weekend!

Unknown said...

my colleagues could take a lesson in reply all too. sigh.

SteveQ said...

My last open letter to work colleagues: "We'll know soon who's been stealing lunches from the refrigerator. That wasn't chocolate and that wasn't mayo in my lunch today."

Willie said...

Oh how I missed your school rants. There's a tear of joy running down my cheek now.

SteveQ said...

I think I got it: sabbatical!

The Stretch Doc said...

Hey RBR you totally crack me up!!

and will look to see you at Rio Del Lago, JT will be in the house!!!!!

yeah I am coming up to pace 33 miles fore a 100 miler, Catra Corbitt, aka Dirt Diva http://trailgirl.blogspot.com

anyway it will be great to see ya!!!


Herself, the GeekGirl said...

#2: I think it was the constant infantilizing (don't bother correcting my spelling. I don't care) that drove me out of teaching. They actually sent the cleaning staff into our rooms one day after hours to confiscate our doorstops, because they decided we were messing up the zone heating system. We already were denied access to the thermostats, so propping the doors was next.

#4: HEY. I am not so full of myself. I worked hard for all those letter after my name, and it took me a long time to come up with that long job title I made up, along with the dire warning that the email was confidential, and if you got it by mistake, blah, blah, blah. I get paid shit. It's all I have. Don't rain on my parade.

Finally: you're not that screwed. I plan to stick with you. I'll be running 56 miles between today and next week, so there's not much speed I can pull out of my ass. Bring snacks. We'll chat.

Ordinarylife said...

50k - wow!

Regina said...

ha ha! Great letter to coworkers! I have none....I guess I need to send some smack talk emails to myself.

More waiting on le news? More le sigh...

Jo Lynn said...

50k? You go girl! That's a pretty good course. Have fun. ;)

Maryland Girl aka Michelle said...

GO RBR GO! 50k. I'm with lindsay - SPILL THE BEANS!