"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Rambling about nothing

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support, kind words, and thoughts for my husband's surgery and treatment. It helps us both more than I can adequately express to have so much positivity and love out there.

At first, I was not sure I wanted to post about this particular area of my life, but now I am really, really glad I did. You all have helped me cope with what is arguably one of the toughest chapters in my life.

Movie Reviews

During our radioactive implant recovery weekend (you like how I fully partake in the 'recovery' part even though I skated on the whole 'having cancer' or even 'having surgery' part? Nice, huh?) we went on a movie watching spree. We have not seen a movie together in months, but in the last 4 days we have watched 5.

My ass is currently sporting a serious couch print, which may not be so bad if my couch was not a circa 1985 hand-me-down, dusty rose behemoth with an embroidered pattern of country blue tulips. Not a good look for me, nor my ass.

Anyhoo, I thought I would continue my uber-thorough movie critiques for the remaining 2 movies.

Here is a refresher of the first three comprehensive movie reviews:

1. Wolfman (review: Meh. But not as bad as they said. I think it is worth seeing)

2. Shutter Island (review: Awesome. A must see if you like psychological thrillers)

3. Valentine's Day (review: Stupid, but not as bad they said.)

And the remaining 2 movies that are lesser known (I think they may have gone straight to video or at the very least went there really, really quick)

4. The Salton Sea (review: Weird, ok, VERY weird, but an awesome psychological drama/thriller. Val Kilmer is great in this role. First movie I have liked him in since Real Genius.)

Make up Artist FAIL - Single WORST fake tattoos of all time. (Val Kilmer in The Salton Sea)

5. The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans (review: Not a sunny, feel good, "Life Rocks" film, but quirky and interesting, with a type of HUGELY imperfect humanity that I can not only relate to, I appreciate. Val Kilmer regains his general suckiness in his role, but Nicolas Cage and Eva Mendez (who I usually can't stand) were great.)

Saturday Run - 12 miles

*Stream of consciousness writing about training partner problem. Feel free to skip*

LA Run Buddy and I ran Saturday morning and unlike last Saturday where I was breathing like a woman in labor and she was nursing a pretty wicked hangover, we were both healthy or so we thought. Her knee gave out at the characteristic 8 miles. In all honesty, we have only had one run over 8 miles that her knee did not give out and even in the 2 and 1/2 years she was in LA she only had one run over 8 miles that she did not have a knee problem. For a grand total of 2 runs over 8 miles without knee troubles for her in 5 and half years of running together.

When she moved to LA (hence the moniker) was when I got into marathons and this is the first time we have been training together full time when I am training for a marathon. That is why it is now an issue.
She is my best friend and I would not have done any of this shit without her. I consider myself a freaking lucky beeotch that I even know someone as amazing as her.

I am trying to accept (and get her stubborn ass to accept) that she cannot do long runs in marathon training with me that are over 8 miles. The reality is if we start a run together I am not going to leave her to walk it in alone while I finish the run if her knee gives out. It really makes her upset and she feels like shit when it happens. (I know, you are thinking if it happens on virtually every run over 8 miles why is it a surprise? and why does she keep doing it? *shrugs* I don't know. She is remarkably stubborn) She, and how she feels, is more important than any run. I will not hurt her feelings to get a few extra miles in.

However, I would like to/need to get some longer runs in.

Sooooo.... we have a dilemma.

She has agreed that the Angel Island 25K next week is a bad idea, so she is not going (which makes her very unhappy that I am "running with other women." That sounds weird, but I knew what she meant.) I know we have to have a talk soon if I am going to get ready for SF Marathon, but I ma not looking forward to that conversation.

That is it. I do not have an answer. That is why I am writing about it, I guess. That and she does not read my blog.

The big, bleach blonde elephant in the room

Say what you will about Britney, but she got her shit together for the 2008 release of Circus. From self-shaved skin head, rehab bound, freak show to this in less than a year? My hat's off to you, Brit!

Ok, the hair.

On Monday at school I looked like this

The Drama Queen title never seemed so apropos as in a post about my fucking hair.

On Wednesday at school I looked like this

The picture I texted to my mother. At least I am not crying.

*The rest of this will bore the snot out of the boys and a good portion of the girls, so I apologize in advance*

I have highlighted my hair for years. It kept me at an acceptable (to me) level of blonde (I was born blonde. Toe headed actually. I was the type of blonde that is bald for the first 3 years of life, and then becomes a wispy, static prone piece of shit for years. It went to a thicker, darker blonde by high school.)

As I have gotten older and my hormones have changed, my hair has gotten darker and darker making the contrast between my highlights and natural color more noticeable and in my opinion unattractive.

Then the grays came in.

Are you fucking kidding me?

My mother has exactly 4 gray hairs at 63. She has never highlighted or colored her hair in any way and it is a beautiful auburn color that people pay for. (Small rant: This is not the only DNA sequence that she withheld from my genome. Apparently, she also hung on to long thin legs, ectomorph metabolism, patience, color sense, and how to look good no matter what the occasion)

My mother in Alaska. We had been living on a boat for 10 days. I looked like I had been very recently rescued from homelessness and she fucking looks like this. Irritating to say the least.

That was the final straw. Graying, dark blonde/mouse brown hair is HIDEOUS, so I did it, I went bleach blonde. I was a little shocked by the results and the jury is still out on how I feel about it, but I am stuck with it at this point.

There it is. Love it or hate it. We are stuck with it for a while at least.


joyRuN said...

I'm developing a lovely streak of white right down the front of my damn head. I'd seriously look like a skunk if I don't watch it. Brown/black color on brown/black hair is fortunately pretty difficult to fuck up.

Maybe go to a pro colorist for a couple of visits to learn to manage the whole thing?

My MIL has that beautiful auburn hair too, except she insists on going blonde. Now she's got crispy helmet hair. Damn shame.

Unknown said...

Laughing at Joy's comment because I have the skunk thing going on too. Life is so unfair. Plus my hair is much darker than yours so the greys are much more obvious on me.

I'm trying to embrace them. TRYING.

Kate Geisen said...

I think you are well entitled to partake in recovery. Send anyone who disagrees my way and I'll set them straight. Regarding the gray hair, I feel your pain. I used to think that whatever color God assigned was just fine with me...until I started getting stray gray hairs around 33. Hell, no. Now there is a lot more gray--how much, I'm not sure, since every 6 weeksI faithfully grab whatever shade of dark brown catches my eye--but gray roots are never a good sign. Once you stop double-taking every time you pass a mirror I bet you'll love it.

SteveQ said...

First, maybe LA Run Buddy could run further if she didn't pin her number to her nipples (that photo makes me cringe!)

I was born with black hair, but it then came in platinum blonde and has darkened slowly since until it went gray overnight a couple of years ago. Fortunately, guys can convince themselves it makes them look like George Clooney (and that's NOT a potbelly and ...)

If you go really blonde, then you have to either bleach your eyebrows or darken them so it looks like you're trying to draw attention to them. [I really need to schedule testosterone therapy after that sentence.]

Regina said...

I am soooooo gray and started getting gray way too early on. I am a card carrying member of Clairol Anonymous. I dye with frequency and regularity. I can't wait for the day when I will stop, but for now, I am way too vain.

SteveQ said...

At least your hair's better than Russell Brand's or the elephant's in that photo.

Jenny Davidson said...

An idea for long runs - have your friend meet you for the second half of your long run rather than the first - then you both finish together, and you have the company for the second (almost always tougher!) half of the long run.

Aileen said...

I think your hair is cute. The end.

Glad everything is working out with the post-surgery stuff. Keep on keepin' on.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Which one of your B@ST@RD PARENTS gave you the toe-head? And when did you have the toe removed?

Hahahahahaha! I know I told you I don't judge people based on their grammar ... but I lied! Because I'm a DICK!1!

Stop fucking with us dudes, B*tch, and just tell us the only thing we really wanna know about your hair:

Does the carpet match the drapes?

Congrats to SteveQ on another successful testosterone therapy session because now he's noticing the hair styles of elephants and Russell Brand. So he's all man again.

If this were Alabama.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

And Val K. was excellent as J. Morrison in The Doors.

I bet HIS carpet matches his drapes!

Maryland Girl aka Michelle said...

I like the new color. I have been using the same color for the past year, but lately all is a bit lighter - stupid grey hairs. Oh well. I have had some since my mid twenties and I guess I have more now.

Anne said...

The difference between monday and wednesday is very subtle...I like it!
I love Jenny's suggestion of having your friend join you for the second half of your run :)

Hope recovery continues to go well...hang in there.

Aka Alice said...

Oh yeah...I'd be sporting the skunk look (and not the cool punk or emo-kind of skunk look) as well if not for the coloring expertise of my hairdresser (a woman who cornered me at my son's little league game and practically begged me to let her do my hair. She's never let on how horrible my self-coloring-from-a-box attempts must have looked) which is a really long-ass attempt at saying, I think the blond looks fabulous.

Jo Lynn said...

You can have your friend meet you for the last 8 miles of your long runs. Let her know that is when you really need her support.
You get a ton of love from your blog friends because we love you and care about you. When I go through shit, I put it out there and the love comes pouring in. I love this little community we have here. Take advantage of it girl. We're here to take care of you.
We need to get a plan for Saturday morning. ;)

RunnerGirl said...

Your hair looks great! I love it!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I stand corrected, B*tch! Teh Urban Dictionary does include the word "toehead".

I'll save you a click: "A person with a head far too big in proportion to the rest of his body."

You don't seem toeheaded to me.

I wonder how they define "camel-toehead"? (<--Not meant to imply anything personal.)

PunkRockRunner said...

Can't wait to see you at the SFM (should I look for the funny lady in the boa again?).

As soon as this stupid Ironman is over I plan on catching up on movie watching (and Twinkies).

Maybe I'll bleach my hair too.

Good day,


Southbaygirl said...

LA Run Buddy could come and be "race support" and then she could meet the "other women".....

Southbaygirl said...

OK, I laughed with Steve Q saying LA Run Buddy could run farther if she didnt pin her race number to her nipples-that was funny

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I got my Bloomsday post up before you did yours!

How's it feel to be totally PWNED!1!

Bite me!

Still, I look forward to reading your Bloomsday post.

Lindsay said...

I'm glad you are finding ways to cope and hope hubs is too of course. These kinds of things you can't bottle up and "fight" alone.

Relieved to hear you handled recovery well. Whew! That couch butt though, can become a serious
condition so don't overdo it.

As for the gray hairs... I will never have any. (evil laugh) It sounds great but it's not... I have an auto immune condition where my body attacks my hair follicles so I can't grow hair. I am often asked if I am a cancer patient... Sometimes mistaken for a guy (real great on the self-esteem let me tell you) anyway. It sucks and I don't talk about it much. I'm not trying to make you feel bad for whining about your own hair I promise. Just felt like I could tell you. Doesn't bother me to hear the "normal" hair complaints. The one good thing... I Havent shave my legs in like 5 years ;-)

SteveQ said...

About there being no bad photos of me on the web:

Do they have to be worse than that?