"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Wherein I am a whiny b*tch

I hesitated on writing this because it makes me look like a self-absorbed, petulant asshole.

Mostly because I am being a self-absorbed, petulant asshole.

I have been avoiding reading all of the awesome and inspiring race reports that are floating around blogland right now. In every fiber of my being I wanted to know how Big Sur was, but with equal intensity I was hugely jealous of all the runners that did it. Does that make sense?I am not trying to imply I was robbed of anything. No victims here, only volunteers, but it just brought back some dark thoughts from this winter and the all of the reasons I was not trained to run what is arguably, the most awesome marathon of all, Big Sur.

I am not saying that my husband's illness and my surgery were the only reasons I am not even close to being ready to run a marathon right now. The truth is that this funk started long before that.

I do so adore, making fun of emo asshats, even when I am being one. '

Between the months of August 2009 and December 1, 2009 (December is when the proverbial shit hit the fan in my life) I had only run 81 miles total, making a spring marathon a bit of a stretch anyway.

I have been feeling better about running and training in general, but then 75,000 race reports from some of my most favoritest bloggers started pouring in this weekend and I felt like the fat kid that was not invited to the party.

The metaphorical me, has some metaphorically adorable feet!

I am going to link to the just some of the awesomeness. Once I pull my head out of my ass I hope to be commenting soon.

Boston Marathon (I know, right? How do I know people this BAD ASS!)
Lindsay (Chasing the Kenyans)
PunkRockTriGuy
Resse (Running Through Time)

The lucky, and often fast, bastards that ran Big Sur this weekend:
PunkRockTriGuy
Running and Rambling
RoadBunner
Aron (runner's rambles)

IronJane, whom I adore and has now graduated from merely 'too fast for me' to 'WAY too fucking fast for me' *sigh*:
Galveston 1/2 Iron report

Regina (Chui on This), whom has always been too fast for me and won her age group. Damn, indeed, girl!:
Bronx Biathlon report

There are tons of others some I have commented on, some I have not.

G (fourinone blog and admitted tranny lover): 15K PR
Diana (Diana's Road to the RKC and kettlebell Queen!): Screamin' 10K
Shirelyperly (Humble Triathlete and rockstar extraordinaire): Gator 1/2 Iron Tri

I am sure I am missing a bunch. I am going from memory because I have lost control of my Google Reader. Honestly, I am thinking of clearing out the damn thing and starting over. I can't even bring myself to open it anymore I and just use the blog updates on the side of my blog, which is WAY hard to keep track of. It is truly sad when you are so emotionally unstable that your Google Reader stresses you out.

Whatever.

Yesterday's workout:

Ran 5 miles at 10:43 min/mile with LA Run Buddy - For an afternoon run, after standing on concrete all day and being subjected to insufferably stupid people of all ages, I will take it.

Did 30 push ups - I find it is NOT advisable to do 30 push ups when coming off of 7 months of not doing a single push up. I am having some difficulty controlling my arm movements today. It is fine, I will brush my teeth tomorrow...or maybe the next day.

19 comments:

PunkRockRunner said...

When I saw that I had a comment from you this morning it was like Christmas in July..um, April.

I was starting to feel sorry for you and then I noticed your pace on the 5-miler and realized that you haven't missed a step.

Can't wait to see you out there again & let's run together one of these days :-)

You rock!!

Ron

Bootchez said...

My Google Reader *totally* stresses me out, like all the time. Sometimes it's like a bunch of kids pulling on my proverbial skirts (pay attention to Me! Why haven't you read Me?!?), and I feel guilty for all the reading and, more often, commenting I am not doing. Othertimes it's like opening up a can of High School and I'm overwhelmed with all those that do NOT comment on my own blog, the ones I read that I am too hesitant to comment on (Oooh, RBR is so popular! My comment sounds like a loser's!), and all the funny entries/comments that I'm intimidated by (I can never be that funny!). Wrap it all up in a bad day or even some PMS, and it's a wonder I can even turn the computer on. Ok, introspection/self pity = off.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Only you could be this funny while feeling so down about yourself, sister!

In the interest of full disclosure, I would like to point out that my 15K PR was a gimme since I had never run a 15K before.

In the interest of fuller disclosure, I should point out 15K is currently, and will forevermore be, the longest distance I ever race(d).

In the interest of FULLEST disclosure, here's a picture of my penis being very emo:

8--->

(Some interwebs site sez that's a standard penis emoticon, but I think mine should be more like this:

8----------->

Plus the testicles should be bigger because an 8? I'm a size 10, at least!)

Cheer up, sister! Hope that's good enough. Your comments on my site always cheer me up!

aron said...

would it make you feel better that it was really hot out there on sunday??? :)

thanks for the link and can't wait to see you out at a race again soon!!! you are on your way back lady, it wont be long now! i wish i was going to be able to be up at barbs this year. one of my bffs is training for it as well as a couple other bloggers i know but its the same day as my brothers wedding down south. i think that was a great decision on your part and cant wait to see things come together. sometimes we just need a break right? keep it up - you are awesome!!

hmm114 said...

I must say...under normal circumstances I can't stand self-absorbed, petulant assholes. But if they are the other of Run Bitch Run....I love em' with everything. Love your blog and your honestly Good luck with brushing your teeth tomorrow! = lesson learned! :)

Carolina John said...

i also cannot do 30 pushups. i did, however, finish my first century ride where i was tortured. so feel free to laugh at me. or relate. it's an emo time of month.

Sarah said...

You are AMAZING. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Can you email me your address so that I can send you a proper thank you via snail mail also? Thank you my dear. Seriously.

Aka Alice said...

((hugs))

You always make me smile, even when you're having a bad day.

I stopped using Google Reader awhile back because it completely stressed me out, now I just go with the blog roll too.

Jane said...

Yeah, but you still have the funniest blog.
I can't do 30 pushups.

SteveQ said...

Hey, how do you think I feel? I have a blog called Run Race Repeat and I haven't finished a race since... August?

And I can't do 30 push-ups, either.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Hey, b*tch, I DEMAND you put a video of the Squirming Toad Dance up on youtube! TODAY!

You could be bigger than that dramatic chipmunk or that piano-playing cat!

Dancing Tranny B*tch - Teh Next Viral Video!

lindsay said...

i can totally understand where you are coming from. don't feel bad.

i am actually a little jealous of your self-control. you knew you weren't in any condition to run a marathon, so you didn't. i have, one too many times, not-trained and still-ran. it doesn't work well in the end for me -- chafage, cowboy waddle. be thankful you didn't induce that on yourself :)

also when my google reader gets backed up i sometimes get stressed too. i am better now though at saying "OK, just scan it and go to the next one, you don't have to comment on all them". it is so not worth being stressed over!

RoadBunner said...

I totally thought of you this year as I went up Hurricane Point!!!

I am so glad things are working out for you and hubby. Sending lots of great thoughts your way! It sounds to me like you and your mojo are finding each other again.

I purge my "you have to read these blogs to catch up" thingie in my mailbox every now and then. It gets way out of control too fast.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

ZOMG, B*tch!1! You're right! I didn't think this thru! If I stop posting ... who will make you look like a total whoo-wer to your students in the morning?

NOBODY!

I'm not sure I can live with that!

But see? I told you'd I'd still be making my assholish comments, so there's that, at least.

Thanks for the nice comment.

When you upload that Squirming Toad Dance Video, make sure you're wearing Black Nylon Stockings!

RRRRRrrrRRRRR!1!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I've added a new footnote to today's post providing the information you require.

Because I'm a fucking gentleman, is why.

Psyche said...

Hey! How did I not know about your blog before this??? You are hilarious. Love the pics!

I think I'm about to make you feel young. Wait...Wait for it...I did the Solvang Century in 1982!

Glad to hear things are turning around for you.Have a great weekend!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Footnote #1 is and always has been next to the word "April" in the first sentence. And thus things are in their proper order below (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!1!).

But keep an eagle eye out for these things. I have been caught making that very type of mistake - usually by Dr. Nic. It's what happens when you insert footnotes after the fact. Fucking Blogger doesn't automatically re-number the others - which even M$ WORD can do! How lame are you if you're lamer than a Micro$oft product?

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

You know what? I don't need my own blog anymore. I have your comment section instead.

Regina said...

I turn completely green when reading others' race reports whether I can compete or not. When not, it is like pulling my own fingernails out with tweezers. I like your analogy about the fat kid at the party; that is exactly what it feels like (I have been there!).

Thanks for the shout out, muchly appreciated. It will probably never happen again, unless half the people don't show up again. ha!