"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Monday, April 26, 2010

Fountain of Youth

I have found it.

Do you need spend hundreds of dollars on glorified lotion?

Some of that shit is like $500 an ounce?! Can you freaking believe that?

Do you need to go under the knife and have your face peeled back like a bad Cat Woman Halloween mask?

Totally unnecessary.

Do you need to bathe yourself in SPF 7800 before even turning on your bedroom light?

Nope. Go full 1980's style, grab some baby oil and fry, fry, fry!

Do you need a strict healthy diet of purified water, dark leafy greens, and foods rich in omega 3-fatty acids?

Uh uh. Have yourself a Twinkie with a side of fried mozzarella, baby!

All you need a friend that is a whiz with photoshop!

Before - at a party right before this Christmas.

Gee, did you get the number of the crow that ran over my face?


Face a smooth as a babies butt, without the post surgery, "heading north in a G-force wind tunnel" look.

She is proofing all of my pictures from now on.

*Yes, in case you are wondering, I AM avoiding grading or work of any sort. Hence the random IM chat with my graphic design buddy that resulted in her altering this picture and my writing this pointless post.

Fine, fine. I will go grade.



Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Geez, b*tch, I know I have a tendency to go on and on in my comments and posts, and some people have said, "That G is a windbag" before but no one has come up with this "G-force wind tunnel" epithet to describe my writing.

Till now.


That hurt.

Worse than a penis-peeling.

Also - I myself would TOTALLY do it with that GILF in the first picture, but it'd be a REAL coup if I could bag her granddaughter in the second pic at the same time because that would be CLASSY!

Christi said...

I love photo shopped pics. I got some for work last week and I did not recognize the person looking at me. And for the record you look great in both pics!

Beckey said...

I'll totally invest in photoshop if it lifts my boobs.

Regina said...

Photoshop is my BFF. It has saved my ass (and boobs and face) more times than I care to admit. Melasma, be gone!

SteveQ said...

I think you have the before and after pictures reversed. Isn't the newest trend trying to not look like everyone else and look like you've actually done something besides primp for the camera?

Formulaic said...

I had something pithy and funny. It was going to make coffee shoot out your nose and onto those papers you are (supposed)to be grading.

But then I read Glaven's comment. And now I have coffee dripping from my nose.

(Which is scary because I don't drink coffee!!!)

justme said...

i did not really understand how photoshop worked, now i get it......

Diana said...

In the "old" days it used to be "airbrushing", now it's photoshop.

Nice pics-both!

Jo Lynn said...

Maybe it's just me but you are gorgeous in either photo!

I don't think I would like to use that "Photoshop" because people are going to meet me, sooner or later, and I don't want to hear "you look so different than you do in your pictures."

Sammie Girl said...

That is why I am a graphic designer! I never have a bad picture!!!!!!

Lindsay said...

LOL. i need her address so she can photoshop some of my pics!

you are beautiful in the original photo. ok, sappiness out.