Race Report: San Franscisco Marathon - July 26, 2009

Alternative title: My heart is fine, but I left my ass in San Francisco. And my knees, and my quads, and my hip flexors, ...

As per usual I must tell a lead in story before we actually get to the marathon report. Don't act surprised. Here is the quick and dirty

SF marathon stats:

Official time: none (lost my fucking chip. Can you believe that?!)
Total Garmin time: 5:54 (sadly, NOT a personal worst, but pretty damn bad)
Total Garmin distance: 26.7 (we will get to that. Oh yes, we will.)

Pre wedding madness and SFM Expo

As some of you may remember my best friend and Run Buddy was getting married on the Saturday before the race so I had planned to go to the race expo on Friday and I was going to be lucky enough to meet up with several bloggy buddies there. Well, best laid plans and all.

The first panicked bride call came at 7 am, followed by about 10 others. (That part is true, but I have highly dramatized the following conversations for, well, dramatic effect, and I like making fun of her 'cuz I am so sweet. :o) )

Run Buddy Bridezilla: I lost the bubbles! Who has a fucking wedding without bubbles?! The wedding is off!
RBR: It's ok, I will get some bubbles

*We had three more calls exactly like this over two different types of ribbon, favor cards, and a hole punch.

Run Buddy: We can't fit the ice in the car! We will have warm drinks! We can not have warm drinks! The wedding is off!
RBR: It's ok, I can get ice tomorrow on my way

Run Buddy Bridezilla: There is no iron at the house! The groom's shirt looks like he packed it in a fucking sandwich bag! What is wrong with him?! The wedding is off!
RBR: It's ok, I will bring an iron

Between that, a meeting with my nutritionist, and lunch with an old friend I was running WAY late for the expo. I had expected to miss everyone.

But I DIDN'T!!

L to R: Roadbunner (she PR'd the hell out of that badboy yesterday), Tara (Another SFM birthday girl) aron (even MORE fucking gorgeous than her blog pictures, but I still liked her ;o)) Moi (Ugh. Mental note: Do NOT take full body pics with skinny bitches), and PunkRockTriGuy (HIL-AR-I-OUS! Love him!)

After the expo I did a grand tour of not less than five 'Dollar' stores and party supply places to find wedding bubbles. It is August and apparently wedding season is at an end. I ended up with these:

This is the picture I texted to Run Buddy. Thankfully, she had regained her characteristic good humor by then

There were actually four colors: Red -Stegosaurus, Orange-Brontosaurus, Purple - Tricerotops, and Blue - Tyranosaurus Rex.

Super classy!

Wedding Day

The morning was insane since I had to pick up three things that needed to remain cold: the cakes, the flowers, and 80 pounds of ice. Then there is the issue of driving all this from SJ to Moss Landing (normally 45 minutes) when every other asshole from the valley wants to get to the beach or to Redneckfest 2009 also known as the Gilroy Garlic Festival.

2 hour 10 min later I arrived in Moss landing practically frozen solid from the air conditioning I used to keep the cakes from melting and flowers from wilting.

Isn't she beautiful!! I don't know why I look like I am sucking on lemons.


They even surprised me with a birthday cake. I can not even express to you how wonderful this woman is and how much she means to me.

Unfortunately, my Maid of Honor duties included a lot of running around and I was a stupid girl and wore these shoes

A fact I would not forget for 26.7 miles the next day

Race Morning

I drove into the city since I live close, but with an early start I had to get up at 2:30 am leave by 3:30 am to get there around 4:30 am.

I had gone to bed at 12:30 the night before, so... yeah.

I was up late getting my outfit ready because this may be how a demure, pretty, little 27 year old celebrates her birthday at a marathon...

Tara turned 27 on Sunday and from what I heard through the grapevine rocked the hell out of her race!

This is how the 40 year old ME celebrates her birthday at a marathon..

When you are cute and 27 you get plenty of attention. At 40 you have to be a little more aggressive to get some.

In the parking lot I met this really cool, WAY hardcore triathlete named Russ that was going for a BQ time on the SF course. He helped me find the race start and we chatted in the port-o-potty line.

SFM Profile. I am no expert, but this doesn't look like your typical BQ course to me

I told him that I would be thinking about him and would send him good vibes at 9:00am when he should be finishing to qualify. (I actually was feeling like SHIT at 8:59am, so I stopped to send him a "I hope you are sprinting to the finish right now!" email from my Blackberry. He cracked up when he got home and read it. Unfortunately, no BQ for him "only" 3:48. Christ, who ARE these people I talk to?!)

Then I got a text from Penny (Southbay Girl), about 10 seconds later we were squealing like little girls!

Penny and Crack-eye Joe (what is up with me in the morning?)

Not long after Willie and his buddy Bill come up and give us a big hug and there was more little girl screaming. Ok, that was just Willie, but I could tell that Bill wanted to. ;o) We all meandered over to the Wave 4 start.

Miles 0-13

In the starting corral I realized I was not wearing my timing chip. So I look at my number (they were stickers attached to the numbers) and no chip. WTF? Who loses a sticker?

Me, apparently.

Oh well. I guess I am running this bitch all unofficial like. Whatever.

Willie, Mr. sub-four hour marathoner starts fluttering about how he isn't ready for this and that he was thinking about just running it with me (lest you forget, dear reader, I am a way OVER-5 hour marathoner) Yeah, pretty hilarious. He lasted all of about 25 feet before he glanced back over his shoulder said "Have a good run!"

Sorry darlin' I just don't think you have what it takes to run a 5 + hour marathon

With that, he and Mr. 'Speedy Pants' Bill were off like the proverbial prom dress. Penny was doing the half marathon and we decided to run it together. Woo hoo!!

I could tell pretty early on that it was not going to be my day. I have toe issues

Bunions! They are not just for octogenarians anymore!

Goddamn those cute, narrow shoes of the 80's

and my feet were very sore like they get at mile 23, only it was mile 3. I knew I had a long day ahead. However, Penny and I had a blast! We were taking pictures, freezing our asses off on the bridge, ... oh wait , that was just me. Penny is a freak and loved it.

I am working WAY too hard and suffering WAY too much for mile 3, but we look cute right?

Running over the bridge was kind of cool, but it was so foggy that you, honestly, could not tell it was even a bridge. It was like running on any ol' road. A wet slippery road that was really crowded.

Penny and the bridge. You can barely make out one of the towers behind her in the fog. Lame.

We saw Willie and Bill on the bridge (they were about 3 miles ahead of us. Whatever. Stupid fast people) They screamed Happy Birthday and Run Bitch Run! It was AWESOME! Thanks guys!

At mile 10 we ran into a Velcro doppelganger and we stopped to say hello! (Velcro is Penny's dog)

Puppy kisses during a marathon are ALWAYS appreciated!

At this point I was seriously considering just saying "Fuck it" and crossing the half marathon finishing line with Penny and being done with it. We ran on into Golden Gate park and only sheer stubbornness and ego made me go right at the Half-Full split and continue on by myself for the next 13.2 miles.

Bye Penny. *sniff*

Miles 13.1-20

Slog. Slog. Slog.

At mile 19, there is the first half finish line again. Internal dialog: "Fuck this I should bail. Fuck this I should bail. Oh, fuck it, I will keep going."

Slog. Slog. Slog

Miles 20-26.7

Mile 20 runs down the famous Haight Street. Referred to as THE Haight by cool kids in the know. Let me fill you in on the truth about THE Haight. It is a SHITHOLE. It is not edgy and bohemian. It is a drug addict filled, SHITHOLE and tops the charts as one of the places you are most likely to get mugged and beaten death for 12 dollars.

I had to step over a passed out junkie to get this picture and my husband's response to it was "Man, you look tired" Thanks, babe.

After we got off Haight, the diversions started. The first time I came to an intersection and was told by the volunteers to go in a different direction than everyone I had seen before me I thought it was odd. The fourth time, I started to get a little pissed. Each time I noticed the mile markers got a little farther apart. So the whole "it is the same distance as the regular course" thing was bullshit. It was mostly the same distance, but when you get diverted at every opportunity it apparently adds half a mile. You may think "what the hell is she bitching about? She ran 26.2 miles and she doesn't want to run extra half mile?"

No. No, I fucking don't.

Finally we got back to the water which meant that I only had about 2 miles to go. Just about everyone around me was suffering. A pretty fit looking guy and I were passing each other at regular intervals. He would run, limp, walk. I would run, swear, walk.

When we hit the mile 26 marker I said "Thank sweet baby Jesus" and he said "Where was he at mile 15 when this started sucking" Hoo! That made me laugh REALLY hard. Like not-able-to-run hard. If you are out there dude, good show, good show!

And then 5 hours and 54 minutes and 26. 7 miles after I started I finally crossed the damn finish line. Sheesh.

Penny was there for me at the finish line and we rousted Willie and Bill from their slumber to come have lunch.

Thank you guys for an awesome birthday marathon!