Dear Carolina John,
You so graciously offered to help me with my computer troubles. I hate to impose, but I think I will, indeed, need your services. It seems that I am ONCE AGAIN having trouble with my BRAND NEW computer. So what I need is for you to rub out some Best Buy employees. Rub out, whack, off, fit for a pair of cement boots, whatever you IT mafioso guys are calling it these days. And don't go denying that you IT folk are all mobbed up. Just because we are all a bunch of idiots that entrust our ENTIRE LIVES to a plastic box of electronic shit when we have NO fucking idea how it works and we call you crying that our computer has "crashed" (the only semi-industry term we know) when actually we have stepped on the power strip it is plugged into and turned the fucker off, doesn't mean that we aren't wise to your "connections."
Anyway back to the whacking. The aforementioned employees can be found at the Customer Service Desk, also known as the "Bend Over and Take it Like a Man" Desk. They will be explaining to some chump, I mean, customer, that "Yes, we are aware we sold you a defective piece of shit, but it has been more than 14 days so you are fucked."
The timeline is entirely up to you. You may want to wait a couple of days though. Some crazy chick in a pink baseball cap lost her shit there today, so I think the security has been beefed up.
Thanks! You are a gem!
16 hours ago