"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Customer Service

Dear Carolina John,

You so graciously offered to help me with my computer troubles. I hate to impose, but I think I will, indeed, need your services. It seems that I am ONCE AGAIN having trouble with my BRAND NEW computer. So what I need is for you to rub out some Best Buy employees. Rub out, whack, off, fit for a pair of cement boots, whatever you IT mafioso guys are calling it these days. And don't go denying that you IT folk are all mobbed up. Just because we are all a bunch of idiots that entrust our ENTIRE LIVES to a plastic box of electronic shit when we have NO fucking idea how it works and we call you crying that our computer has "crashed" (the only semi-industry term we know) when actually we have stepped on the power strip it is plugged into and turned the fucker off, doesn't mean that we aren't wise to your "connections."

Anyway back to the whacking. The aforementioned employees can be found at the Customer Service Desk, also known as the "Bend Over and Take it Like a Man" Desk. They will be explaining to some chump, I mean, customer, that "Yes, we are aware we sold you a defective piece of shit, but it has been more than 14 days so you are fucked."

The timeline is entirely up to you. You may want to wait a couple of days though. Some crazy chick in a pink baseball cap lost her shit there today, so I think the security has been beefed up.

Thanks! You are a gem!
RBR

11 comments:

lindsay said...

wonder who that person was? ;)

i had personal issues with best buy and a digital camera that they would not honor the warranty... so bad mouth away.

good luck with your computer. i <3 technology...

Carolina John said...

I'll get right on that. We actually control mob based activities electronically thru a chip that the feds embed behind their ear. So if you ever see a confirmed mobster, be sure to punch him in the left ear to short out the chip. he will never be able to retaliate.

The least i can do is hack into the store's cashier network and set all of the cash register desktop images to porn. Check back in the store this weekend to see if that happened.

but seriously, don't hesitate to call me if there's anything i can do to help. i'm always hanging around.

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

lol

Diana said...

It's all a very carefully thought out plan ya know!!!
I hate Best Buy!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Rub out, whack, off, fit for a pair of cement boots ...

Hey, sister, I think you got an extra comma in there, because it you had said "rub out, whack off" etc., I'm pretty sure Cletus would've gotten right to that!

Hahahahahaha!

I loved this post!

Missy said...

Suck ass big box stores! Crap, now, Glaven is rubbing one out...thanks a lot.

Regina said...

I'm a mac user, but we have our "genius bar"....ah, the irony....

I think they are tearing down the Meadowlands Arena here, I'm sure a body (or several) could be hidden in the end zone, a la Jimmy Hoffa.

Julia said...

Oh man, you would think that by the year 2009 the geniuses would have invented computers that are more sturdy and crash-proof. Why aren't we there yet......

B.o.B. said...

Oh girl. You having some computer issues? LOL!

AKA Alice said...

Get a Mac. PC = Piece of Crap. It doesn't matter where you buy it.

Yeah...I'm one of those...

ShirleyPerly said...

What a waste of precious RBR time and energy! Maybe hire a big dude to go to the store with you? My hubby is built like a linebacker and it seems that squirrelly nerds like those at BB are afraid for their lives and do what he wants. If all else fails, get a Mac. I have one and can't believe I wanted so long to get one.