"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Pity Party - Table for 1

The eating is out of control. My exercise is going great, but I can't seem to get the eating under control and my weight is skyrocketing. I was wearing these jeans yesterday that seriously threatened the circulation to my lower half. It was like being wrapped in denim Saran Wrap for the entire day. I feel disgusting and I don't want to feel this way.

On one hand I am very proud of myself for the training I have been doing. It makes me feel happy and good about myself. I am more fit than I have EVER been in my entire life. Hell, I am more fit than I ever conceived possible in my entire life, but I keep "rewarding" myself with food that is REALLY bad. The sneak eating is in full addiction mode and the portions are WAY out of control. It is not just what I am eating (and believe me, that is bad enough for me to gain weight) but it is also HOW MUCH I am eating.

Bad stuff and huge amounts of it = jeans no fit anymore.

I am debating on whether just to go back to Jenny Craig or maybe try Weight Watchers. I am beginning to doubt I can ever learn how to eat like a normal person. Why do I always have to get to THIS point? Why can't I just make a few unhealthy choices, realize that is not the direction I want to go in and reign it back in?

I am getting the opportunity of a lifetime to go to Africa this summer with my family and I don't want to go feeling like this. I have to pack those lightweight, khaki, travel type pants that never fit me right anyway, and if my weight is like this (or really, if I stay this course it will be much worse) I will be uncomfortable the whole time.

Poor, poor pitiful me.


Willie said...

I'm sure you're not as bad as you think. I'm no expert but I will say I have little to no faith in Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. I'm sure you've heard this a million times but you have to make changes in your life that will improve you diet for the long haul. One-time dieting just doesn't work.

You are such a great athlete and that's how you should see yourself, as an athlete. Treat your body as if it were a finely tuned piece of equipment because it is! You are a marathoner and a triathlete!

I had trouble with my diet as well and I determined that it was because I was trying to train like a new person (an athlete) but still hold onto my old, couch-potato, habits. You have to break those and embrace the new you! Get rid of that old person and be too proud to allow yourself to slip backwards.

I don't mean to sound like I'm yelling at you and I hope you don't take it that way. I've just been down this road and want to help. You are not your old self! You are a new, stronger, better, faster you! Now go act like it BABY!

ShirleyPerly said...

First of all, congrats being your fittest to date!

I don't have any firsthand knowledge about Jenny C or WW but know that keeping a food log works for a lot of folks, whether it's to control overeating or to make sure one is eating enough of the right stuff. I did it a while back for a week to find out if I was consuming the proper ratios of Carb/Prot/Fat to support all the heavy training I was expecting my body to do. I found it quite revealing and it made me much more conscious overall of what I ate and how much. Good luck finding what works for you!