"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Saturday, March 22, 2008

A list of Shit I Should Just Never Do


1. Go jean shopping during post-illness depression and one week before my period.

2. Go jean shopping at the fucking mall. The land of Barbie Doll women that apparently got the style gene.

3. Go jean shopping in any store I have EVER heard my teenagers talk about. (e.g. Banana Republic, Nordstrom's, or the Gap)

4. Go jean shopping the day after one of my cherubs called me stupid, other cherubs blamed me for their grades, their lack of understanding the material (i.e. They don't get it because I am a bad teacher.), their inattentiveness (i.e. I am boring, so they don't listen), their bad behavior, global warming, etc...

5. Go jean shopping and look in the angled mirror at my ass in the new jeans (that of course would only apply to the ones I could get over my HUGE ass).

6. Go jean shopping and look in the angled mirror at my ass in the jeans I wore to the store (i.e. the jeans that EVERYONE has seen my ass in.)

7. Go jean shopping and look in the angled mirror at my ass in NO jeans. (i.e. What the fuck was I thinking?!)

I was going to write about this last night, but I am working on being more positive. That isn't working out so well for me.

Note: Picture above is NOT my ass (I know, you are stunned). Thank you Madison Avenue, for making me feel inadequate my entire fucking life because I don't look like this.

3 comments:

Willie said...

1) I was about to say something like "Holy crap, I'm on my way to San Fran. TODAY after seeing that picture. To hell with your husband!", then I remembered that if you did look like that you probably wouldn't be as nice a person as you are, and definitely wouldn't be chatting with a nerd like me.

2) Jeans don't make a women hot. Ok maybe to a hormone raged teenage boy they do but who cares about them. No, what makes a women hot is what she does, how she acts, how she relates to you. I won't say "It's what's on the inside that counts" because that is overused. I (and most other guys in my situation) find a women hot when she has a personality, likes to be adventurous, is an athlete, etc... So I guess in my case, running shorts and interesting blogs make a women hot!

3) Malls suck! 'nough said.

4) I don't really have a 4 but this numbering thing is kinda fun.

5) See #4

6) I've seen your pictures from the Pac Grove Triathlon and I can, without hesitation, say that you are hot! It's just a good thing that 1) (numbering thing again!) you're married, and 2) you live 1500 miles away. Your husband is a very lucky man.

Southbay Girl said...

I've felt inadequate about my body my entire life too because i'm not the 5'9 110 lb stick figure that are plastered all over every magazine from here to Tibet. I'm 5'9 but I haven't been 110lbs since I was maybe 12! Ha! I hate jean shopping almost as much as I hate swimsuit shopping! the mirrors are there to make you look hideously larger than you actually are in real life. As for sizes-shit I'm a different size in every article of clothing. I'd be happy in a potato sack-they don't cling and hug your body, but they aren't quite stylish....it's a lose lose situation. I'veresigned myself to the fact that I will never be skinny! I'll be fit and in shape but never skinny! I blame it on my heritage....I'm from warrior lineage!

But did you run????

Southbay Girl

Tracy said...

Ha Ha. Great post. I'll go in to a store and take a bunch of stuff to the dressing room and NONE of it will look good on me (which reminds me, I have to do this tomorrow) and I'll hand the stuff back to the fitting room person and say, "The clothes are fine. Turns out I just need a different body." Of course I'm always met with a blank stare in response.