You know those days, when each day you wake up and tell yourself (and everyone unfortunate enough to have to listen your whiny ass), 'I think I am getting sick'?
And then you never actually get sick? You were just pissing and moaning for no reason, and you really have an acute case of the winter is coming, the days are getting shorter, your ass is getting wider blahs?
Yeah, me too.
I have those.
I have decided that I am going to "snap out of it!" That is what everyone told me to do when I suffered through years of chronic depression, it must be possible!
Therefore, I am going to act as if I am leaving for Hawaii next week! (ok, I am really leaving in 2 months, but if I could convince myself last winter that my eating 40 donuts a day would cure my husband's cancer, I am pretty sure I can make my dumb ass believe something like a pushed up travel date.)
This new leaf started yesterday with the incessant singing of the "Baby Shampoo" song.
Like all traditions(and other family specific shit that no one finds funny, but we all feel compelled to share with people outside of our families anyway) no one remembers how it started, but I call those little travel shampoos, "baby shampoos." Several days before our first ever big vacation (i.e. our honeymoon) I was singing a made up song about the acquisition of baby shampoos while dancing throughout the house shaking said baby shampoos.
Hubby came in from the garage mid song, and the performance made him laugh so hard he lost all bad ass composure (this is a rarity in the RBR household, and is my Holy Grail, if you will)
One notable line in the Baby Shampoo song is "When you are sad and buh-luuuuuuue, you got to get you some Baby Shampoooooooo!"
(I called hubby to ask him what tune the Baby Shampoo song was sung to, and he said laughed and said, "You made that shit up. It is a Stacey Original." I will tell you it makes the next door neighbor's dogs howl and attracts tom cats to the front yard.)
I will spare you the rest of the lyrics. The are all inane and intended to be sung way off key.
Other RBR Original's include gems like:
The Cat Snack Song (sung at bedtime to get the cats rounded up. I am a HIT with the felines!)
What's Goosehead got to do with it? (Lucy, my dog, nickname is Goosehead. Again, no one remembers why)
It is Time Hortonator (another pet nickname for our cat Horton, and is sung when Horton protests his bedtime and the Cat Snack song fails to illicit the 'rounding up' response )
Horton, aka "The Fatonator," "Hortonator," "The Great Slim Boney", and occasionally when he is less than the perfect child, "You Fat Fucker"
How can I feel bad? I got me some Baby Shampoos!
I am running the Tarantula Run Trail 1/2 marathon on Saturday with Ron (mostly to skeeve Lindsay out. Not sure which will be worse the spiders or Ron :) ) So that should be fun.
Ok, enough weirdness, Queen Random Shit, out!