"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Friday, May 29, 2009

Pre race: Auburn Triathlon

As I sit here procrastinating on packing for the Auburn triathlon (oly distance) this weekend I have several things running through my head:

1. I am tired. Bone. Fucking. Tired.

2. In the last two days I have read about, or heard about at least 10 other teachers that are done for the summer. As in, they have no more cherubs.

I still have cherubs.



Lots of them.



Can I send anyone a few?



'Cuz I am really quite sick of them.

And they of me.



I am just sayin'...

3. I have a conundrum that I would like some input on. A little while ago the lovely and speedy Lindsay gave my name to a Sugoi rep as someone that might be interested in trying out some tri gear and reviewing it.

Now, this blog is my journal and as some of you may have noticed, my blog is not a super PC or "suitable for all audiences" type blog. (If you hadn't noticed then you, my friend, are just as classy as me and WELCOME!)

Anyhoo, I did not think that this would be something I would be asked to do, but I was and in true RBR style, and against my better judgement (this will become more clear later) there will be pictures!

When I opened the package I removed this teeny, tiny, little tri suit.


I held my hand up for perspective. NO WAY is this tiny, little thing going to cover my ass! And what is that, a four inch inseam?!


Speaking of ass, here is the rear view. For the record my ass is significantly larger than my hand.

Me thinks: Well, shit. This sucker is going back IMMEDIATELY.

But I decided to go ahead and try it on. It is made of this parachut-y feeling fabric (man, I am g-oo-oo-d at this. I bet they ask me to do the marketing on this suit!)

Amazing. I don't know what this fabric is, but apparently with 12 square yards we can clothe the world.

Now, here is where I have to question the designers at Sugoi. Why the hell would you put huge white panels on the side of the suit? Not exactly slimming and what happens when it gets wet?

Too bad you can't suck in your ass.


and the ABSOLUTE worst part... (this is serious commitment to the truth. I can NOT believe I am posting this)


Sugoi, seriously, what the fuck where you thinking? Was the intention to create arrows to my saddlebags? 'Cuz that is what you did.

The suit feels really comfortable, not binding or suffocating, but I am NOTHING if not vain and I need your help here people,

is it too awful to wear in public at Auburn this weekend?

I realize I am not the shape Sugoi created this suit for if you want to see that look here...
Old Stevie looks fab in it, of course. Asshole. Gee, these grapes sure are sour...


I said I would wear it and I am a woman of my word, but dude! Will it cause young children to cry? Villagers to don their pitchforks? Am at risk of litigation for retinal damage to fellow triathletes?

I need some advice here.


33 comments:

Stef said...

I would wear it! A) you said you would and B) you've posted pictures already so that cat is out of the bag, Baby!

Good luck this weekend!! :-)

AKA Alice said...

I had May-cherubs for 17 years. I feel your pain. I'm so sorry. They'll be gone soon...

I agree...the white panels on the side are wrong, but would you really want them in the center...(that would be waaaaay worse)

I think you should wear it. It's actually pretty HAWT!!!! Children won't cry, but some dudes probably will (with want for you...)

Diana said...

Lookin' good! Definitely a "yes". Commentary cracked my dead tired ass up...thanks!
Good luck with the tri.....can't wait for the report!

Shazza said...

If it's comfortable, definitely wear it. It looks good and will make you go faster (maybe!!!)

I think that the designers of these things have an image in their head of a "Triathlete", and that image does not have any curves. I tried on a trisuit last week and although the rest of it fit, there was nowhere in it to put my boobs. Hello, suit designers, women have curves!!

Missy said...

No one would even think twice or bat an eye. Seriously and truly. Who knows, maybe with your input, they'll change the design...it is a review you know? Just a thought. The only reason I would NOT wear it is if it were uncomfortable or I looked like a busted biscuit with my gut hanging out. You have neither. DO IT. When will they learn that WE are not built like 14 year old boys or pro women. GAWD!

Oh, and you will have to practice peeing on yourself in a onesy tri suit - can't get that bitch down when you gotta go;)

Steph Bachman said...

Seriously? You look awesome!

Ok, the back view, not as good as the front. I agree with you on the white sides also. My team ZootGu shorts from last year have see-thru sides - not pretty.

However, you only promised your honest opinion, so you should wear the suit and then post us an honest race report. : )

kristen said...

Dude - wear it. You look hardcore. Frankly who gives a shit what those poor bastards are thinking about you or others.

Good review. Sugio should know by now not all triathletes are a size 0-4. C'mon people.

cindy said...

Girl, you are so funny! And, yes, wear it!! You look GREAT! I also have a tri-suit, but I look like a freakin' huge pear shape in it. You are proportioned and fit with sexy curves.

Have fun and be proud! :D

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

I think it looks good on you from both the front and the side views! The design on the back is weird though.

Can you breathe? Is it comfortable? Is the fact that you need to practically disrobe to use the portapotty an isue? If none of those things are problems - I say go for it!!

IronSnoopy said...

If you wear it, go full tri geek and wear the slippers too. :)

Hmmm. I am with you 100% on this -- what evil beanpole sits in his cubicle all day and comes up with this stuff? White anything? Cue maniacal laughter.

Wear it. You said you would and I'm pretty sure you said somewhere in there that it was comfy.

On top of that, and more importantly, you look pretty bad ass in it. :) I would be intimidated by you.

Good luck!

Southbay Girl said...

it's FREE wear it!!! I want one! I might do tri's if I had a cute little suit! But I agree, what were they thinking with the "arrows".....and white-not the color I would have picked...what about PINK!!

And what Missy says has merit-how do you "go" quickly? Does it come off easily? Is there a zipper? I guess you could pee on yourself-not pretty but if you had to...but the other-yikes! Sorry! I digress!

Are you going to Mt Diablo next saturday?

I think your blog is fine....does that mean I have a crass mouth as well???

Bootchez said...

Wear the parachut-y thing! It looks just fine, especially from the front and sides -- the back is a little odd, but that's the suit and not you. You look like a fine triathlete specimen! Good luck in Auburn!

René said...

OMG that was sooooo funny! Thanks for keeping it real!

JTri's said...

I like it from the front and am thinking on the bike, it won't point to anything. On the run, heck everyone is in a fog and won't notice so what the heck, wear it!

The major drawback to these things is going to the bathroom. I have been known to just pull over to the side when in need of a quick pitstop and having on a one piece would make that a daring proposition...

Tracy said...

Ok I love the fact that the suit fits...but I'm with you I hate that it highlights all the parts that women have issues with!!! A man made this I know it!

But a promise is a promise you have to wear it....

I'm another teacher btw that has no more cherubs...it sucks for you! But I'm sure you'll be saying that to me when we start back AUGUST fucking 1st!!!!!!!!

Jo Lynn said...

Um, hell yeah I'd wear it! So what, you have an ass? Whoop de do! You're doin' a freakin' triathlon. That ass has a lot to do with you crossing that finish line. Good luck on your race. ;)

Kolla said...

Totally wear it! From the front you look absolutely fantastic!
I'm not sure either where Sugoi was going with that rear-end design, but you'll make it look good.
Plus, Sugoi shit is great - so I'm sure it will make you faster.

Carly said...

LOL...we should team up to do product reviews.

I think you look great and should wear it.....but agree what the fuck is up the white accents? white should never be allowed. Good luck with the race!

R. Jeffrey Davis said...

Nice shot of your rear end!

Calyx Meredith said...

I agree with the issue with the white!! The blue that Steve got is way better. But you look great in those pictures and Sugoi makes insanely comfortable stuff. I LOVE my biking skirt from them. I hope your race was fabulous! Oh - and Donna has cherubs until the 10th of June. She is ready for them to rise already and fly away to 8th grade!!

lindsay said...

oh good, make them hate me now. thanks!!! i was so wrong in thinking you'd appreciate some freebies. :-p

good point though about the white + water factor; i'm glad it's comfy though. i think it looks great on you from the front and side, but those white hip sections would not be flattering on anyone but speedo-steve. i still hope you wore it :)

Kim said...

Well, Steve got the purtier suit..but I say wear it!

Roisin said...

You look like teh new hottness in that suit. Get down with your fierce self!

Pamela said...

I say wear it - you look great and if it feels comfortable then go for it.

That said though, I have a full tri suit in my cupboard that I have NEVER EVER worn, besides in front of the mirror and around the house to see how bad it really looks. I just can't bring myself to be seen outside in public in it, so I feel your pain. I personally just feel better in a two piece...

Carolina John said...

i think you are beautiful. but that's beside the point. The pink mules paired with the tri suit is truly what makes the outfit. that's genius. and you never post pics with your hair down. you are so pretty!

hell yea wear it.

and meat punch the cherubs that are giving you trouble. it's exams, what are they going to do?

Isela said...

You are the perfect person to review it. Why? Cuz you won't sugar coat things and will let them know exactly what you think of the product.

I agree the white is not really a great option, however, they could have flipped the colors in that suit and well, then it would have been worse. I believe they just need to think of women as having curves.

You need to use it and let us know what your thoughts are after the usage :)

Anonymous said...

Wear it if it feels good. I have been in too many races where a wrong seam has practically ruined a race. The suit looks fine.

DW

Iron "GeekGirl" Misty said...

I'm done for the summer. I'm done forever. BWAHAHAHAH!

Next, Okay, I'll say it. You are pretty fit, stocky like me, and that suit makes you look GREAT from the front, but behind, well, that suit does not do you justice. If it bothers you that much, send it back, because you don't want to spend an entire triathlon obsessing over how big your ass looks and you don't want to blow money on something you might not wear. BUT, is it comfortable? Because, if it's reallllly comfortable maybe you can just get some hypnosis to forget about how big and white you look from behind.

Hoolia said...

Hell yes you should wear it! I think you look great in it. Screw the "ideal body type" concept for race gear. Your posts prove you've got just the right type of body to be the bad-ass you are in doing all of the training and races you do. Some of those "ideal body" folks may have the look, but I know for a fact that when push comes to shove, they can't (and don't) do the type of activities you do. So wear that suit with pride. You rock!

Erica Ortiz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Erica Ortiz said...

I agree the aesthetics lack a lot for a woman to desire. Doesn't look bad on you though! Wear it and be proud! Again, I think this is an example of a men's company designing a woman's sports apparel: Functionally great, fit/aesthetic FAIL.

I have a huge problem with it in my sport of drag racing. Can't get a firesuit that doesn't make me look like a linebacker. I look instead like a really triangular shaped michelin-man.

Hello people, I have hips and boobs!

RoadBunner said...

A little late to the party, but I think you look FABULOUS!! Granted I would steer clear of making a tri suit with white panels (more for the "what happens when it is wet") factor. But I do think you look a lot better than you give yourself credit for! Hope the race went great!!

Hoolia said...

I just saw the "Too bad you can't suck in your ass" note next to the photo. Bwahahahaha!! Made my day!