"...In the end, people either have excuses or experiences; reasons or results; buts or
brilliance. They either have what they wanted or they have a detailed list of all the rational reasons why not."

~ Anonymous
(taken from Matt Erbele's, It Takes Time to Get Good)

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Some Things About Mary


Mary is my friend.

She is also a devoted mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother four times over.

All of her grandchildren, including one with her great-grandchild, have lived with her at one time or another, rent free, while they "got back on their feet."

She is a self-proclaimed enabler, codependent, martyr and savior of every drown trodden, self-destructive, and generally fucked up person she has ever met. Including said grandchildren IMO.

She loves her dogs more than life itself and that is saying a lot because she can teach us all about how to love life. She will tell anyone at anytime to "get off your ass, quit your bitching and moaning, and live the life you were given" while she makes you a sandwich for the road and packs you some homemade muffins.

She is the only septegenarian I know that says "fuck" almost as much as I do. Particularly if you get her talking about George W or people that don't properly take care of their kids or dogs.


She wears make-up everyday and dresses impeccably.

She is beautiful. Not beautiful for 72. Beautiful.

She works full time.

My husband loved her from the first time he met her. That is a big deal. He loves exactly 9 people. He introduced me to her to help her with her crazy ass dog who tried to bite me when I trimmed her nails.

I loved her and her crazy ass dog from the first time I met them. I love more than 9 people, but I am not a huge fan of the species as a whole a lot of the time.



She adopted a another crazy ass dog, Cassie, that I found in a park, that had breast cancer (mammary adenocarcinoma) and was recovering from MAJOR surgery. She did this without reservation, not knowing how long the dog would live, or how much medical care the dog would need, because I was one of the generally fucked up people that she loved and I asked her to.

I gave her free dog nail trims for life for both crazy ass dogs.

It took me 20 minutes to trim her dogs' nails, but I never left her house in under 3 hours. My friend's would laugh when I said "I am just leaving Mary's. I'll be there in 10 minutes." I never got there in under an hour. Most times it was more like 2.

Then 2 months ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She went out that day and bought a wig. She "had a lot of living to do and she was going look good doing it."

She told me that she and Cassie were both going to be breast cancer survivors.

Yesterday, they put a breathing tube in Mary, put her on a ventilator, and told us she was in multi-system failure and would most likely not live through the night.

She was buying new sheets on Monday. She was at work last Wednesday. IT WAS TOO FUCKING FAST.

I am so sad, but I don't want to be. I can hear her saying, "I had a good run. Be sad for the people that chose to waste the time they were given."She was so proud I was doing Barb's Race which is a fundraiser for breast cancer research. I told her "Ah, fuck Barb, I don't know any fucking Barb. This will be Mary's Race to me." Her daughter told me yesterday that she laughed so hard when she told everyone I said that.

I hope she knew. I hope she knew how much she meant to me.

I can't remember what we talked about the last time. Cassie, her dog, no doubt. My trip to Africa. I can't remember what I said. You don't know it will be the last time when you talk to someone the last time.

Yeah, this weekend, sorry Barb, this is Mary's Race.

23 comments:

carsonsunflower said...

Oh, girl, I'm so sorry.
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
Rock Mary's Race, okay?

Sarah said...

Fuck man. Sorry, but this just sucks. These stories. Ugh. I hope you rock Mary's race. And I'm going to do my B-Fit Birthday Challenge on Saturday in honor of Mary.

Go Mom Go said...

You and Mary are in my thoughts and prayers.

I just lost a good friend to Breast Cancer last month. It just sucks!

Peace! Rock that race!

Southbay Girl said...

S- I'm SO sorry! Mary and what she means to you will make this weekends race the best race you will run! Smile while your doing it! Enjoy and think of Mary! For I know she'll be thinking of you while your doing it! Race hard but have a great time for Mary!!!

Rock it RBR!

My thoughts and prayers are with mary and her entire family-human and canine!

-P and V

Wes said...

get off your ass, quit your bitching and moaning, and live the life you were given

I {heart} Mary and people like her. They set the bar so high for the rest of us. If we don't dream, how will we ever reach the stars?

Go run your race and celebrate Mary's life...

Stef said...

Yeah. This sucks. I am so sorry RBR that Mary and you are going through this. Even though she will be in a better place and blah blah blah.

I can empathize what this is like for you -- my aunt died of breast cancer many years ago and we lost my mom to complications associated with MS in 2004.

When I read or hear stories such as these now I just get angry. Or I cry. Or both.

Goes without saying you will rock Mary's race. She is proud of you I'm sure of it.

Running Knitter said...

You and Mary are both in my prayers. Go out and rock the race!

ShirleyPerly said...

Man, cancer sucks. It takes great people like Mary and my dad away. But at least you had enjoyed some good times with her and she sounds like she lived a good life. I know you'll have a great race on Saturday. Rock it for Mary!!

AKA Alice said...

That sucks...just sucks...but what a fucking awesome tribute to a fucking awesome woman you've written.

Tater said...

Geaux RBR. Run your heart out for Mary. I know she will be cheering you on in her way. You are both amazing, inspiring, F*ckin awesome people!

Hugs!
Beth "Tater"
(a fellow potty mouth)

Maryland Girl said...

Sitting in my office reading this rather than working and now I have great big tears in my eyes for a person I don't even know - but would have loved to have known. Having breast cancer in my family and knowing that life is too short for bitching and moaning - I know that you will rock this weekend! I will run my training run in honor of Mary too!

Lou said...

I'm so sorry about your friend. This blog made me tear up :(.

You'll do amazing at the race this weekend, I just know it.

Lindy said...

Swim, Ride and Run for Mary! Absolutely no better inspiration than that. HUGS to you!

Shelley said...

Oh, Stacey, I'm so sorry! That just fucking sucks! She sounds like she was an amazing person and will be missed by many. Your heart must hurt so badly. My condolences go out to you! People who care so much for poor defenseless animals are the best people in the world.
Rock Mary's race, RBR!
Hugs,
Shelley

Calyx Meredith said...

Oh I'm so sorry. You and Mary will both be in my thoughts tomorrow. Best of luck on your race! (And I can't wait to meet you!)

JenZen said...

Your post brought me to tears. I am SO sorry. What an amazing, wonderful soul and what a gift that she touched your life. You both will be in my thoughts tomorrow.

cindy said...

This is such an awesome post about your friend Mary. I'm so sorry for your loss - sounds so cliche, but I truly mean it. She was a wonderful person.

Your line about not knowing any Barb and it being Mary's race is the absolute BEST thing ever!! She had to love hearing that :)

SWTrigal said...

So sorry to hear about your loss. She sounds like she was a wonderful soul.

Erin Leigh said...

It sounds like she was an amazing person. I'm sure she appreciated having you in her life as much as you did her.

Thank you for telling us about her.

Tracy said...

Things have sucked for me lately and I usually just read and don't comment. But I had to comment on this post. What a beautiful and memorable tribute to a beautiful and no doubt memorable woman. Wow. I am so sorry for your loss. You are all blessed to have had someone so wonderful in your lives.

Tracy said...

Things have sucked for me lately and I usually just read and don't comment. But I had to comment on this post. What a beautiful and memorable tribute to a beautiful and no doubt memorable woman. Wow. I am so sorry for your loss. You are all blessed to have had someone so wonderful in your lives.

Tracy said...

Things have sucked for me lately and I usually just read and don't comment. But I had to comment on this post. What a beautiful and memorable tribute to a beautiful and no doubt memorable woman. Wow. I am so sorry for your loss. You are all blessed to have had someone so wonderful in your lives.

Tracy said...

Things have sucked for me lately and I usually just read and don't comment. But I had to comment on this post. What a beautiful and memorable tribute to a beautiful and no doubt memorable woman. Wow. I am so sorry for your loss. You are all blessed to have had someone so wonderful in your lives.